How to tell someone I am not interested?

[Kitty]

I have a crush on a girl and I want to tell her soon but a boy keeps hanging around me and saying that he likes me. How do I tell him to back off without telling him I don't like boys?

[Sam W]

Hi Kitty,

There are a few different ways you could phrase what you want to say that wouldn't require you to reveal your sexual orientation. The exact wording is up to you based on what feels the most comfortable but you'll want to keep what you say as brief and as clear as possible. Saying things like, "I'm not interested in dating you" or "I understand that you like me, but I need you to understand that I don't like you back in the way you want me to" make your feelings clear. It may also help to remember that you don't owe him any explanation for your feelings other than the fact that you're not interested in him. Does saying something like that feel doable you?

Can you also give me a sense of whether there are any behaviors of his, like hanging around you or getting in your space, that you'd also like to address when you tell him you're not interested?

[Kitty]

That sounds doable, and as far as his behaviors he tells everyone I am his girlfriend and hangs all over me.

[Heather]

So, this sounds to me like someone who is really crossing a lot of lines, and who you are probably going to need to be very assertive and clear with.

I would suggest that you find a way to tell him, maybe in the company of one other person you trust, the kind of thing that Sam suggests, and also add that you are asking him not to call you his girlfriend, as you are NOT and not interested in becoming so, and that you also don't want him touching you without your permission. If you know you don't want him touching you, period, you can leave off the "without your permission" part.