insecurities

Questions and discussions about your bodies and their parts.
Just_a_boy
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insecurities

Unread postby Just_a_boy » Tue Jan 30, 2018 11:24 pm

I usually feel like I'm lesser than others, or like people only tolerate me/I'm the least liked of all the people in my friend group. I really want to have someone to be with like a girlfriend/boyfriend but don't think that that anyone would want me or even notice me because of my body, I have gynecomastia (which is when you're a boy and you get boobs because you have too much estrogen) and people have always bullied me about that, I don't think that anyone would want to be with me because I'm not physically good enough, and I don't think I could win them over with my personality either as people don't really seem to like me. I don't know what I'm even asking or what to do tbh I just wanted some advice on life I guess

Heather
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Re: insecurities

Unread postby Heather » Wed Jan 31, 2018 12:28 pm

Welcome to the boards. I'm so sorry that you're having these struggles with self-esteem and with harassment from others. This is a really hard headspace to be in and get through, and I'm glad you found us and asked for help.

Can you tell me a little bit about how you feel like you got here? Did you always feel this way, or did something change somewhere down the line (like the harassment you mentioned, for instance)? When you do feel like this about yourself, is there anything you've found you can do that helps you deal with it and helps you get back to better self-esteem? Is there anything you spend time doing in life where you can kind of forget that you feel this way and feel good about yourself?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Just_a_boy
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Re: insecurities

Unread postby Just_a_boy » Wed Jan 31, 2018 4:39 pm

I've dealt like this since like grade 6 (in grade 11 now) which was about the time the bullying started, I can sometimes forget about my problems when I play guitar

Heather
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Location: Vashon Island, WA

Re: insecurities

Unread postby Heather » Wed Jan 31, 2018 5:39 pm

I'm glad that you have at least one thing (I'm a musician, too: thank goodness for it when we need it!).

So, it sounds like a lot of this is because you have been harassed, which for sure isn't surprising. have you ever been able to get someone you can talk to about these feelings, like a counselor? If not, would you be open to that? Good counselors can often help the best when it comes to getting us back on track with positive self-esteem and improving our self-image.

As well, do you have any friends where you really feel close, and don't doubt they want to spend time with you?

If not, as much of a jump as it may sound, I also am curious if you've ever had anyone evaluate you for depression. Whether it's chemical or situational -- from things like bullying and its impacts, for instance -- depression can really make it a million times harder to have positive self-esteem. It can also make us feel things like that no one really likes us, even when that's just not true.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Just_a_boy
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Re: insecurities

Unread postby Just_a_boy » Wed Jan 31, 2018 8:50 pm

They have counselors at school, but I've only ever talked about courses with them. Should I try and talk about personal issues too, I'm really shy so it'll probably be hard but if it'll really help maybe that's a good option.

I have 2 close friends but one of them I'm not sure would be the right person to talk to about this, the other one would be perfect to talk to about stuff like this though.

I haven't ever been evaluated for depression, I've been going between being really sad most of the time for the past year, I was thinking about suicide a lot but never did it, (I'm doing better now than I was back ten but I'm still usually sad). I wanted to ask my doctor about depression but I got to scared and when I was gonna ask her I froze up and didn't ask her. Should I be evaluated for depression?

alice
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Re: insecurities

Unread postby alice » Wed Jan 31, 2018 10:26 pm

Hey Just-a-boy,

Hope it's okay that I'm jumping in here. I want to second what Heather said: I am sorry to hear that you have dealt with harassment, and have been struggling with self esteem, sadness, and at times, suicidal thoughts. That is so much to manage. I hope you can give yourself a big pat on the back for persevering and being so brave.

You described being really sad for much of the last year, and thinking about suicide--both of these things make it sound like you are suffering from depression. I want to remind you that you are not alone (tens of millions of people in America alone experience depression), and it can absolutely be treated. Depression is often treated with a combination of therapy and medications, but therapy would be a great place to start off. There you can share your experience with a mental health professional, hear their feedback, and talk about next steps for helping you to feel better.

Talking with a school counselor is one option, is there a counselor that you would feel open to talking with about this? If not, or in addition, you could seek out a therapist outside of school. What do you think of that? Would you like help with the process of finding a therapist?

Since our friends usually don't have the same extensive training that mental health professionals have, they can't replace the role of a therapist. But they are absolutely important too! You mentioned that one of your friends would be a perfect person to talk with about what you have been going through. How do you feel about bringing it up with them?

Just_a_boy
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My sexual identity and orientation: Bisexual
Location: Canada

Re: insecurities

Unread postby Just_a_boy » Thu Feb 01, 2018 6:11 pm

I have a school counselor but I don't really know her and I'm unsure of what I would say, I would also be open to therapy outside of school, and would like help with that.

I actually did bring it up to them last night because they asked me how I was doing. It was a pretty good talk.

Something I wanna ask is if some of the issues with my past were with someone in my family and other things involving my family, would they have to report that? The only time I've been asked if my home life was okay was in grade 5 but I was scared they I would post my family if I told them it wasn't.

