I’m not sure if this is the right place to ask the question but it’s the only reliable place I can think of that I have access to quickly, and considering this sort of ‘episode’ just happened, I’m a bit curious and impatient, so I apologize if this is misplaced. It also gets a tad gorey so be warned.
I’ll occasionally have a fantasy of being outside of my body and attacking myself, punching, hitting, stabbing, etc. I’ll feel like I want to attack other people too, but it’s less since these fantasies began, and if I’m being honest, I like these inward fantasies more. I don’t want to hurt people, I’d much rather it be inward. Regardless in both states it feels like my body is physically and mentally begging me to “take action”, specifically when it’s inward scratching my arms or making me want to do something to my throat, when it’s outward my hands will twitch and I’ll stop moving a bit and get trapped in my own head to avoid these obviously bad urges. These ‘episodes’ outwardly are nearly always brought on by anger, while inwardly it’s seemingly random.
Maybe it’s relevant to mention while I’ve always been attracted to gore, I’ve also always been a bit squeamish because when characters get hurt on screen I’ll usually feel a sensation in the same area or in some area, when I was much younger it would occasionally even hurt. I think this might be in some way related?