It all makes sense to me.
I'm going to get a little personal with you in the hope it might help to hear from someone a bit similar, and hopefully that won't feel like TMI or a boundary issue. If it does, by all means, feel free to tell me to bring my responses back to a more objective place.
You know, growing up when I did (I'm 45), the options we had with gender -- and I grew up very urban and around a lot of arts community, so even my options were likely way less limited than many others my same age in other places at the time) -- were pretty much that you were a man, you were a woman, or you were androgynous, which, in cultural translation mostly meant that you were still one of the two binaries, you just liked to "play" at the other sometimes.
And growing up, gender pretty much ALWAYS felt artificial to me, like makeup: something people put on but when they washed their face, wasn't there. (That's certainly not most people's experience of gender, but it sure was, and often still is, mine.) Because I was assigned female sex and socialized as a girl or a woman, that's what I figured I was. Because the way my body developed and is -- much like yours, it sounds, basically, I'm hourglass as hell -- again, I figured I had to pick girl of my mostly-only-two options. Where I went from there was to figure that even though a lot of people didn't seem to like it very much, I could figure out what kind of woman or girl I wanted to be, and it didn't have to be the kind that was the most common ideal, or the most prevalent role. So, I looked to women like Annie Lennox, Patti Smith, Siouxsie Sioux, Grace Jones, Annie Leibovitz and others to kind of give me a sense of communion, and courage, when it came to figuring out MY kind of girl that I had to be because, again, you had to pick one.
And I also grew up very clearly bisexual. Didn't have the language for it until my mid-teens, years after I'd already been involved with people of more than one gender, but I'm one of those people who was pretty clearly queer from the get-go.
You can perhaps imagine that with the expanding options and frameworks around and becoming more (though much too freaking slowly) accepted now that there's many a time I get a bit sad and wistful that I didn't have them to work with and use. I'll be real with you and say that while what I feel to be is agender or genderqueer (depends on the day or which of those frames makes more sense to people), and looking back, I almost always have when I can filter out all the static that's about anything but myself and my own feelings, even given what I do and the field I work in, I still often feel like this all came about too late, and when I ask, for instance, for people to use a they pronoun with me, or gently correct people who put a whole lotta femme on me that isn't mine, I don't feel confident in it. I feel, sometimes, like I'm too old to make changes even with something as small as language. I feel like I sometimes just have to go with people's assumptions because to correct them would just be a distraction or more effort than I want to have to make. (I'm also introverted, so putting any kind of big focus on me is never my favorite, with anything).
But of course, most of that is ridiculous. I'm not too late or too old to be whoever it is I am, in any respect, and to explore that however I'd like. So, you aren't, either. It's also not like anyone can't start to explore new frameworks or ways of seeing things just because other ways feel like things we got cemented in or have to stick with: an open, flexible mind and the desire to explore and grow is always a good thing. ALWAYS. And if other people don't see these parts of me clearly, then just like anything else they may not see about me, be that my ethnicity, my boundaries, my being a survivor, or this, I have options: if I want them to, then I can bring that to the table and ask for what I need to feel seen that is within someone's ability. Or not, either because I have bigger fish to fry or something else I want more, or because I just am not in the mood that day.
So, here's my long story short that I have to say to you: YOU need to see you. And really, when we feel seen and acknowledged by ourselves we are actually more than halfway through the battle. Because all the other people in the world "seeing" us won't actually make it so we can see ourselves. I mean, external validation and recognition can do things, but not things we can't do for ourselves. And who you are can't be inadequate, because all you can be is who you are, not any more or any less, really. I assure you, though, I'm not sure what you're looking for in a visual representation of others (or why this is about pictures, since most people aren't posting pictures of themselves when they're not all pulled together in the first place), but there are loads of genderqueer DFAB people, queer people as well, who look or present like you do and aren't partnered with people like them. Maybe you haven't met them yet, but I swear, we exist. But again, if you're not seeing you, really seeing and acknowledging you, you're not going to be able to see the rest of us as easily, either.
You're your anchor, in a nutshell. What do you think you'd need to really claim that and get to that?
I do want to add that I'm not sure what you mean about what the point is of being bisexual if no one sees you. I'm not sure there's really a "point" to any sexual orientation because having a sense of our own patterns of attraction, and a sense of what we want in sexual relationships with others, are really tools for us to use for ourselves, IMO, not about how others see us or having others know what our orientation is somehow (even "seeing" orientation is pretty broken, since it's not something anyone can see, only something we can communicate to others directly, with words, when we want to). So, not sure where you were going with that: feel free to fill me in more if you'd like.
(I was rambly here, and sorry about that. In a big book editing day today, but I just didn't want to leave this sitting, especially because I really do feel you and know how ugh it can be, and figured a ramble was better than no ramble at all.
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