In terms of the SRS, I think you do with that what feels right to you. SRS isn't just something for binary trans people, some nonbinary people go that route -- in any number of ways, just like binary or more binary trans folks -- but it's also something that isn't for everyone, period, and also may not be the right thing for a certain person at a given time.
By all means, if it's possible for you to at least get some good, in-person therapeutic support for your dysphoria, especially the most severe and uncomfortable ways it manifests, like in severe aversion to and thoughts of self-harm about certain body parts, I think that is something that could be great for you, and from the sounds of things, probably fit your needs better than hormones or surgeries could. And of course, you can also have discussions with someone who provides this kind of care professionally about that, as well; that's something a mental healthcare pro in this field is generally an ace at.
You said a lot in your first post about things that upset you or feel traumatic, destructive. I didn't see much about things you have so far found feel supportive, and help you with acceptance. You did mention having appointments with a sexologist (do you mean a sex therapist? not sure about the cultural translation between us with that term) and feeling good exploring some aspects of your gender identity: that sounded like it was helpful, no?
What else that you have tried has felt affirming and supportive so far? Have you sought out or taken part in any support groups for other trans or nonbinary people, for instance? How about reading books, videos or other kinds of media by or for nonbinary people? Do you know about Genderfork (I always ask people that, because it's just been such a great spot for so long, and I think it's awesome)? It's here, if you want to peek: http://genderfork.com/
Does looking at that kind of media feel like it helps for you, like it upsets you, or just kind of does nothing?
Do you have any friends who are either also nonbinary, or who are otherwise genderqueer or trans? If not, how do you feel about seeking some out? What about friends supportive of you in this regard: any of those, and if so, does leaning on them help?
Do have have any kind of space that feels emotionally space for you where you can present yourself, and just kind of live your life as yourself, in gender-affirming ways? Like, are there any opportunities, even all by yourself, where you can just kind of be in your own Utopia with how you'd like to be seen and accepted? Where you feel more inclined, too, to accept yourself?