I'm in a 1 year relationship with my boyfriend who does everything for me. The beginning half of the relationship I was in a monogamous mindset but then I started having feelings for other people (mostly women). Just close to our 1 year anniversary, I spoke to my boyfriend about having an open relationship for just women and having him be the only man but he was totally opposed to it. Apparently he doesn't see it any different than if it's with another man. Personally I do.
One of my coping skills was watching lesbian pornography. I did initially have thoughts about going behind his back but I wouldn't because he doesn't deserve it. I have cheated on past partners. Here's the problem, I really love this man, but at the same time I've only had a physical experience with one woman in my life and I haven't been with one in 5 years. Just online relationships.
I absolutely hate conflict. I just want to be happy with what I have. I wish I could just take these feelings and throw it in the trash.
Here's the kicker; I'm jealous that he had a lot of female partners, especially in variety. I feel like a guy competing with a guy.
Anyway, I was just hoping someone who might be polyamorous or have outside relationship feelings may have other coping mechanisms to throw out there?