Scarleteen

Hello!

The thing is i’m currently talking with someone i met on the dating app Grindr and he wants us to meet to have sex. I have never had sex before but i feel sexually attracted to this person and at the same time i feel totally comfortable with me having sex with someon casually for the first time.

Anyway, i still have got doubts, not based on other opinions or anything similar but about my own sexual experience and safety.
The person i’ve been talking to wants to directly meet and have sex, and i’m not sure if that is what i want... how can i make sure if this is the way i’m going to feel comfortable? I like his appearance and i’m okey with casual sex, but what inconvenience could this non-personal sexual intercourse cause? How can i know if this is the adecuate situation? Should i wait and make sure i meet a person a know and trust more deeply? isn’t the idea of “having deep enotional trust” for your first sexual experience a bit problematic and arcaic?

Thanks!

Hi Verniver,

It sounds like you have a pretty solid sense of how the other person wants this go. So, that means that one questions is: how do you want this process to go? You mention you're not sure if meeting and going straight to sex is what you want. When you think about the different possible ways to meet this (or any) person and progress to being sexual, what elements do you want or need to be present for you to feel comfortable? For instance, while some people don't need a deep emotional connection to a sexual partner, plenty of other people do, and both of those needs are okay.

As for potential challenges, casual sexual encounters often require a person to be very comfortable communicating with a partner, both before and during sex, and with stating and holding boundaries (sex with a more established partner requires that too, but you have more time to build those communication habits). There are also some safer sex risks and challenges that come with having to make high-stakes decisions very quickly rather than over the course of several hours or days, and you can read about why that is here: Casual...Cool? Making Choices About Casual Sex . For those reasons, casual sex may not be the best choice for someone who has little to no sexual experience because they may not feel as comfortable with the type of communication needed. But, it ultimately all depends on the person. Looking at what I've said and reading through that article, are there any points that stick out to you?