Drunk

Questions and discussion about sexual or other abuse or assault, and support and help for survivors.
Forum rules
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.

This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
kreed95
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Re: Drunk

Unread postby kreed95 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 11:29 pm

So a couple of things to update you on. I’ve gotten control of my life again. I’m moving to Ohio in less than a month. My dogs are leaving in 6 days to go be with my biological mom. And at the beginning of January I will be going to join her

Sam W
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Re: Drunk

Unread postby Sam W » Thu Dec 14, 2017 8:48 am

Thank you for the update! Those all sounds like excellent steps in terms of getting you out of your current situation, and I'm glad to hear you're taking them. Is your bio-mom someone you feel safe with, and someone who you think might support you in healing from the abuse you've survived?

Too, to make sure you're as safe as possible, do the family members you currently live with know about this plan? If so, how have they reacted? I ask because it may be necessary for you to take some of the steps listed in our safety plan to keep you safe until January, especially if the people in your house decide to escalate their behavior: The Scarleteen Safety Plan

kreed95
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Re: Drunk

Unread postby kreed95 » Thu Dec 14, 2017 5:29 pm

My dad says he is shocked. And he only asked if I told my step mom. Which I haven’t because I just found out last. I love my mom and feel extremely safe with her.

kreed95
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Re: Drunk

Unread postby kreed95 » Thu Dec 14, 2017 6:11 pm

I was also informed that I was insane because I’m going back to Ohio after leaving last time so abruptly. But last time a lot played into it. Now I’m able to breath. Even though Simba and Nala don’t understand what’s going on it’s scary for me

Sam W
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Re: Drunk

Unread postby Sam W » Fri Dec 15, 2017 8:30 am

I'm so glad to hear that your mom is someone you feel safe around. If you haven't already, as you make your plans to move I would suggest finding some new support systems, both for general mental health and for abuse and assault survivors, in the area you'll be moving to. While getting out of your dad's house will likely have huge benefits for your well-being, it's still going to take some time to heal from what's happened. Does that sound doable?

When you say it's scary for you, can you be a little more specific about what's scaring you right now?

kreed95
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Re: Drunk

Unread postby kreed95 » Fri Dec 15, 2017 6:34 pm

Yes it’s sounds duable that’s the main reason why I’m going down there. My dad and step mom is calling me insane. My dogs are leaving on wednesday. Than I am riding a greyhound for 20 hours by myself.

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
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Re: Drunk

Unread postby Sam W » Sat Dec 16, 2017 9:32 am

Oh good, I'm glad to hear you'll be moving somewhere where you can access different support networks! If you need help getting connected to resources in your new home town, that's something we can help out with if you'd like.

I'm sorry to hear (although not surprised, given their other behavior) that your dad and stepmom are harassing you this way. Do you sense that they might escalate their behavior or try to stop you from leaving in the next few days? I don't ask that to scare you, but to make sure that you've got a safety plan in place in case the situation gets rapidly more dangerous or they try to exert more control over you to stop you from doing what you've planned to do (something we know abusers can, and will, do when they sense their control slipping).

kreed95
not a newbie
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Nov 03, 2017 6:16 pm
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My pronouns: kim
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Location: Alabama

Re: Drunk

Unread postby kreed95 » Sat Dec 16, 2017 10:09 am

No they really don’t care they just feel like she is going to hurt me. But she has never done that so I’m not worried bout it.

Sam W
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Re: Drunk

Unread postby Sam W » Sat Dec 16, 2017 10:44 am

Got it. It sounds like, then, that you've got a pretty solid plan for getting you and your dogs somewhere safe. Is there anything else you'd like support or resources around right now?

kreed95
not a newbie
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My pronouns: kim
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Re: Drunk

Unread postby kreed95 » Sat Dec 16, 2017 12:25 pm

I would like information on a difference support network.

kreed95
not a newbie
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Nov 03, 2017 6:16 pm
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My pronouns: kim
My sexual identity and orientation: straight
Location: Alabama

Re: Drunk

Unread postby kreed95 » Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:46 pm

I think though right now the thing that is scaring me the most is the fact that they have no clue when my dogs will get to Ohio. They are picking them up right before Christmas. So they don't think they will be with family for Christmas which is really hard for me. So I'm hoping they will at least get to have there Christmas presents I bought them. Then I have to be separated from them a month. Then next month I will get on greyhound and make the day trip to be with them

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 4232
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I handle raptors for fun
My primary language: english
My pronouns: she/her
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Location: Desert

Re: Drunk

Unread postby Sam W » Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:01 am

Okay! A good place to start researching possible supports is the Ohio Alliance Against Sexual Violence, as they offer a county by county break-down of survivor resources: http://oaesv.org/get-help . As for more general mental health support, that will depend a little on your insurance situation and your location. This article goes over the different steps to finding a new mental healthcare provider, as well as ways to get the most you can out of therapy: Process This: Getting the Most Out of Therapy

It makes total sense that sending your dogs ahead of you would feel stressful. You obviously care a lot about them, and they've been a source of support for you during some incredibly hard times. It may help to remind yourself that, even though you don't know the exact time of their arrival, you do know that when they get there they'll be somewhere safe. Focusing on that big positive aspect may help you feel a little less stressed.

kreed95
not a newbie
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Nov 03, 2017 6:16 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: nothing
My primary language: English
My pronouns: kim
My sexual identity and orientation: straight
Location: Alabama

Re: Drunk

Unread postby kreed95 » Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:12 am

Right now I'm focusing on doing research for vets for them. Even though I already have a vet the more research I do for them it will be easier to let them go. Plus its seriously just a see you later because I will be there in a couple of weeks.

kreed95
not a newbie
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Nov 03, 2017 6:16 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: nothing
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My pronouns: kim
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Location: Alabama

