I'm so sorry that you went through this. I hope you know that it is not your fault.
Violence and threats are not the only way that people might make us do something we don't want to do. Not listening, or asking again and again to get a different answer, or trying to persuade us are more subtle but amount to the same thing; this person was not seeking real consent, and we would call that rape or sexual assault."Consenting is willingly and freely choosing to participate in sex of any kind...Willingly and freely choosing means we and our partners feel able to make and voice any choice without being forced, manipulated, intentionally misled or pressured."
This comes from one of our articles on consent
. I wanted to share this with you because the feelings you have about something being off...that feeling is real, and it is right. When they didn't accept you saying no, and proceeded to do things you were not happy with, that's on them. Not you. Their behaviour was wrong, not yours.
So where would you like to go from here? Do you want a space to talk about this, or help finding some in-person support? Your previous thread mentioned some pretty heavy things you are dealing with, have you ever had any professional support around that?
You mentioned assertiveness, and I want to say it again, this happened because of them, not you, no one can say for certain that being more vocal would have changed anything for the better. That said, many people find assertiveness a useful tool, and it can take a bit of practice to learn it. If you like, you could check out this article: Be Your Own Superhero: Learning How and When to Stand Up for Ourselves
. Is there anything in there that resonates with you?