so about 8 months ago I met a friend, he was cool, and I enjoyed being around him. we would see each other on the bus, and we would tease one another. he finally asked for my number, and I was excited. (I didn't see him as a romantic interest) when I got home, I texted him immediately. after a few minutes, he dubbed me as his "texting buddy". I felt loved and wanted to spend more time with him. a few days later, he brung up the topic about nudes. I told him no, that I wasn't ready for that yet. he tried to beg for them, but then after my consistent no's he stopped. I thought everything was fine. I was wrong.
he began to pressure me into sending him nudes and I kept saying no. at one point, that's the only thing he would text me about. I was fed up. then, he invited me over. I thought this would be a great time to talk things out face to face with him and tell him I wasn't interested in sending him pictures. boy, was I wrong.
I went over to his house (he lives right behind me) and he was waiting outside the door. he was acting kind of nervous and I could see that he had a boner. I ignored it and watched him sit down. we talked for a while and he asked, "can I touch your tits". I was disgusted and told him no, and that I wasn't going to do anything sexual with him ever. he smiled and tackled me to the ground. he pushed me up against the wall and groped my breasts. he began to try to make out with me as I struggled to get out. (he was a lot heavier than me) i finally got so tired that i just let it happen. him kissing me and groping me. the next thing i knew he was trying to put his hand down my pants. i finally realized what was happening and i got free. i tried to say something but no words came out. i couldn't even leave to go home i was so shaken up. he kept hugging me and i felt so uncomfortable. it was time to go home so i left, i didn't say goodbye, neither did he. i was expecting a text from him when i got home, but nothing. he never texted me again, which i was happy about, but hurt that he just used me for his own pleasure.
4 months later, the realization finally kicked in. he went to my school, and having to see him everyday was giving me major anxiety and horrible panic attacks. i had to cut class and hide in the bathroom almost all day. i was cutting more, crying more, and just scared. i attempted multiple suicides, and tried to run away. i finally got up the courage to report it to the school counselor, because she was talking to me about my grades and my cutting in the bathroom and how it wasn't acceptable. she seemed sympathetic at first and brung in the school officer and principal. i told the police what happened, and the boy was sent home. i was relieved, i wouldn't have to see him at school anymore. i went home and felt pretty good.
i went back the next day, hoping for a good day, when i saw him. they hadn't sent him to a different school. they hadn't sent him to juvie, no punishment at all. my heart sank and realized the school didn't care. i consulted the counselor, and she said "it wasn't in their policy to send a student away for that". i said ok, and went back to class. my depression got worse, and after 3 suicide attempts, not even my parents wanted to help. my dad, to this day, still says that I'm a fucking pussy for feeling like this, and that i need to grow up. they were becoming a toxic relationship. i ended up having so many panic and anxiety attacks that, i was kicked out of school. they said they "couldn't handle me". again, basically saying my feelings were invalid. i was sent to a new school, where after 3 weeks of it, i realized if no one cared, then i would have to get better on my own, i told my personal counselor that i needed to be checked into a impatient facility. i spent 2 and a half weeks there, and no one seemed to want to help me with it either, other than my friends i made.
so back to the question. is it really that bad? are my feelings valid? is it my fault?
-saturn ☆ ❤︎
postnote: my parents are becoming very toxic, to the point where they are making my depression worse. is it a good idea to leave and crash at someone elses house, for my well being?