am I too weird?

Questions and discussion about your sexuality and how it's a part of who you are as a person.
idontknowsexual
newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:13 am
My pronouns: he
My sexual identity and orientation: not sure
Location: spain

am I too weird?

Unread postby idontknowsexual » Thu Mar 21, 2019 3:01 am

Hi guys.
Im new even though Im thirty something Im confused. i see myself as a man,I have not gender issues. its my sexual life or preferences that dont seem to git into any category at the moment.
I will start from the beginning. as a kid I grew up admiring women beauty,and I was sexually around by their atributtes very early on 5 o 6 eyars old I think... I was never atracted to men but I had some curiosity for the male organ.A mix of feelings curiosity and disgust.
I was never the kind of guy that sees an atractive woman and visualizes intercourse. My fantasies were mostly touching them and them touching me.
I started to consume porn and got fascinated or obessed with oral sex.I found it gross to give it to a woman but I loved porn of women giving oral to men.
I eventualy started to have sex with women,very late cause I was very shy.Around 18.It was something I mainly did pressured in some way,cause thats what you are suposed to do. I really didnt feel the urge of inserting myself in a womans body. As time went by I started to like intercourse and I enjoyed it a great deal ith some relationships I had.
I never enjoyed giving oral to women.I just did it for their pleasure.It disgusts me.
At some point I started to have impotence episodes with girls. I think it was because of too much masturbation and somehow not feelin confortable with intercourse.Maybe the pressure of satisfying her,maybe the smell was gross,or I was too drunk or insensitive because of the masturbation...maybe a mix of all those things.
I was still obsessd with recieving oral sex. I started watching more and more oral sex porn.I stopped meeting girls cause I didnt want to fail in bed and get embarrased.Also the questions on why I dont like to perform oral sex on them ..like something was wrong with me implying maybe I was gay.
At some point I developed curiosity on performing oral on a man and I did. At first I didnt like it or dislike it. But over time I really got into it.
Today...I dont like men at all,dont like be touched by men,kiss or anything. I dont like anal sex with women or men.Ihave only watched heterosexual porn all my life.
All these sexual experience go hadn in ahnd with a personal growth where now I see sex more in the sense of reproduction and a very intimate experience that I dont like to share with just any woman. I dont see myself inserting myself into someones body I barely know or waking up int he bed of someone I dont care.But Im a very independent man,in the sense that Im not interested in a relationship with a woman. So I love women,their boies their voice,everything. But I dont want to have intercourse with them as a one night stand,Im not interested ina relationship either. My ideal exccenario would be a friendship witha girl I feel atracted,that includes affection,touching hugs,kissing,not sure if only cheeks or mouth tooo.and she masturbating and giving me oral. As formen..Im not intered in relationships or sexual encounters at all,I dont find them atractive,I dont want any afection towards them or them touching any part of my body.the only thing Im interested is giving them oral.
I think of myself as heterosexual,cause Im not atracted to men I cant call myself bi at the moment.and I still apreciate and atracted to women.
Lately I see myself growing to be a bit asexual. I consume very little porn compared to years ago. I dont feel the urge of meeting men and give them oral the way I used to. And I also dont feel the need of touching women or recieve oral from them as intense as before.
If you could tell me what category I belong to or if Im too eird.
Obviously its difficult for me to find a woman willing to have a friendship where we dont have sex and she gives me oral while I dont reciprocate. Women seem to look at oral ex as only a ay do get back what they want. On the other side men giving oral to men do it only for the pleasure of doin it,not necesarily expecting intercourse in return. But I dont like to recieve oral from a man.
Im in thise weird situation. Most people I talk in chat try to convince me that Im gay in denial.But thats not the case,I simply dont like men touching me or their bodys,I love women touching me,I dont like giving oral to them or intercourse with and I like giving oral to men.
Regarding my relationsips I always felt like the sweet caring sensitive of the couple,wich is weird.I dont know if those are stereotypes of men or womn behavior but i have always been like that,sweet caring sensitive but so in love with women.Im a titty boy and adicted to porn.But in so many ways I relate more to women than men.I dont have transexual tendencies but I relly would like to develop friendships with women. The problem is Im very atractive so I cant be the kind of friend they telll everything or the gay friend.There too much tension they feel my desire and I feel theirs so the friendship cant last.the problem is i dont want to find myself again in the situation of being forced to penetrate a woman so she doesnt think Im gay or tell anybody then try and not get it up.Or just because Im suposed to do it and I have to u know...
I wish I could find a woman so sweet and caring able to give me love affection and pleasure me sexually with masturbationa nd orally a woman that understands Im not confortable with intercourse or oral sex to her but I can bring so many morethins to the relationship.love afection loyalty caring.

Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 7182
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I know every word of The Lorax by heart.
My primary language: english
My pronouns: they/them
My sexual identity and orientation: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: am I too weird?

Unread postby Heather » Thu Mar 21, 2019 5:32 am

Hey there. I suspect a language barrier may be making some things sound a bit different than you mean here, but we can only really work with what a user writes. So, in the event I have misunderstood anything, please feel free to clarify for me, and my apologies. I'm going to be pretty straightforward here, but if I have misunderstood you, it may feel harsh. That's not my intent.

You know, I don't think the central issue or conflict here is just about that you don't want to have intercourse or that you only want receptive oral sex and to masturbate with a partner.

What I am hearing here suggests that really ALL you seem to want from women are these things and other things that are about what women can do for you, and mostly for you sexually, no less. I'm seeing what looks an awful lot like you only seeing women as vehicles for your needs and wants and likes, not as actual whole people, who not only have their whole own sexualities that are going to be about their wants and needs, not just yours, but who also have the whole rest of themselves as people.

What I am NOT seeing anywhere here is any talk from you about what you actually would offer women as a sexual partner and friend, which is the relationship it sounds like you want with women: that of a friend and sexual partner. What's in it for a woman who gets involved with you? Because honestly, it's sounding to me -- just based on this post -- that the answer is... well, not much. I see you talking a lot about what a woman can do for your body, and I hear you talking a lot about women's bodies and sexualities in what sounds like a very objectified way to me (and yes, I do see a good deal of stereotyping here, too, as well as some straight-up misogyny). I hear you thinking pretty completely about what you want someone to do for you, based solely on what you want, but I literally don't see anything that suggests what you bring to the table save at the very end there, barely. It also sounds like you have a lot of justifications in here for NOT actually being friends with women, some of which sounds pretty garbage to me, like how you look being a thing that limits your abilities to be friends.

I also want to clarify something:
Women seem to look at oral ex as only a ay do get back what they want. On the other side men giving oral to men do it only for the pleasure of doin it,not necesarily expecting intercourse in return.


Perhaps this has been your experience, but I don't think this is a sound generalization. I think that on the whole, people -- of all genders -- generally don't enjoy or want sexual relationships that feel one-sided, or where they feel like the only sex they have is what a partner wants, and what centers that one partner. By all means, people, including women, can engage in fellatio (penis-receptive oral sex) and enjoy themselves a lot, and like doing that for its own sake. But that is a lot less likely if that person feels objectified throughout, or feels like during that activity and outside of it, their partner doesn't want to engage with their sexuality or what they want, too. What you appear to be looking for is a sexual partner who ONLY wants and enjoys providing oral sex for a partner and nothing else (and if you are looking for someone to be in a monogamous relationship with you, then perhaps who will have that be all their sexual life is, save their own masturbation separate for you).

