Scarleteen

Ever since i was a kid ive litterally been the most well behaved person ever, ive never snuck out or done anything even remotely rebellious. Now im almost 16 and my friends have been hanging out at a boys house, shes met all these friends and when we were studying she let me go over there too no problem, but now that its holidays she says i cant and since ive asked to go over has been yelling at me and litterally reducing me to tears with the things shes saying. I dont understand why she doesnt trust me and why i cant talk to her, is there anything i can try to say to make her trust me?

I'm sorry things are tough with your mum. Has she told you why you can't go and what her concerns are? What does she say to you that's upsetting you?

All she will tell me is that she has rules that i have to live by. She will say things like about how i think im more grown up than i really am and just things that dont even really relate so it feels like shes yelling just to yell, to be honest it just feels like shes trying to control my life.

Hi teenfreak,

I;m so sorry that's how she's choosing to interact with you. That is really not okay behavior on her part. Does she tend to do this on different topics, or only in things that relate to possibly meeting boys? And does she not let you socialize outside of the house at all (doing things that are not studying related)?

She will yell a lot about different things, but if boys or anything like that comes up at all its suddenly yelling yelling yelling about everything and anything, which just leaves me feeling like I can't do anything right at all. I can socialize outside of the house with (girl) friends that she knows but I have to send her a text saying "just got on the bus" "just got off the bus" "just got to this persons house" and if I don't text for too long she will ring me, it's not so much that she wants me to text her that upsets me so much that I feel untrusted.
I thought that maybe what she was worried about was that I would be irresponsible and get pregnant, so I broached the subject of birth control, while still making it clear that I don't intend on having sex anytime soon, but before I properly could say anything all she was saying was "just don't have sex" and then walking off as if I said something awful. It just makes me feel like some silly kid because that's what she treats me like. Since all of my friends having been able to go out and do things that I can't do, and seeing them post photos with each other out doing these things that I know my mum won't let me do I find just that I'm always sad and that things I'd normally get exited about doing I find kind of trivial. I've just stopped trying to talk to my um about any of these issues

I'm sorry to hear this: yelling is verbal abuse, and it also sounds like there's a lot of controlling behaviour happening on your mother's part. It's very hard to live with verbal abuse and controlling behaviour.

Ultimately, you have two options as someone who is living at home and can't move out: you can do all anyone can do to try and avoid doing or saying the things that seem to trigger those behaviors in her (and then also do all you can to plan so that when you can move out to get away from this, you're able to), or you can try and talk with her about these behaviours and ask for change. You are going to know better than anyone if she might be able to hear you in your feelings about this and be willing to try and change how she behaves. You also certainly have the option of asking for outside in-person help with this, whether that's asking another family member she respects for help, or someone like a school or family counselor.