Hi,
at age 13 to 16 1/2 I identified as bisexual. I always wanted to visit a café for queer people to figure out if I "really" was bisexual or not, but I was way to shy to go there. My problem was (and still kinda is) if I made up being bisexual since I had a fairly bad experience with a guy that used me as his online-sidechick at age 14. The experience left me being afraid of men, male bodies and having nearly no self confidence. Therefore I projected my feelings on women. I had a small crush (or maybe I was just afraid in the situation and simply wanted to pretend I like them) on two girls and a major crush on a guy. However, I couldn't really deal with the crush on him especially since I've never crushed that hard on somebody before.
Two months ago I've decided to come out as straight to my friends. At the same time, I started visiting the queer café and really, really liked it. The people are so amazing and I want to get to know them better since I want to make new friends, too. I struggle a bit with being straight in general but I think It's wrong to pretend I'm bisexual any longer. I've never been in love with a woman, I cannot imagine beeing in a relationship with a cis-woman, I'm not aroused by cis-female bodies as I'm by cis-male bodies therefore the bisexual label does not really fit. I don't know. My problem is if I should stop going to the queer café since I'm obviously straight even though I want to meet people who have the same opinions like mine on queer politics and are queer themselves. It's a safe place for me, too because I don't have to defend myself for having certain opinions. I feel home there but also very guilty. Being "secretly straight" feels awful. I fear they won't like my anymore or forbid my visiting the café ever again even though I'm 100% on their side just because I only can be with men*. Being straight is weird for me since I'm afraid of having intercourse with cis-men and beeing with cis-men because I fear they'll exploit me. The same could happen with a woman but I'm somehow less afraid of woman in general than of men. Being straight only gives me the option to be with men* thefore I struggle with accepting it because I have to face my fears. If I could choose I'd like to by bisexual and biromantic. But I can't, and I think I wanted it too hard because I'd feel special and safe.
My close friends still love me, straight or queer, but while they had a hard time accepting their queerness it's reversed in my case.
The question is, knowing about my struggle with beeing straight, should I still visit the café or would it be "wrong"? Would it be wrong going to the Christopher Street Day, too?