By all means, there are probably some people in the world who fit that bill, because we are all so sexually diverse that for every way of being sexual, there generally is at least someone -- and often a good deal of someones -- who like a thing. But given some of the other dynamics around all of this, including what sounds like what might be you just literally not seeing a partner past your own wants, chances are good you are not going to have a lot of takers here.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

idontknowsexual
newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:13 am
My pronouns: he
My sexual identity and orientation: not sure
Location: spain

Re: am I too weird?

Unread postby idontknowsexual » Thu Mar 21, 2019 1:04 pm

[quote="Heather"][/quote]
Hi I think you indeed misunderstood what I was trying to say,and not because of my language. And I also think your post screams "hurted" maybe because of your personal experience? Im not gonna go into that cause its not my business but something tells me if I was a woman and not a man your reply would have been veeery different.
I dont know where you get the idea that I objetify women...Im also not asking anybody to do anything. Im just saying what Im comfortable of doing sexually,and I dont think anybody not me or a woman should have to do anything she doent feel confortable with.
And that has nothing to do with me thinking of women as only a piece of meat.I adore women in so many ways. As a matter of fact I would love a relationship with a woman where I can enjoy her company,mutual trust and those things that you say I talk about briefly at the end.But a woman wants her needs satisfied either intercourse or orally.
My post is mainly towards my sexuality,not towards my relationships. Im not interested in a relationship at the moment for so many other personal and circumstantial reasons that are not relevant to this issue even though this one is another reason to the mix...but just to make it clear even if I didnt have this sexuality problem id still choose stay single.I ve never been a relationship type really.
Even if I was interested in a relationship at the moment, (and yes I would have so many things to bring to that relationship aside from sex,cause I have brought them before and no I dont look at women as only beings made to satisfy me sexually) not having intercourse and not giving oral would be a problem.
Just because I understand a woman has her needs too and most relationships are reciprocal thats why I know it can be a problem.
Aside form that the relationship problem wich I completely understand was not my focus,but its what your reply has focused on cause you seem to be a feminist tired of people objetifying women. But trust me you ar knocking the wrong door Im absolutely able to apreciate women in so many different ways and bring so many things to them aside from intercourse trust me.
My post was mainly towards getting to know where my sexual preferences put me.Just wondering if theres any category or people that feel the way I do. I know some people would simply call me bi cause I stick a penis in my mouth, but to me the answer is not that simple when I feel absolutely zero atraction for men.
So no,its not that I only want a woman to give me oral. its more the other way around,they wont give me all the things you say a woman can bring to a man aside from sex if I dont give them intercourse.
And no,you dont find girls that want to give oral to man just for the love of it witout recieving oral back or intercourse back ,a long term relationship back (involving intercourse) or money back. Thats a fact. And you do find men ready to give oral to other man for the love of it asking nothing in return. Thats a fact that you cant deny. trust me I know cause Ive spent countless hours in the internet for years,analizin both men and women in conversations chat rooms you name it. Any proposal to a woman for her to pleasure me orally expects one of the things Ive listed.
anyways I didnt want to turn this thread into a feminist or men vs women post cause it isnt.
I just said it to clarify that if I liked men felt atracted to them and enjoyed them giving me oral I could at least get oral from men,but I dont feel confortable with it and like I said women want things in return. And no I dont go to prostitutes cause I respect women dignity and Im not gonna contirbute to it. I did when a was younger a few times,cause you are young horny drunk,you dont know better and you got peer pressure.
In short,NO. Im not a selfish macho that wants to use women for his selfish needs. As a matter of fact if you read all my post Ive said I gave oral to women when I was in a relationship even though it disgusted me. So you can see there if you are not biased that I do care about women and their needs when Im in a relationship. But at this point in my life I just feel thats not ok. I should not put myself in positions where Im not confortable on my own skin or sexuality just to please someone. I think if Im in a relationship that person should have to accept me as I am and Im suposed to feel confortable having sex,just like anybody else.and if thats not the case maybe we both should find another partner or stay alone.

idontknowsexual
newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:13 am
My pronouns: he
My sexual identity and orientation: not sure
Location: spain

Re: am I too weird?

