So, I'm not really sure from where to start but here's a summary of the situation I've been stuck in for quite some time:
Since I was 5 or 6 I have struggled with my body image. When I was younger I used to be underweight and if I have to be realistic I can still consider myself skinny (at the moment I'm 169/5'6 tall and I weight roughly 50kg but I'll get to that in a minute).
I have always been anxious about the way I look. When I was younger I was teased for being underweight and it made me hate my body. A couple of years ago I gained some weight but I was still in the norm. However my father made fun of me and kept teasing me and calling me fat. Which resulted in gradual weight loss and an eating disorder along the way. From 62kg I dropped to 47kg in 5 months.
Nowadays I am better than before and I have mostly recovered but I still struggle with my body image. Adding the fact that now I have girlfriend, well, things get slightly messy.
You see, she has clearly hinted that she wants sex and, thank God, she hasn't really pushed me into doing anything but I feel guilty as hell. I don't find sex repulsive but the thought of anyone seeing how disguising my body looks makes me sick. Really sick.
I honestly don't know what to do. I feel guilty but I can't really do anything that will magically make not hate myself and I just keep running in circles.
I'd appreciate any advice, guys.
PC: sorry for the ramble or if I have any mistakes, english is not my native language