Hello! I'm a 20-something year-old woman, growing up and living in a very "conservative" and religious environment. I describe myself as a practicing person, too, although so much more liberal than most people here and I also share a different point of view about being intimate with a loved (and conseting) one.
The first time I decided to go intimate year ago with my current partner, I had a terrible pregnancy scare. I think this was because I knew very little about sex (no sex-ed I ever received in my life), but mostly because I was so scared of the social consequences I had to bear were I really pregnant. Thank God I wasn't. It then led me to educate myself about sexual stuffs mostly through this website (thanks for existing!
But here's the problem. Now that I feel so much more informed than before, I still cannot shake the worry off my mind whenever I got intimate with my partner. I am aware that I have always played safe and done stuffs that are risk-free (he has no STI, so in this case I'm talking about pregnancy risk)--for example I and my partner only engage in fingering or handjob (manual sex) and dry humping with our undies on, in which he ejaculated far from my vulva. No PIV. Also, when we chose to grind naked, he always put a condom on and pull his penis away from my lady bits when he's about to ejaculate. The recurring worry always hits me after we had fun and this just ruins everything. This stays for days or even weeks and only can be erased when I finally get my period. I always have scenarios playing in my mind about my parents finding me pregnant, and how disappointed and angry my family would be, about how my future would be ruined. I would usually go on the internet to find justification (which I should not do I know) but all the anecdota answers just add to my worry. This might sound so exaggerated but living in such environment where being inimate is a taboo, these thoughts just kill me.
What do you think is wrong with me? Why do I still have worries even though I practice risk-free sex? What should I do? I don't think seeing a psychologist and talking about this counts as an option where I live. I just want to have worry-free fun with my partner!