Threesome + Total Inexperience Advice??

[redhtcphone]

Hiii! i just made this account for this question lol. anyways, im a 15 year old girl (bi/pan) who is good friends (theyre [some of] my best friends) with a couple that were thinking about having a threesome, and my friend told me about it and asked for my thoughts. i was honest and said that even though im a complete virgin (i masturbate and know pretty much all you can know without experience with another person) and never have even kissed or dated another person, i would possibly do it. we are going to talk about it all together soon, but i want some other opinions/insight going into it

other info that might be helpful: these are my two closest friends and theyve been in a relationship only for a couple of months, but they have both had sex + relationships before. Ill call them M (a girl, same age as me, also bi) and C (a boy, mostly straight, a year older than us). im mostly worried about how it would affect our friendship afterwards and how it would affect their relationship seperate from me. Im not worried about losing my virginity because in my opinion its a made up concept, but with anything i dont want to regret it. i also know that im gonna lose it at some point, theres no need to rush. im bipolar, (im not manic atm and im not hypersexual, so its not really a factor, and ive been doing well lately so thats a little bit irrelevant but worth mentioning) and have a therapist. im thinking i should get advice from my therapist (i have an appntmnt next week) abt it, so we can leave the bipolar disorder out of it and ill have that convo in another place. i know a lot about sex and im very mature for my age (and im not just saying that, i know it gets heard from 15 year olds a lot but lol i actually am). we would definitely practice safe sex, and i know its going to take a lot of communication and honesty on all parts, to see if this is even possible. i still have yet to make up my mind, and i know i can withdraw from the situation at any point, so its all fully consensual. i have googled this and figured i might as well ask here im not worried about how people see me, and tbh it would be a cool story to tell, and i trust both of them immensely. i am also thinking of starting out with just kissing the both of them to get a feel for things before jumping in the deep end.

i think thats all so yeah thank you

[Sam W]

Hi redhtcphone,

My first piece of advice echoes something you've already said: if this happens, there needs to be a lot of open, honest conversation about boundaries, desires, and safety (for instance, you'd need to make sure you're all on the same page about what safer sex in this situation looks like). Because of that, I'd suggest slowing this whole process way, way down.

There are two big pieces of this I'd urge caution and soul-searching around. The first is boundaries. Masturbating gives you a great sense of your own body and desires, but it can't always clue you in to where your boundaries are. Heck, sometimes a partner has to stumble over them for you to discover that they are there. And boundaries are something that people with a lot of sexual experience can still get tripped up by, especially in a context like a threesome. I urge anyone considering a threesome to proceed with at least some caution, and that goes double if you have limited experience with sex and sexual communication. I'd take some time to think about how you and they would handle the fact that this is your first sexual experience and you'll likely be learning things about your boundaries in the midst of it. Does that make sense?

The other piece is: what do you want? Is there something in particular you're hoping to get out of this experience (and I'd ask them the same question)? Is being in this threesome something you actively want to do? The reason I ask is that in your post I see you listing off why this wouldn't be a negative experience, but I'm not seeing an equal amount of why this would be positive experience for you. Is this something you're eager to try? Are you excited at the thought of this scenario, and these two people, being your first sexual experience and partners?