Help

[ButterflyBaby16]

I have Vulvadynia, Clitodynia, and PGAD (Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder). My gyno, suggested Masturbation Therapy, but I am not sure how I feel about a random person Fingering me or using toys on me. Is there maybe a way that the therapist can teach my wife what to do to help me? I have constant sharp pains inside my vagina and some lot of burning. About 40% of my pain can be fixed just by my wife gently rubbing my clitoris. Rarely can she finger me without severe pain. I just want my vagina to stop hurting so bad and to be able to enjoy all of the whole body orgasms my wife gives me. Are there other treatments for any of my conditions that will help ease the pain and burning? Trying to think outside the box as unfortunately my gynecologist does not know a lot about my conditions. Thank you for your time.

[Sam W]

Hi ButterflyBaby,

I'm sorry to hear this is causing you so much distress and that you're often in pain. You mention your therapist suggested masturbation therapy. Often, that refers to a client trying things on their own (or maybe with the help of a partner) and experimenting to see if they can find methods that work for them. Did your OB-GYN specifically say they or another care provider would be the one performing it on you?

Too, since your current provider is not that familiar with your conditions, have you and they discussed referring you to someone who may be more knowledgeable about those specific areas?

[ButterflyBaby16]

My OB-GYN did not specify who would be performing the therapy on me, I just kinda assumed it would be my Dr. I didn't ask even think to ask to be honest.

Also I am looking into some provider who is more knowledgeable but for now my current provider as suggested oral clitoral stimulation, which don't get me wrong feels amazing sometimes and it does helps however it makes the pain subside for a few minutes and then it comes back twice as bad. My poor wife tries so hard to help me but unfortunately she usually ends up holding me while I cry in pain. I am willing to try anything at this point. A friend I met via snap facebook group told me to ask about acupuncture, but I've never had that done and I don't think needles being stuck in my vagina or clitoris is going to feel good

[Siân]

Hi ButterflyBaby,

I'm sorry that this is so difficult for you. It sounds like finding a new provider who is more knowledgeable about this would be a really good step. How's the search going?

It sounds like your wife is really supportive with this. Have you tried solo masturbation too? It might be a good way of controlling the sensations so that they're what is most helpful to you and help you take some ownership of your own treatment - making space in the relationship for things that are about both of you in different ways.

[ButterflyBaby16]

My wife is very supportive, she tries her best to help me in anyway she can. I haven't actually masterbated in a long time as either I don't do it right or it's just not for me as it does nothing for me. To be honest I have no clue what to do to myself. I've only masterbated a hand full of times in my life. I read a few articles on it and ways to do it. I am going to try tonight. I also got a referral to a new OBGYN that specializes in these kind of conditions so hopefully my appointment on November 8th goes well and I get some kind of relief.. In the meantime my current OBGYN gave me this cream to gently rub on my clit and and my vaginal opening.. Im hoping it helps in the meantime

[Sam W]

I'm glad to hear you've got a referral to someone who will likely be better equipped to help you out with this situation. With the other things you're experimenting with in the meantime, it may help to keep in mind that there's no "right" way to masturbate; there's simply they way (or ways) that work for you. Too, with recommendations from your current care provider or your new OB-GYN, it's okay to push back on things they suggest that you know only increase the pain or discomfort (like receiving oral sex) and ask them if there is something else they suggest. Do you feel like you're comfortable having those kinds of conversations?

[ButterflyBaby16]

to be honest you would think after talking about this for years I would be more comfortable than I am. I still get a little embarrassed sometimes, but I can't get help with this if I can't explain what the issue is. Sometimes I just show the Dr my journal of what's going on and I also keep records of what I have tried things I won't try, and things I want to ask about trying.

[Sam W]

Keeping those records and bringing them with you is an awesome idea! Plenty of people find tricky to talk with care providers, especially about things related to sex because they've gotten so many messages about those things being private, embarrassing, or taboo. If you haven't seen it yet, you might want to take a look at this article and see if the advice in might help you out: Dealing With Doctors: Taking Control of Your Health Care Destiny