Scarleteen

I almost feel like it was better before I took my anxiety medication and had panic attacks all the time because at least I never did anything potentially dangerous. A couple days ago I had PIV sex with a condom but I also had unprotected oral sex so now I'm worried about STD's and I'm still kinda worried about pregnancy even though the condoms didn't break so I'm probably ok.

Realizing in hindsight that you may have made a choice that wasn't great for you can be a bummer, definitely. You mention that you're on medication for anxiety: are you also seeing a therapist or counsellor? Do you have any strategies that help ease your worries when you're feeling particularly anxious?

(Also, if you want to talk about making choices that you feel more comfortable with in the future, we can do that!)

Thank you. I do have a therapist and I will be seeing her in a couple weeks. I'm feeling better now, I was just having an anxious moment then. I think part of my anxiety also comes from being uncomfortable with my sexuality, even though I don't come from a very religious background I guess I've still internalized some shame. I think also another part of it comes from the fact that my relationship isn't exactly what I want it to be. I don't even know if the person I'm seeing considers me his girlfriend or just a friend with benefits, and he's told me before that I've been too clingy so I've been trying to give him space but after having had sex with him I feel closer to him, and I know I should probably break up with him but at the same time I don't really want to.

There's a lot of pretty awful messaging in our culture about sexuality, even for folks who didn't grow up in a strongly religious environment, so it's not surprising that you have some level of internalized shame. Is sexuality something you feel like you can talk to your therapist about?

Per your relationship, that does sound like a tough situation to be in. Have you ever sat down with this person and asked him directly how he sees your relationship, or would he likely not be very open to having that kind of conversation?

Thanks, I just saw your last message. I will definitely be talking to my therapist about it, I could possibly talk the person about it but it's hard to talk to him unless I see him in person because whenever I try to text him he acts really distant, but when I'm with him in person I have such loving feelings for him it's hard to complain.

It can be really difficult to feel very strongly about someone but at the same time be unsure if they're a good fit for you as a partner (and to be honest, it doesn't sound like this person is treating you very well). We have a piece that you might want to take a look at as you think about whether or not this relationship is something you want to continue: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

This one could be helpful too: Hello, Sailor! How to Build, Board and Navigate a Healthy Relationship