Welcome to the boards! Although I'm sorry that it's being in such a tough place that's brought you here.
First, I don't think you did anything wrong by connecting with another guy while you and your boyfriend were broken up. It's not wrong to flirt with, date, or be sexual with someone else when you're broken up with someone. Sometimes people get upset about it, especially if it's soon after a breakup, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. If we're broken up with someone, that means that our relationship agreements with them are over, so it's not wrong to behave as if we're not in a relationship with them, because we're
not.
Your ex-boyfriend is allowed to feel however he feels about it, because that's just how feelings are. But you don't actually have anything to apologise for or to make up for.
Now, about the relationship with your ex-boyfriend and what you were actually asking.
I wish I were able to give you the answer you're looking for, because I can hear how very much you're hurting and how very alone you feel. But I wouldn't be able to give that kind of answer to anyone who asked what you have here, because when someone says they don't want to be with us, there is nothing that can be done to fix that. I'm so sorry. I know that's very hard to hear, and even harder to accept.
What I
can say instead is:
You are worthy of being loved.
I promise.
What your ex-boyfriend thinks of you or says to you is
not a comment on your worth or on your loveability. You are loveable, and you can be loved.
You deserve better than being with someone who says they hate you. We all deserve better than that! Being with someone who doesn't want to be with us isn't a way to be happy. Rather, it's a guaranteed way of being very
unhappy. I want better than that for you!
Can you have a read of
Getting Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking ? Are there things there that help you, or give you some different thoughts?
I'm really sorry to hear that your friends weren't able to support you. That always makes something like this feel extra-extra tough. I'm glad you've found Scarleteen and we're happy to be here for you in the ways that we can be. Is there anyone else in your life - maybe a friend you haven't seen in a while, a family member, a teacher, ...? - who you might be able to talk to about feeling so alone?