Mom

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_boople_snoot_
not a newbie
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2017 5:28 am
Age: 20
Awesomeness Quotient: My eyes
Primary language: English
Pronouns: He/Him
Sexual identity: Pansexual; Polyamorous
Location: Titusville, FL

Mom

Unread post by _boople_snoot_ »

If you wanna help with this, I recommend you read my posts step dad 1 and 2 because i dont think think will make sense.
My mom never believed me about the situation. She took Matt's side even when she was standing right next to him when he was throwing knives on the counter and telling me to cut myself. She has always taken Matt's side and I dont know how she could have let this happen. Even after everything she still married him. I wasn't invited and neither was my brother. I found out over Facebook. It's so hard to forgive someone who was supposed to protect you, but just stood by your abuser.I can tell she's hurting but I don't think she's even sorry. She literally came to my school, pulled me out of class just to try to convince me that I was remembering wrong.
How am I ever supposed to forgive her. She let me down and I feel like I shouldn't be the one that has to fix it. I don;t feel any need to see her anymore. I just miss who she used to be. Or maybe who i thought she was. :cry: :cry: :cry:
Closets are for clothes :D
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Jacob
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 1060
Joined: Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:33 am
Age: 35
Primary language: English
Pronouns: They
Location: Leeds UK

Re: Mom

Unread post by Jacob »

I'm so sorry you've had all this going on boople.

As I said last time, her behaviour was dead wrong. I hoped maybe she would come around, but it doesn't sound like that happened.

Finding out that she has got closer to your abuser must be so devastating and I think you are doing incredibly well to be where you are now.

My thought reading this, is that I don't think you even can be the person to 'fix' this.

I think of situations like this a bit like mourning. It sounds like she was complicit in your abuse, and when there was an opportunity to support you, she didn't, and that's the sort of betrayal that can really feel like we have lost someone, and have to engage in the process of letting go. It doesn't mean you have to not hurt, or not want things to be or get better. I hope they do to. But it means that getting support for you, where you can, and processing those feelings takes priority.

Do you have any support doing that? Is there anyone you can talk to?
"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome.
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You
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_boople_snoot_
not a newbie
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2017 5:28 am
Age: 20
Awesomeness Quotient: My eyes
Primary language: English
Pronouns: He/Him
Sexual identity: Pansexual; Polyamorous
Location: Titusville, FL

Re: Mom

Unread post by _boople_snoot_ »

I have a few friends, a therapist, and my dad, so I do have allies.
Closets are for clothes :D
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Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 9849
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 32
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Desert

Re: Mom

Unread post by Sam W »

That's really good to hear :) Since you have a therapist, one suggestion I have is to talk to them about your feelings about this situation and ask them for exercises or techniques that can help you process those emotions. As Jacob said it sounds like there is some grief and mourning that you're going through, and your therapist may be able to give you tools to help you move through that grief in a way that lets you acknowledge it while also helping you move forward in your healing. Does that sounds like something you could do in your next session with them?
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