Re: Drunk

Unread postby kreed95 » Tue Dec 26, 2017 9:30 pm

I leave in 2 and a half weeks. And my life just got a lot more stressful with this move and all. Because I found out this morning I'm pregnant. I am afraid to tell anyone,

Heather
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Re: Drunk

Unread postby Heather » Wed Dec 27, 2017 12:56 pm

Well, since you've just told us, how can we help you with this? Would you like to talk with us about it, including making choices about it (and getting information about what to do to make those choices, whatever they are happen, if you need that)? Would you like help figuring out who to tell if you already know what you want to do and want or need to tell others?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

kreed95
not a newbie
Posts: 62
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Re: Drunk

Unread postby kreed95 » Wed Dec 27, 2017 1:54 pm

I'm worried because I don't believe in abortion. But yet I don't think I could give a child up for adoption. I cant tell my dad and stepmom because I'm terrified of them kicking me out like the did to my twin. I don't want to tell him because than there is that constant memory of him in my life. Where as if I keep it to my self I don't have to worry about him finding out about it

Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 6127
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Location: Vashon Island, WA

Re: Drunk

Unread postby Heather » Wed Dec 27, 2017 2:28 pm

I can't say what this is or will be like for you, but it's very common for peoples feelings and beliefs around reproductive choices to change if and when they are actually pregnant, rather than when they are not or haven't been in the past. And sometimes, people wind up making choices that ideally, they rather wouldn't, but that seem like the best choice in their specific situations. Figuring out how you feel about and what you want to do with a pregnancy is something a person can really only get a real sense of when they are actually pregnant and living in the reality of the actual circumstances of that pregnancy.

I don't have a sense of what you'd like to talk about with us, though, since I'm not really seeing answers to my questions nor you asking any of your own. Can you let me know what you'd like us to talk about with you around this?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

kreed95
not a newbie
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Nov 03, 2017 6:16 pm
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My pronouns: kim
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Location: Alabama

Re: Drunk

Unread postby kreed95 » Wed Dec 27, 2017 2:41 pm

I really don't know any choices. I didn't want to get pregnant before marriage and now that I am. I'm terrified of what people will think because I'm not married. I don't have anything figured out about who to tell or anything.

Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 6127
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
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My primary language: english
My pronouns: they/them
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Location: Vashon Island, WA

Re: Drunk

Unread postby Heather » Wed Dec 27, 2017 2:45 pm

Well, you first have one basic choice to make between two options, and narrowing it down to just that one choice can be helpful: you can choose to intend to stay pregnant, or you can choose to terminate your pregnancy. Both of these choices are options for you.

How far along are you in this pregnancy? If it's early, I'd suggest you give yourself some time, without worrying about telling anyone anything just yet, to just think about this one choice to start.

If you'd like some help in that, this resource -- http://www.pregnancyoptions.info/pdfs/P ... ons_WB.pdf -- is one that can help you think through this and consider your options clearly and realistically. I have often used it with people when doing options counseling and help.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

kreed95
not a newbie
Posts: 62
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Re: Drunk

Unread postby kreed95 » Wed Dec 27, 2017 2:53 pm

I am 7 weeks.

Heather
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Location: Vashon Island, WA

Re: Drunk

Unread postby Heather » Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:04 pm

Okay. So, you have time to at least give yourself a couple of days to just process this and to think about this first, most basic (though certainly plenty complex for most people) choice.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

kreed95
not a newbie
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Nov 03, 2017 6:16 pm
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My pronouns: kim
My sexual identity and orientation: straight
Location: Alabama

Re: Drunk

Unread postby kreed95 » Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:10 pm

I'm obviously keep it off social media. Than I'm thinking keeping it immediate family once I'm about 20 weeks

Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 6127
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I know every word of The Lorax by heart.
My primary language: english
My pronouns: they/them
My sexual identity and orientation: queery-queer-queer
Location: Vashon Island, WA

Re: Drunk

Unread postby Heather » Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:31 pm

I really would strongly suggest this is something that rather than try and come up with fast decisions here, on the boards, or anywhere else, you really give yourself a few days, at least, to process and to start working through, using that workbook if needed.

You're at 7 weeks. Hopping to a decision you may (or may not) want to make at 20 weeks, if you even decide to remain pregnant, is shooting way far forward, and just not likely to be the best way to work through this. You're not at 20-week-choices. You're still only at this first choice, at choices you can make at or not much further than 7 weeks along. Get what I mean?

Why don't you go take some quiet time for yourself today to get started, and at least take a look at that workbook? Once you really take some time, and can at least come back here firm on your choice to remain pregnant or not, then we can help walk you through some next steps, and keep going forward -- but never too far ahead of where you're at, because that just doesn't tend to work with pregnancy and its choices -- from there.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

kreed95
not a newbie
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Nov 03, 2017 6:16 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: nothing
My primary language: English
My pronouns: kim
My sexual identity and orientation: straight
Location: Alabama

Re: Drunk

Unread postby kreed95 » Sat Jan 13, 2018 9:39 am

So I did end up going into a domestic violence shelter. And now I have a protection order against him.

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 4232
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I handle raptors for fun
My primary language: english
My pronouns: she/her
My sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: Drunk

Unread postby Sam W » Sat Jan 13, 2018 10:08 am

Hi Kreed,

I'm glad to here you've gotten to somewhere safe and have taken steps to keep someone who hurt you away from you (I assume the "him" here is your former fiance, but please correct me if I'm wrong). At the very least, you'll be somewhere safer until you can get to Ohio to be with your mom, and this was an incredibly brave step to take in looking after yourself.

How are you feeling about the pregnancy piece of all this? Have you gone through the workbook and come to a decision about whether you want to continue the pregnancy or not, or is that something you still have yet to do?


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