Scarleteen

If I pretend to have sex like a man (I stuff my pants when I’m alone and imagine that’s my penis) and fantasize about being a man during those moments, does that make me transgender?
What about if I want to urinate like a man and use the men’s bathroom, like all the other men in the world? Does that make me transgender too.
I fit in well with society because I feel like I don’t have an alternative. However, I’ve always (for over 37 year) imagined being the opposite sex and sometimes I find myself staring at mente junk area wishing that was my penis and testes and why it doesn’t just grow over night or something.
Like if the doctor performed a botched surgery and accidentally changed my sex I would be happy. Or if there was a button or a pill that would instantly change me to a male, I would do it.
However, I don’t want to leave loved ones behind because of how I feel in the inside but I so wish I had a mans name, and accepted in society as a man.
Does that make me transgender?




CAN cisgender women think these thoughts regularly- is it even possible? And just accept being a “male” in their soul and mind, but go through life identifying as a woman. In other words, live a double life and be happy with it? (See my Post- Am I transgender)

Hi Nikki,

Your gender is something where you get to have the final (and indeed the only) say in what it is. So if calling yourself trans (and in particular a trans man) is what feels right to you, then that's the term you get to use. That being said, the feelings and thoughts you're describing certainly fit with the experiences of some other trans folks, and that may help you put them into perspective. If you haven't already done so, you might try reading this article as it offers some thoughts on a lot of the things you seem to be wondering: Trans Summer School: Am I Trans Enough?

Your question about what cis women (or closeted trans men) experience is difficult to answer, because no one person can speak for the experiences of an entire group. It's true that throughout history, and in the present day, there are trans men who end up living their lives presenting as cis women for a variety of reasons (safety, for example). From what we know, having to hide such a significant part of your identity can have negative effects on your wellbeing. So that's something to consider as you weigh the pros and cons of transitioning or coming out as trans. Does that make sense?