I’m 18 years old and I recently had sex for the first time about 3 days ago (Wednesday to be exact). My hymen broke and I bled after that, but I am planning on having sex tomorrow and I’m still bleeding a little bit. Just every now and then I’ll go to wipe and bright red blood will appear. I think it’s called spotting.
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I plan on having sex Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday just so that I can get more used to the feeling and so it won’t be so painful.
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What would happen? Would I continue to bleed? Will it hurt just as much as the first time?
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The first time we used condoms and no lube and I don’t think we’re going to have lube these next few times. I just want to make sure I’m doing everything in my best interest.
What will happen?
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Sam W
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Re: What will happen?
Hi, lilacwjne.
So, first time vaginal sex is not supposed to be painful. It still ends up being that way for many people, but it's not the "natural" outcome of having vaginal sex for the first time.
Most commonly, painful vaginal sex comes from either a lack of lube, or from the person feeling tense or anxious (there are other possible reasons as well, and you can read about them here: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse).
What that means is that if you and your partner have sex as planned, and you don't address what was causing you pain the first time (lack of lube sounds like the obvious culprit) odds are it's going to hurt again. Too, if you're still sore from the last time, that increases the chances of it being painful this time. It sounds like a cut or tear occurred the last time, which led to the bleeding. While the vaginal corona (AKA, the hymen) doesn't "break" in the way many people believe, it -- or other tissue of your vagina -- can still get small tears during sex is someone is tense, there's not enough lube, the intercourse is very rough. You can read more about that here: My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It.
Are you planning on having sex those days because you want to, or because you're trying to "get used to" vaginal sex?
If you and your partner do have vaginal sex again, you two need to talk about how to prevent it from being painful before that happens. For instance, if you don't have lube, the next step would be to figure out how to get some (if you're not sure how to do that, that's something we can help you with). Does that feel like a conversation you two can have?
So, first time vaginal sex is not supposed to be painful. It still ends up being that way for many people, but it's not the "natural" outcome of having vaginal sex for the first time.
Most commonly, painful vaginal sex comes from either a lack of lube, or from the person feeling tense or anxious (there are other possible reasons as well, and you can read about them here: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse).
What that means is that if you and your partner have sex as planned, and you don't address what was causing you pain the first time (lack of lube sounds like the obvious culprit) odds are it's going to hurt again. Too, if you're still sore from the last time, that increases the chances of it being painful this time. It sounds like a cut or tear occurred the last time, which led to the bleeding. While the vaginal corona (AKA, the hymen) doesn't "break" in the way many people believe, it -- or other tissue of your vagina -- can still get small tears during sex is someone is tense, there's not enough lube, the intercourse is very rough. You can read more about that here: My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It.
Are you planning on having sex those days because you want to, or because you're trying to "get used to" vaginal sex?
If you and your partner do have vaginal sex again, you two need to talk about how to prevent it from being painful before that happens. For instance, if you don't have lube, the next step would be to figure out how to get some (if you're not sure how to do that, that's something we can help you with). Does that feel like a conversation you two can have?
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lilacwjne
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Re: What will happen?
omg thank you so much
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I want to have sex but I don’t want it to hurt. So what I need to do is get some lube? Do you have any other tips? This is so helpful thank you!
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I want to have sex but I don’t want it to hurt. So what I need to do is get some lube? Do you have any other tips? This is so helpful thank you!
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Sam W
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 9849
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
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- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
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- Location: Desert
Re: What will happen?
You're quite welcome! The "From Ow to Wow" article offers a lot of advice on how to avoid painful sex. Lube is definitely something you're going to want, and you're going to want to make sure you're taking your time and making sure your body is relaxed and aroused. It also helps to prepared to, and comfortable with, saying "that hurts, we need to stop and do something else" to your partner.