Unread postby idontknowsexual » Thu Mar 21, 2019 1:09 pm

[quote="Heather"][/quote]
Where do you see misoginy and stereotypes please? I just stated my personal experience of me being the sensitive sweet and caring in my relationships,contrary to stereotypes.and yes I want a relationshiip with a woman with those qualities,te same way you can desire any other quality in a man. Dont try to catch me with your feminism labels cause I only see persons.I only talk about my personal experience. and yes if you can find a woman able to give me oral asking absolutely nothing in return ask her to register and send me a private message...good luck finding her you will need a lot of it

Jacob
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 767
Joined: Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:33 am
My primary language: English
My pronouns: They
Location: Leeds UK

Re: am I too weird?

Unread postby Jacob » Thu Mar 21, 2019 3:44 pm

Hi idontknowsexual!

Stereotyping means talking about groups of people as if they are the same.

So telling us that women never have a certain sexual preference, and that that is "a fact", fits firmly into what we mean when we say stereotyping. That's not really up for debate here. Feel free to explore that elsewhere but here it's a nope.

Anyway, when we question your approach to women it isn't to accuse you of anything for the sake of it. It's to address the question you brought here, and to be helpful to you too. Saying you have gone down on women isn't really useful, it just says you did something you didn't enjoy, which isn't what we're asking you to do.

The only thing we can earnestly and helpfully suggest is that you rethink how you think of those you have sex with, as Heather suggested. Those you have sex with aren't just body parts and whether you like it or not, even when it's casual, you are dealing with the rest of them too.

I understand that you feel like you care deeply for women as people such as those who are in your life as friends... We aren't questioning that either. Rather its about how you describe and think of women and everyone else for that matter in a sexual context.

It might be that we aren't the best people for digging into that topic with you. But I am sure there are resources to help.

Finally, with orientation and labels: those things are entirely your choice. Bi does sound to me like a fair descriptor of your sexual habits: someone who does sexual things with both men and women... But if it doesn't feel like it fits you don't need to use it! Sometimes just being descriptive is enough when a single word can't sum it up: "I am into the idea of relationships with women and in the bedroom the I particularly enjoy fellatio where I either take a 'giver or reciever' role"
"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome.
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You

noaccount
not a newbie
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2019 2:34 am
My pronouns: they/them
Location: usa

Re: am I too weird?

Unread postby noaccount » Thu Mar 21, 2019 9:00 pm

Fun fact: Feminism is another term for what was first called Women's Liberation! If you're opposed to women's liberation, then you very much are the Man versus Women that you hoped to keep out of your post!

Another fun fact: If you suspect that someone has been 'hurt' by actions similar to yours, that is a sign that you need to listen EXTRA CLOSELY to them because pattern-recognition is important in examining whether our actions are hurting people! If you instead use it as an excuse to brush them off, that is a sign that potential partners should avoid you!

Hope this helps!

Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 7182
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I know every word of The Lorax by heart.
My primary language: english
My pronouns: they/them
My sexual identity and orientation: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: am I too weird?

Unread postby Heather » Fri Mar 22, 2019 5:22 am

I am very clearly not the right person to reply to you, idontknowsexual, so I won't be doing that any further after this response.

But just to be clear: my responses to you did not, in fact, come out of personal hurt. (Though I think what noaccount had to say about that to you is very much worth paying attention to.) This is my job, not a hobby, and I am exceptionally good at it, in part from having done it for decades. Even if and when my own personal traumas are at issue with people's words, posts or needs, I am perfectly capable of managing them, very much including knowing when I need to delegate work to others because I have a personal conflict that would get in the way of my ability to do my job well.

As well, I assure you that had someone who identified as a woman posted as you have, my response would likely have been identical. Should a woman ever find herself reading this and feeling like you are, I would very much hope she applies the same advice given to you so far to herself.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead


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