Sam W
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Re: insecurities

Unread postby Sam W » Fri Feb 02, 2018 9:38 am

Hi Just_a_boy,

I'm so glad to hear the talk with your friend went well! Having people who we care about, and who we know care about us, can be a big help when you've hit a rough patch with your mental health.

With finding a therapist, I suggest taking a look at this article to start out with and seeing if you have any questions about it. It has advice on both the process of finding a therapist and tips for figuring out if a therapist is a good fit for you: Process This: Getting the Most Out of Therapy . The advice in that piece is based around the system in the U.S, but much of it will still be relevant to you. If you need help finding specific resources in your area, that's something we can help you do as well.

I'm not 100% certain what the rules around reporting are in Canada (or if they vary by provence), although the information I can find suggests that reporting is required if they believe harm is occurring or is very likely to occur. If the incident happened in the past and there's nothing to indicate the person(s) involved is still hurting you, then my guess is that they don't have to report (that's definitely the rule in the U.S, and it looks like it's the case in Canada). What I always recommend is asking a therapist about the rules around reporting during your first session so that you're clear on them. That helps avoid any misunderstandings around reporting in the future. Does that help answer your question?

Just_a_boy
not a newbie
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2018 11:18 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I play guitar
My primary language: English
My pronouns: Him/he
My sexual identity and orientation: Bisexual
Location: Canada

Re: insecurities

Unread postby Just_a_boy » Fri Feb 02, 2018 3:58 pm

Yes, thank you

Sam W
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Re: insecurities

Unread postby Sam W » Sat Feb 03, 2018 9:16 am

You're welcome! Is there anything else we can help you with right now?

Just_a_boy
not a newbie
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2018 11:18 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I play guitar
My primary language: English
My pronouns: Him/he
My sexual identity and orientation: Bisexual
Location: Canada

Re: insecurities

Unread postby Just_a_boy » Sun Feb 04, 2018 12:59 am

Actually, do you have any advice for how I may bring this up with my mom or someone else? Who should I bring it up to?

Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 6483
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I know every word of The Lorax by heart.
My primary language: english
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My sexual identity and orientation: queery-queer-queer
Location: Vashon Island, WA

Re: insecurities

Unread postby Heather » Sun Feb 04, 2018 4:47 pm

Who do you *want* to bring it up to?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Just_a_boy
not a newbie
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2018 11:18 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I play guitar
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My pronouns: Him/he
My sexual identity and orientation: Bisexual
Location: Canada

Re: insecurities

Unread postby Just_a_boy » Sun Feb 04, 2018 11:20 pm

Probably my mom, I'm usually pretty shy even with her but I feel like it'd be better to tell her than someone like a counselor

Sam W
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Re: insecurities

Unread postby Sam W » Mon Feb 05, 2018 8:19 am

We can certainly help you brainstorm some ways to talk to her, if she's the person you want to bring this up to first. Is she your first choice to talk to about this because you feel like she'll listen to and support you? Or is it more that you feel like you *should* talk to her first, even if that's not the most comfortable option for you?

Are you thinking of telling her about the same issues you brought up with your friend a few days ago? Or something different?

Just_a_boy
not a newbie
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2018 11:18 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I play guitar
My primary language: English
My pronouns: Him/he
My sexual identity and orientation: Bisexual
Location: Canada

Re: insecurities

Unread postby Just_a_boy » Mon Feb 05, 2018 6:24 pm

Idk I feel like she's the only one who will be able to actually get me help, if i turn out needing it rather than just talking to my friends and still crying every night.

Not really the same but connected, I wanna tell her that I think I'm depressed which I should have done when she asked me but I got scared and lied to her

Sam W
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Re: insecurities

Unread postby Sam W » Tue Feb 06, 2018 8:31 am

Got it. When talking to your mom about this, it may help you to focus the conversation on what you need from her in terms of help. Having there be a specific thing you're asking her to help you with may make the conversation less stressful on her and, by extension, on you. Beyond that, how much detail you want to tell her about what's been going on for you is up to you and what makes you the most comfortable. You may also want to take some time to write out what you want to say as practice, as well as consider what questions you think she might ask you and how you'll answer them if she does. Preparing like that can make the conversation a little easier on you. I'd also recommend that you plan some time to do something nice for yourself after you talk to her. That could be chilling out and reading, playing guitar, calling a friend, anything that's going to help you destress after the conversation. Does that all make sense?

Just_a_boy
not a newbie
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2018 11:18 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I play guitar
My primary language: English
My pronouns: Him/he
My sexual identity and orientation: Bisexual
Location: Canada

Re: insecurities

Unread postby Just_a_boy » Tue Feb 06, 2018 8:53 pm

Yes, thank you

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 4588
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I handle raptors for fun
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My pronouns: she/her
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Re: insecurities

Unread postby Sam W » Thu Feb 08, 2018 11:10 am

You're so welcome :)


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