So I don't know why, but like I don't really have the ability to sex except through a scientific lens.
I used to not able to when I was younger, but for about a few years I just haven't been able to. Maybe it's cause it's less taboo and I understand it now, but I just can't.
For example, I was online shopping with a friend of mine, and she started looking at swimsuits and underwear. I didn't really feel anything. I just was like helping her out like "oh that color's cute" or "dude if you hit a wave, they're popping out, it's way too small you're gonna be suffocated haha" or "that one looks uncomfortable, why's her butt hanging out?" She eventually had to explain that it was more for looking hot than function, which it took me like WAY too long to understand.
Additionally, I went on another date, didn't feel anything. Whenever anyone's flirting with me I either don't feel anything or don't realize it. For example: I've been asked out 3 times cause I didn't realize I was being hit on, but I've never asked anyone out. I've never really been able to have a crush in a while (like maybe a year or two), and even then it wasn't for very long at a time. They were also fairly rare.
I also never have been sexually attracted to anyone ever, because I didn't really understand the concept fully until now. I dunno, I just thought people were exaggerating or making jokes. Also, I don't really get crushes anymore and I don't know why. I mean people are nice but I can't really find myself getting past the stage of "oh she looks nice and I bet she'd be a good friend." My friends were really confused and one was asking me "why I couldn't just stop looking through a scientific lens" and I didn't know how to respond after that or when she said "if you tried it maybe you'd like it" either. I'm on some antidepressants but I know it's not that cause ive felt like this since before I was on them, and that was just cause I couldn't produce folic acid or something.
I dunno. Is this like a physical problem with me? I'm either done with or towards the end of puberty, but I dunno. I just don't really like the idea of intimacy.
This week, I had to stand with this girl I used to "date" for a few weeks earlier this year (few months ago) really close to her for a photo shoot. It looked like we were about to kiss, and I've never been so uncomfortable. My other friend says maybe I haven't hit "mental puberty" or just don't produce testosterone. But if I didn't make any then I wouldn't be growing or have to shave, right? Idk. Is this a medical thing, or am I just late in feeling about people in that way, or am I just nothing in terms of sexuality? I know I've posted about being ace but for some reason the realization that I'm different just hit me today pretty hard. I've never 'played with myself', watched porn, wanted to have sex with anyone ever, and I don't know what my deal is. Can y'all help me?