Welcome to the boards, chezmer.
Let me drop a few facts on you, a couple links for you to find out more with, and then a couple suggestions.
"Frigid" is an antiquated term from a hundred years ago that wasn't scientifically sound then and it sure isn't now. I'd suggest you drop it, because it's both sexist and meaningless.
When any kind of sex feels good, it's usually because someone feels excited about it before it even starts. It sounds like -- correct me if I have this wrong -- the way sex goes with you two is that it starts with penis-in-vagina intercourse, and then ends with things like oral or manual sex for you.
If I have that right, know that for those who enjoy intercourse as receptive partners (the folks with the vagina, not the penis), that's usually because they have done other sexual things they enjoy first and find satisfying, like what you're saying about how external clitoral play feels for you. If you two flipped things around so THAT came first, you may well have a very different experience with intercourse than you have been.
It's also important to communicate during sex, both when things do feel good and when they don't. So, during intercourse, when you're not getting anything out of it, it's important to say something. That way your partner can know and you two can try changing things up with it -- try a different angle in the position you're in, a different position altogether, or doing something like rubbing your clitoris during intercourse -- to see if that makes a difference.
Or you may not: not everyone enjoys intercourse, of every gender. The same way that not everyone likes all the same foods, not everyone likes all the same kinds of sex. So, if it turns out that even if you do flip things around, try some other adjustments and still don't like intercourse, maybe you just don't like intercourse. If so, that's okay. You don't have to just like all men don't have to enjoy being receptive partners for anal intercourse. Make sense?
Most of what I have said here assumes YOU want to have intercourse. Do you, for yourself? If not, it is something you get to tell a partner just isn't your thing, so no thanks you, and then you two try and come up with things to do sexually you BOTH like, are into, and feel satisfied by.
Orgasm doesn't usually involve a release of fluid from your genitals. Sometimes ejaculation may happen, but that's not what orgasm is and that's not particularly common for people with a vagina, rather than a penis. Orgasm also does not result in hallucinations: people who have told you that are exaggerating the experience, or perhaps using that word because they can't think of a better one to describe it. Orgasm is a short -- usually just a few seconds -- nervous system event that creates a brief feeling of euphoria (AKA: feeling super good) and some muscular contractions.
I'm going to give you some links to fill you in on how the whole sexual response cycle works, on anatomy and pleasure, and a couple others I think may be helpful information for you. If you want to keep talking after you've read this response and those pieces, I'm happy to do that with you.But just know nothing's wrong with you here: just sounds like over the years, there's been a not-so-great pattern established in your marriage with sex that has meant you feeling unsatisfied and worried, but patterns can always be broken!
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Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
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With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body
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The Great No-Orgasm-from-Intercourse Conundrum