I'm going to say something blunt, in the hopes it might help you out, and just because it is something that has been feeling very true to me, but I have been reluctant to say, but it just feels like maybe I'm not helping by not saying it. I'm a pretty direct person per my own nature, and I'm also someone who tends to appreciate and respond best to directness, especially with hard things, so who knows, maybe that's you, too. Worth a shot, I figure.
It has sounded to me like you are very attached to these feelings of shame and the other painful feelings around all of this. You also have sounded very attached, to me, throughout, to having this be something that makes you feel bad. In a word, I think that the biggest barrier here with all this probably is you.
I was thinking about you last night after work, after I interacted with the first post in the thread, and I was thinking that you're actually the only user I can think of that we have had in weeks, if not months, in any of our services, who has talked and talked about how good/essential/apparently everyone's favorite thing/etc. intercourse apparently is. What I'm saying is that for as much as I hear you say so often that you can't avoid these messages, I work in sex and people talking about sex all day, and the only person I feel like I'm encountering those messages from on the regular is you.
I feel like when I have tried for angles of discussion that lean towards actually getting past this, you tend to avoid them (like not saying anything per my questions about being patient with yourself, as an example), but you dig all the way into continuing to talk about the negative parts of this; about being deep in it.
Now, maybe that's just because you still are SO deep in it you literally cannot think about anything else or think past it. If that's the case -- and it might be -- then I'm afraid that's probably not something we're going to be able to help you with much, if at all. That, then, is obsessive thinking or some branch of it, and that's a mental health issue we're just not qualified or able to give the kind of help with that's likely to help. Heck, in a semi-public medium, we're just in the wrong environment for that kind of work altogether because we can't even talk to you about this stuff the way we would behind closed doors, you know? If this feels like the case, then probably the best we can do for you is to support you in whatever your therapist suggests/does to start helping you with that issue.
But that might not be the case. I might be saying things you already know, so forgive me if I'm being obvious, but we all can absolutely stay in bad headspaces or ways of thinking that make us feel terrible because, even though we feel terrible, we are finding some kind of benefit in that shittiness. For example, let's say that I think I'm the most horrible person, and I keep latching on to things that validate that way of thinking, even when I'm provided opportunities to think I am wonderful, not horrible. Why would I do that? What's the benefit to me in that? Could be a lot of them: an allowance for me to be horrible, for instance, or a thing that keeps my self-esteem low enough to keep me in only situations that feel comfortable for me, instead of taking positive risks, a way to excuse someone else's abuse of me so I don't have to do the hard thing of acknowledging someone I love is an abuser, or even a way to protect myself in something abusive.
The good news, btw, if the biggest barrier here is you is that it's actually a LOT easier to improve or even fix than if the biggest barriers are external, and thus, more or even totally outside your control. Personally, however else I may feel about it, I'm usually pretty relieved to find out I'm the big problem in something because I can work on me and usually have more success than when I have to try on work on someone else, you know? You're still going to have to figure out how to be patient, mind, because like I said, this is not going to be instant or fast, no matter what. It's clearly super deep-seated in you, as you know, so no matter how you slice it, this is just going to take some time.
What do you think? Is this about obsessive thinking, for one, do you think? If not, what about the option that you are actually yourself very attached to this way of thinking and feeling, and that's at least one big reason why you're finding it so hard to shake?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead