Hello! I am new to this site and I am very excited that it exists. Anyways, on to my problem.
I am 17, and my boyfriend is 19. He has been sexually active before me, only once doing the actual act, but engaging in oral and other forms with a few other partners. I have realized since I began dating him that he has not had a very good sexual education. I, the younger, no-experience person, have had to teach my boyfriend a lot about practicing safe sex. I found out yesterday, after engaging in oral sex with him, that he thought you could only get an STI from engaging in full on sex. All of you and I know that that is not true. He has never been tested. I care about him, and asked him to get tested at the check up he already had scheduled for Tuesday.
I guess my question is how do I approach the topic of safe sex with him? I don't want to come off the wrong way about it, I don't want to make it feel like I am being mean or unappreciative. I love him and I know he loves me. We have been doing pretty decent communication thus far, but this was a big bombshell that was dropped on me. I just want to make sure that he knows what safe sex is and how to do it. i just wish I could talk to him about it outside of trivial questions that I ask him every now and then. Thanks for the help!!
Approaching the topic of sex ed
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girlonfire
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Sam W
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Re: Approaching the topic of sex ed
Hi girlonfire,
It's great that you're looking for a way to have a more detailed conversation with him about safer sex! One way you could approach it is to have safer sex be part of a larger conversation about the boundaries and desires you each have around sex (we have a great tool to help you with that conversation here: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner ). That would give you a chance to make your needs around safer sex heard, as well as gauge whether there are any other incorrect notions he has about sex and risk. For example, you might say that preventing STI and pregnancy risks is important to you, so you want to make sure a barrier (like a condom) is used for any activities that pose one or both of those risks, then make sure the two of you are on the same page about which activities belong in that category. Does that make sense?
It's great that you're looking for a way to have a more detailed conversation with him about safer sex! One way you could approach it is to have safer sex be part of a larger conversation about the boundaries and desires you each have around sex (we have a great tool to help you with that conversation here: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner ). That would give you a chance to make your needs around safer sex heard, as well as gauge whether there are any other incorrect notions he has about sex and risk. For example, you might say that preventing STI and pregnancy risks is important to you, so you want to make sure a barrier (like a condom) is used for any activities that pose one or both of those risks, then make sure the two of you are on the same page about which activities belong in that category. Does that make sense?
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brittainee
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Re: Approaching the topic of sex ed
Hello!
I personally think a conversation about safety is super important and I can tell it is to you as well! I would also like to point out that if he has already agreed to testing that's a great sign!
The person above shared a great link that I would definitely review and here are some of my thoughts as well.
I would set up a safe place for you both to talk, in person, and lay out that you want this to be a conversation, make him feel safe in asking questions, making comments etc. I would then just start talking, how you always do, just stick to the subject of safety and its importance to you. Make sure to ask him questions during, make sure he is following and is comfortable. If he gets overwhelmed just give him an overview and then talk about having another conversation at a later period. Maybe even take some noted before hand of everything you want to say and kind of go off of it so you don't forget anything.
I personally think a conversation about safety is super important and I can tell it is to you as well! I would also like to point out that if he has already agreed to testing that's a great sign!
The person above shared a great link that I would definitely review and here are some of my thoughts as well.
I would set up a safe place for you both to talk, in person, and lay out that you want this to be a conversation, make him feel safe in asking questions, making comments etc. I would then just start talking, how you always do, just stick to the subject of safety and its importance to you. Make sure to ask him questions during, make sure he is following and is comfortable. If he gets overwhelmed just give him an overview and then talk about having another conversation at a later period. Maybe even take some noted before hand of everything you want to say and kind of go off of it so you don't forget anything.