The Spoken of "First Time" Comes Closer!

Questions and discussion about your sexual lives, choices, activities, ideas and experiences.
ArachnidJay
newbie
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2018 1:11 pm
Age: 21
Awesomeness Quotient: I got into an exclusive Art HS!
Primary language: English
Pronouns: they/he
Sexual identity: Queer/Bi
Location: USA

The Spoken of "First Time" Comes Closer!

Unread post by ArachnidJay »

Hi again Scarleteen! It's me, Arachnid, again!
I posted here before about my first time approaching and my being nervous about it and got some really great advice, thank you! but i'm here again, my friend who I've discussed having sex with asked if we could work up to it with smaller things first (logical!) and now wants to hang out (this Monday!) and see where it takes us. (he says he figures we'll just make out, maybe go 'a bit further') (Note, the vagueness is just that we are both awkward. Anything that 'a bit further' entails, is a-ok with me.) I'm excited and more than a little eager! I was worried before that he was no longer interested after we stopped talking about it for a while, but now i know he was just feeling shy. I guess what i'm looking for now is the wisdom of the elders, i haven't made out with anyone before, the closest thing is accidentally kissing my middle school girlfriend on the lips (aiming for the cheek). Is there an etiquette to it? things i should avoid? also, i am pretty incredibly short and he's pretty tall (as in, i'm 4'9 and fully grown while he is 6'5 and growing) is there any way to make this difference a bit less of a mountain? i worry that it might hurt one of us if we always have to be stretching and bending to reach the other! thanks!
Siân
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 785
Joined: Tue Jul 04, 2017 6:10 am
Age: 34
Awesomeness Quotient: I ask ALLLLL the questions
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: Figuring it out
Location: UK

Re: The Spoken of "First Time" Comes Closer!

Unread post by Siân »

Hey Arachnid!

This sounds happy and exciting :D It's great that you two have started communicating things about what you might be interested in doing together, and building up to sex via other things is a great way to learn what you both like, get comfortable with one another and practice those yeses and nos in the moment. Plus making out can be awesome all by itself!

In terms of etiquette, really it's about paying attention to what you're feeling and how your partner is responding. I can't predict how this person will like to kiss - you get to find that out for yourself! - so pay attention to their cues. If you lean in to kiss them, do they lean in the last bit to close the gap? If you want to use tongue, do they respond in kind if you touch yours gently to their lip? If they don't respond to something, don't push it; maybe pull back and check in, or tune into what they are doing. Even better use your words - "can I kiss you?", "like this?", "how do you feel about tongue?" can all be fun questions to ask - and to answer. Don't worry about getting everything perfect; we all do clumsy, messy, silly things sometimes, as long as you both feel good about it you're doing it right.

In terms of the height difference, I don't think it's anything to worry about. Probably you'll find it most pronounced when you're both standing, but this is where furniture is useful - if you're sitting/lying down then you probably won't notice it so much. Plus, maybe they'll be at a good height for you sat on a low chair, or you'll be a good height for them sat on a higher one if you want to kiss without straining yourselves.
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