Re-handling pregnancy scare anxiety

[Lola2018]

Hi
As you might know I used to have big anxiety issues regarding pregnancy scares.
This time I’ve been super chill until today.. I should get my period in 3 days or so. And I know I’ll get it because you told me that contact from penis to hand to vulva doesn’t present a risk.
And also because the time I did have vaginal sex, the condom did not slip or brake (he even pulled out while or before ejacultion).

Thing is i am pretty calmed, but at times I get a tiny bit scared (nothing like last year).
I just want to feel accompanied... does that make any sense?

I want to have a healthy sexual life. Like others do, without worries. Believing in their birth control methods (my case condoms).

Thanks for the suppport.

[Sam W]

Hi Lola,

You're certainly not the first person to feel this way, or to want a way to make those anxieties you're feeling go away. Since you mention wanting to believe in your birth control method, I think this article could be helpful right now: Have a Little Faith in BC . Does anything in that article feel relevant to you?

Too, it may also help to think about ways to be intimate with your partner that don't involve vaginal sex. After all, plenty of people who don't want to risk pregnancy still have happy, healthy sex lives by choosing to engage in activities that don't pose a risk but that still allow for sexual intimacy (and by finding non-sexual ways to be intimate with a partner like the ones in this article: Intimacy: The Whys, Hows, How-Nots, and So-Nots )

[Heather]

I want to add that support around worries stemming from sex with a partner should, ideally, be something you can get from that partner if you're in an ongoing relationship (rather than a one-night stand or other, more casual scenario). You say you want to feel accompanied: if you're not asking your partner for support with your concerns (or are, but they won't give you any), that's probably part of why.

[Lola2018]

Thank you so much guys!!!!!
I know I should talk to him.. I used to to to my ex about my anxiety and he wanted to send me to a shrink (i just wanted support) he said I was crazy.
And with my current boyfriend I’m treating to keep things cool, calm and drama free. I have talked to him about how much I do not want to be pregnant before marriage. And he agrees and feels the same way. I just don’t want to overwhelm him with my anxiety (specially since I feel that not talking about it like I used to has helped me keep calm).
It’s just that sometimes it comes to me.. maybe because it’s the first time I’ve had sex in a year (it was a whole year scare free and it was awesome). But now I feel like I’m ready to have sex and be calm about it. I’ll just take it step by step I guess.
Thank you for everything !!
I like to have someone to talk makes me feel not alone while waiting

[Heather]

Knowing that's how your ex responded, it may well also be that some of this anxiety is worry about being found out for having these worries. I think that would be understandable, and if so, that adds extra stress which, as you know all too well, triggers more or greater anxiety.

If it feels too soon to share this, it does, and I think you can trust your own instincts about that. But hopefully sometime soon you can find a way to share some of it -- if nothing else, just that it's something you experience sometimes, and might want a little support with -- so it doesn't have to feel like something you need to keep secret. Having anxiety isn't something you should be ashamed of: it's very common and a lot of people suffer from it.

[Lola2018]

Thank you so much it helps me a lot to feel better.
I feel a bit guilty of not being so worried. But I keep telling myself that if the cod on didn’t brake I’m not pregnant.

[Lola2018]

Is it ok if I keep you posted for when I get my period (it should be in two days or so)
I don’t wanna loose touch.

[Lola2018]

I’m
Sorry guys I’m starting to freak out a bit. I thought I finally got rid of this anxiety. And even though u know I must get my period in kinda worried.. I hate it. Why do I do this to myself. Not fair.

[Lola2018]

Just got it. Thanks