Okay, so first up, it sounds like you probably have a urinary tract infection (UTI). If you have access to healthcare of any kind, I’d suggest you use it to get seen. They are easy to treat (usually just a round on a mild antibiotic), but if left untreated, can spread to your bladder or kidneys and get very dangerous.
Still not getting complete answers from you, but it’s sounding like probably ALL the thibgs on that list have been issues. So, what you can do for each of them is:
a) Be sure to start with using plenty of lubricant, adding more as/if needed
b) Get more turned on before starting intercourse, both by doing things that help you chill out, then by taking part in other sexual activities you find exciting and enjoy that are not intercourse. That can include activities to “warm up” your genitals like rubbing your external clitoris or oral sex on your vulva, for example.
c) Take your time and tell your partner to, as well.
d) Tell your partner when something hurts or doesn’t feel good, then work together to tty different things - like more lube, a different position, being more gentle, taking a break for a different kind of sexual activity, etc.
How’s all that sound? Doable?
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