My husband and I have enjoyed a great sex life but over the years as he has gained more confidence in himself as a man, those things which cause him dysphoria have become significantly elevated. Our sexual intimacy has been severely negatively impacted. Communication about this is ongoing but I feel that his emotional state and dysphoria change faster than I'm able to keep up. Consent to sexual activities is ongoing but I won't say I'm not frustrated that every encounter now feels like walking on eggshells, because it's almost never the same.
The current issue is that he feels emasculated by anything "less" than P+V sex (he says he feels like a lesbian without it) - this is a new and unexpected evolution of his dysphoria and it is both alarming and confusing. He has also been extremely vocal that he is disappointed and frustrated that I don't express explicit attraction to male genitalia. In my effort to show him unconditional affection and walk that line with his body dysphoria I have been very neutral/ambivalent about what I say about his body. I have been clear that he turns me on, I am very attracted to his body, and I love having sex with him, but it's not what he wants to hear. I know he's seeking enthusiastic excitement about dicks from me but we both know that's just not how my desire works. Due to physical pain and dysphoria the only act he wants to receive now is a hand job with a toy, but I am not confident or comfortable doing this yet. It is now a large conflict in our sex life and I know he feels that I am denying him "the last thing he enjoys".
He's slated for phalloplasty in November so I'm sure that is affecting him.
My inclination is sex counselling like, yesterday, but are there any rocks I haven't overturned yet???