I’m terrible at flirting!

[Afte.rmath]

Hello, I’m a 16 year old guy and I can’t flirt at all and the rare occasion I do try to, I fail and I suck horribly at it. Remembering it makes me cringe every time. I have no clue how it really works. Other people make it look really easy. Anyone have any advice?

[makz_marie]

Hi Afte.rmath,

I'm afraid there's not really how-to guide for flirting. I didn't know how it worked when I was 16, and I still don't know how it works now that I'm 21. Part of that, I think, is social anxiety, but part of it is that there's so surefire way to flirt that will apply to everyone, because everyone is different and will respond well to different things. The best thing you can do is pay attention to the people you're trying to flirt with and just interact with them as people, getting to know them in ways that feel natural and comfortable, before asking if they might want to go out sometime.

Good luck!

[Heather]

Very much agreed with makz_marie!

Also, I have personally always felt like I both wasn't good at flirting, but also like it felt false to me, and didn't seem to really net results for even a lot of people who are apparently good at it. Even when I was younger, I generally found that it has felt a lot better to me to just be earnest and direct about what I want in ways that probably won't be overwhelming to someone else. Like makz_marie said, some of that for me is about just being attentive to someone and getting to know them the way I would anyone, as well as telling them what interest I have in them when I know I do in a pretty chill way, like, "Hey, I really like you/spending time with you/hanging out with you. Do you want to go do something just us sometime?"

[Boxers&socks]

Hi Afte.rmath,

I agree with the two posts above--flirting can be tricky and intimidating, especially when it feels like putting on some kind of show. I think there's a false perception that we have to act differently than we normally would when flirting in order to convince people to like us. It can help to remember that ultimately we want people who are attracted to us as we are and who will be forgiving of our flaws and awkwardness--maybe even like these things about us! I'd also say that showing respect and genuine interest in another person go a lot farther than smooth talking and pick up lines. I hope that helps