My mother may think I'm only wanting to transition for people to use my body.

Questions and discussions about gender, gender roles and identity.
KittyPink
not a newbie
Posts: 378
Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
Age: 23
Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
Location: Parma,Ohio

My mother may think I'm only wanting to transition for people to use my body.

Unread post by KittyPink »

So, my mother still doesn't understand why I am trans. Besides that she's still trying to and only digging a bigger hole now. However, my mother asked and from the sounds of it, believes that I am trans for special attention and to be basically fetishized. (Which while I have fantasies where I usually have the correct plumbing downstairs, doesn't appeal to me like that.) Her thinking that also makes feel a little sick just thinking about it because of an ex... We don't talk about that guy. :?
Also, I have had instances where I've wanted to be sexual with people despite dysphoria. So, I'm not quite sure where she gets it from, and frankly the idea isn't pleasant. Any thoughts?
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship

***Transfeminine***

LIVE AND LEARN
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9533
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 53
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: My mother may think I'm only wanting to transition for people to use my body.

Unread post by Heather »

Oh bleck. :( I'm so sorry.

I'm a bit out of the loop when it comes to where things stand overall now with you and your mother and and your transness and any transition. Can you get me up to speed in a nutshell so I can do my best to give you advice around this?

Can you be sure to let me know what, if any, limits and boundaries you have set (or tried to) with her around any of this?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
KittyPink
not a newbie
Posts: 378
Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
Age: 23
Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
Location: Parma,Ohio

Re: My mother may think I'm only wanting to transition for people to use my body.

Unread post by KittyPink »

She still says my body-related dysphoria is just insecurities about my body which I refuse to acknowledge. She now thinks trans people are mentally ill. And also, she still says I haven't given her a good reason why I'm a girl. The only boundary I've put up is not to go on if I say to stop.
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship

***Transfeminine***

LIVE AND LEARN
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9533
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 53
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: My mother may think I'm only wanting to transition for people to use my body.

Unread post by Heather »

Again, I am so sorry to hear this, and so sorry you have to live so unsupported in this by your mother right now. :(

What do you think about trying to set a boundary where the two of you don't talk about anything trans, period? It doesn't seem like *anything* that has ever come from her about anything trans, or your own experiences, identity and needs, has benefitted you. So, while we can get to talk about if she will even abide it, I am wondering how you feel about at least setting that hard line.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
KittyPink
not a newbie
Posts: 378
Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
Age: 23
Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
Location: Parma,Ohio

Re: My mother may think I'm only wanting to transition for people to use my body.

Unread post by KittyPink »

I actually don't feel bad for setting that line.
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship

***Transfeminine***

LIVE AND LEARN
Karyn
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 1407
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 3:00 pm
Age: 39
Awesomeness Quotient: I collect condoms.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Canada

Re: My mother may think I'm only wanting to transition for people to use my body.

Unread post by Karyn »

How do you think she would respond if you said you just weren't going to talk about anything trans with her, at all?
"Where there is power, there is resistance." -Michel Foucault
KittyPink
not a newbie
Posts: 378
Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
Age: 23
Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
Location: Parma,Ohio

Re: My mother may think I'm only wanting to transition for people to use my body.

Unread post by KittyPink »

Probably pissed, she might still try to talk about it, still.
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship

***Transfeminine***

LIVE AND LEARN
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 9784
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 32
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Desert

Re: My mother may think I'm only wanting to transition for people to use my body.

Unread post by Sam W »

Would it be worth a try to simply not engage if she did, or leave the interaction when possible?
KittyPink
not a newbie
Posts: 378
Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
Age: 23
Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
Location: Parma,Ohio

Re: My mother may think I'm only wanting to transition for people to use my body.

Unread post by KittyPink »

I've done both before, and sometimes it's worked by situation.
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship

***Transfeminine***

LIVE AND LEARN
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 9784
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 32
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Desert

Re: My mother may think I'm only wanting to transition for people to use my body.

Unread post by Sam W »

Then it sounds like your best bet may be to keep doing those things when she gets going about your gender. It may not work every time, but if it cuts down on how much nonsense you have to hear from her then it seems like it's worth continuing.
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic