My apologies, truly, for overstepping the appropriate boundaries. I feel very strongly about this matter, and in fact it was your post, Heather, that made me want to write this.
You wrote: "We also hope it's something more young people, especially young men, will just inform themselves about and really take in: we know so many young men who understand, accept and support healthy ways to respond to a no or rejection just fine. We know that more can."
Saying you know many that do means, to me, that you also know many that don't. I feel this is wrong. I think MOST boys DO understand, accept, and support healthy ways to hear "no." We don't hear about those boys because there is nothing special about what they do. They simply behave correctly.
The reason I feel strongly enough to come to your board and say these things is because I absorbed MANY destructive messages about what being a man was like when I myself was a boy. I learned that girls were good and that men were bad. I learned that male sexuality was always predatory. I learned that men were always potential rapists. I learned that men were always abusers, and women were always victims.
But even though I felt that I wasn't a predator or a rapist, I *thought* that I was anyway, and had to be, since that was what people expected of me as a man. This set me up for many poor relationship decisions that culminated in domestic violence and sexual abuse being committed against me. I didn't think it was possible for a woman to abuse a man, because I had learned that only men could be abusers.
Many years later, I am now committed to healing myself. In my current, and - I admit - possibly fragile state, it seems that I came in here and started ordering you around. This wasn't my intention, and I apologize. I feel strongly that Scarleteen does amazing work, and I hate the thought that it could even potentially be a force of oppression against boys simply for being boys. If I missed the point of your above paragraph - although it does seem to me to be condemnatory against boys and young men - I further apologize.
Thank you for your work, Heather, and thank you everyone else here as well. Hopefully your work will mean there will be fewer men like me in the future who have to work hard at healing their sexual trauma.