Can't shake the anxiety!
Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2018 7:54 pm
This is the second time this has happened, and the guilt isn't helping the panic go away.
To start this off, i'm going to share I have been diagnosed with multiple anxiety disorders, so panic isn't unknown to me. They've been apart of my life for almost 13 years now so i've learned them pretty well! I thought I knew them all, until now.
Anytime I start to engage in... Sexy talk? with my partner (LDR), i'm hit with a major confliction: As much as I enjoy it, I start to have a panic attack. The first time we got like this I was perfectly fine, no anxiety, no panic, just fun. But the last two times I've had to cut it short because I get really overwhelmed and pushed past my threshold. The first time it happened I was told if I needed to stop I just had to ask, but today when I finally had to put the brakes on it I got hit with a wall of guilt and even more anxiety that I upset them (even though the response I was given, while showing a bit of a disheartened tone, was not exactly positive or negative). I know I shouldn't feel guilty, if I want to say no I can, but it won't go away.
I feel like i'm broken, especially because I always talk such big game and can happily be frisky on my own, but now the second the feeling is mutual I can't continue. I'm an 18 year old who was raised in a pretty sex and sexuality positive household (just the other day my father and I were discussing my gender identity!), I shouldn't get like this when presented with something i've openly desired before!
To start this off, i'm going to share I have been diagnosed with multiple anxiety disorders, so panic isn't unknown to me. They've been apart of my life for almost 13 years now so i've learned them pretty well! I thought I knew them all, until now.
Anytime I start to engage in... Sexy talk? with my partner (LDR), i'm hit with a major confliction: As much as I enjoy it, I start to have a panic attack. The first time we got like this I was perfectly fine, no anxiety, no panic, just fun. But the last two times I've had to cut it short because I get really overwhelmed and pushed past my threshold. The first time it happened I was told if I needed to stop I just had to ask, but today when I finally had to put the brakes on it I got hit with a wall of guilt and even more anxiety that I upset them (even though the response I was given, while showing a bit of a disheartened tone, was not exactly positive or negative). I know I shouldn't feel guilty, if I want to say no I can, but it won't go away.
I feel like i'm broken, especially because I always talk such big game and can happily be frisky on my own, but now the second the feeling is mutual I can't continue. I'm an 18 year old who was raised in a pretty sex and sexuality positive household (just the other day my father and I were discussing my gender identity!), I shouldn't get like this when presented with something i've openly desired before!