Scarleteen

I’ve known this guy since 8th grade but we recently started talking and sending normal pics on snapchat and just talking. We barely text on snap and we barely talk in real life, only school. He is known for being a player and he’s had sex with girls and has stopped talking to them. He’s also been in a relationship and broke up with the girl just because she didn’t want to have sex with him. I’ve never had a relationship and i’ve always wanted to have sex and he is really cute and i like talking to him but I feel weird if my first time is just for sex and nothing else. I don’t want to seem lame and I feel like I shouldn’t expect my first time to be “special” (i would rather date them and then have sex) I also want to be in a relationship with him. what should I do?

I hope you don't mind me jumping in and responding, but I was in somewhat the same situation before, an older boyfriend of mine wanted to have sex with me but I wanted to wait. I told him to wait because I felt I wasn't ready at the time and wanted it to be special. He ended up breaking up with me and I know, even if he didn't tell me, it was because I didn't want to have sex yet. Now to your situation, he is known for being a player and then leaving girls after, if you wanted to just have sex with someone and not wait until after you and him have dated for a while, then that is obviously your choice and no one will shame you for it. But I know you said you wanted to wait and want it to be special. I think that if he doesn't respect your want for your first time to be special, then he is not mature enough yet for you honey. Sex can be very intimate and I am glad I waited until I knew I was ready and waited so it would be special with my current boyfriend. Despite what people in high school will tell you, it is not lame to want your first time, or any time, to be with someone you deeply care for and to have the want for it to be special.

Maybe keep talking to him at school, start texting him on snapchat, get to know him more. If he brings up the sex topic and he ditches you because you want to wait until y'all are dating and you want it to be special, then he is not worth your time.

A comment about your "I feel like I shouldn’t expect my first time to be “special”, sex is what you make it. If you want it to be special, then it should be. It is whatever expectations you put it to. I personally wanted it to be special for me but is ultimately everyone's choice on how sex makes them feel. But if you want it to be special, don't lower your standards for someone else.