Caught my boyfriend in a lie - what now?

[oteboog]

Hi.

So Z and I have been dating for just about a month. It's been going really well. Z and I are polyamorous. He is in an open marriage with G, and besides me he is also dating X. X is in a poly relationship with L.

With me so far? Hopefully.

When I found out about X, I was a bit jealous, but I could handle it. Z has been very good about reassuring me, and about not giving me more detail than what I want to hear. However, we were talking about all five of us going out dancing, and he said "G's not ready to meet X and L just yet - but she's okay with going dancing with just us three." I said okay.

Today I found out that Z, G, X, and L are already friends. G has already met them. They are friends on social media. They have been tagged in posts together from over a year ago. X and L went to their baby shower. They clearly know each other.

Which means Z lied to me, and I don't know why.

I asked him, but he's asleep, and I won't get an answer until later on in the day. It's driving me crazy. He did not need to lie to me. I am not so angry and jealous that I need to be lied to.

I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. I want to believe there is a rational explanation for this - maybe there was some friend drama from a while back, and G's not ready to interact with them quite yet? Maybe since this thing with X is a new development, he meant G isn't ready to interact with X and L as partner-and-metamor of her husband?

I don't know what to think. Z is the nicest guy I've ever gone out with. I don't want to find out he's lied and then dump him. I feel like I would regret it. But I don't want him lying to me, either.

[Sam W]

Hi oteboog,

It sounds like you already know that the best course of action is to talk to Z and find out what's up. Have you had the chance to do that? If so, how did that conversation go?

Am I right in that Z and G are the couple from your previous posts? If so, how are feeling about your relationship with Z in general? You mention he's the nicest guy you've ever dated, but how are you feeling in terms of all the relationship dynamics going on?

[oteboog]

Ah, sorry, but I feel kind of guilty about talking about this sort of thing publicly instead of person-to-person. I'm probably going to delete my posts. Don't take it personal.