ace?

[tos3]

I'm a survivor of rape and COCSA. I currently identify as bisexual, though I rapidly oscillate between hypersexuality and sex-repulsion. Does this affect my orientation, and if so, is there a word for it?

[Heather]

Orientation, as a frame, is really about what gender of people a person is attracted to (or not). How much desire a person does or does not have for sex with someone else (or themselves) isn't really part of that framework.

Whether or not a high or absent desire, or both, has an impact on your orientation is really one of those things only you can observe and know about yourself. It might, it might not, it might sometimes, but not others, but that's really for you to say for yourself.

[Amanda]

Some people choose to distinguish between their sexual orientation and their general level of sexual feelings/expression. For example, someone could identify as pansexual and demisexual, which means they can experience attraction to people of any sex/gender identity, but only to people with whom they have a close emotional bond. There are many, many identity terms and communities out there--including asexual and graysexual. You can find great information and conversations happening here around these identities: http://www.asexuality.org/en/

Additionally, a good course of action right now could be introspection and self understanding from the inside, rather than thinking of yourself in terms of how to be understood from the outside. In other words, you don't need a label to validate what you experience and how you understand yourself! Do you journal at all? If not, that could be a really useful tool for working through your ideas and experiences. If you'd like I could add you to the Scarleteen journal group and you can journal here on the message boards within an exclusive community.