Because I feel shame about why I need to get tested. Because, because of my ‘sexual history’ I feel ashamed about how I may have gotten the STI.Sam W wrote:Hi Tommy, Tommy,
You're certainly not the first person to feel that way about getting tested, so let's see what we can do to help you manage that feeling so you can look after your sexual health. Can you give me a sense of what, specifically, about getting tested is embarrassing to you?
I am concerned that because I am so young, (14) they will judge me! I don’t know if they have ever dealt with teenagers before, and don’t want to be judged.Sam W wrote:I'm glad to hear you've found a clinic that is making the process seem less intimidating!
There are a few things to keep in mind that might help the conversations feel less awkward or imposing. One is that sexual healthcare providers are trained to talk with clients about their sexual history without judgement. When they ask questions about your sexual history, they're not doing it to decide whether you should be ashamed of what you've done; they're doing it because it helps them figure out what type of healthcare they need to offer you. Does that make sense?
Too, they're unlikely to grill you about your sexual history. They just need to know enough to figure out why you're there and what to test for. This article offers a nice overview of what to expect from that conversation: Testing, Testing...
Is there anyone I could bring to make the process seem less intimidating, I will not be involving my parents, but is there anyone else I could bring? Can we brainstorm that?Jacob wrote:Hey Tommy,
I wonder if you could text them or call them before you go to say "I'm 14 and I'm scared I'll be judged if I come for testing"
My guess is they'll be really reassuring... a big proportion of STI diagnoses happen among people in their teens and an STI clinic will almost certainly be focused on trying to help that problem. From their perspective, and any public health minded organisation, the more people of every age who get tested the better.
I have a friend who is my age, But I have talked to him, but I have tried talking to him, and he just yelled at me about I am committing a sin, and how if I have a STI, I should live with it and not get tested. I dropped the subject after that, because I have been struggling with my faith and my sexuality for years, (I have written about that A LOT on this site about that) and the last thing I need is more yelling at. I have been trying to move on from past sexual experiences in the past, and make my faith work.Jacob wrote:It does suck that your parents would be unsupportive. Can I ask why you think you'd feel guilty about not telling them?
We don't always tell our family everything about our healthcare and sexuality. It can be nice if they are respectfully supportive, but that isn't always possible or comfortable.
My first guess as a good person to take with you could be a friend... do you have any friends you could ask?
I am concerned that my second friend will judge me?Jacob wrote:Yep that friend sounds like a bad choice!
Your second friend sounds like another good person to ask though!
The clinic might also offer a service of meeting you outside and walking you in. I also don't know if there are any other youth services in your area and what services they provide.
The clinic feels like a good choice to me, they will have some insight about what's available in terms of someone meeting you beforehand.
Is there any way I can talk to my parents, any advice on how to have that talk?Jacob wrote:Yep that friend sounds like a bad choice!
Your second friend sounds like another good person to ask though!
The clinic might also offer a service of meeting you outside and walking you in. I also don't know if there are any other youth services in your area and what services they provide.
The clinic feels like a good choice to me, they will have some insight about what's available in terms of someone meeting you beforehand.
I may get tested and then tell them, so that if Get in trouble, I will already have been tested.Jacob wrote:Hmm, I think you have been quite clear here that you want to get tested because you have been sexually active but you want to be responsible and get tested as part of looking after your health. So I think expressing this to them is the best you can do.
After that, I'm not sure you can control their reactions. Emphasising that you want to tell them because you want to be responsible and you are trusting them could demonstrate your maturity. It's just difficult for me to judge from here if it will be enough.
It might be good to get it out there. If they ground you and punish you in some way, so long as you feel safe (if embarassed) it could feel good that you have been honest. If it means you can't access the testing you're seeking though, you will have to acknowledge that that is a possibility.
That said they might still support you to get testing. Even if it feels unlikely. I would hope they would at least care for your health.
Regarding your friend judging you, I'm afraid that's the same again. We can't make people be supportive if they are not going to be, but we can take the risk of trusting them and giving them the opportunity to show us they can be good friends to us... if they let us down, that is on them.
My school said that they don’t have to tell my parents unless I or someone else is in danger! My school has a sexual education teacher, and a school nurse, and a guidance counselor, which one would be the best choice to ask for advice?Jacob wrote:Hmm, I think you have been quite clear here that you want to get tested because you have been sexually active but you want to be responsible and get tested as part of looking after your health. So I think expressing this to them is the best you can do.
After that, I'm not sure you can control their reactions. Emphasising that you want to tell them because you want to be responsible and you are trusting them could demonstrate your maturity. It's just difficult for me to judge from here if it will be enough.
It might be good to get it out there. If they ground you and punish you in some way, so long as you feel safe (if embarassed) it could feel good that you have been honest. If it means you can't access the testing you're seeking though, you will have to acknowledge that that is a possibility.
That said they might still support you to get testing. Even if it feels unlikely. I would hope they would at least care for your health.
Regarding your friend judging you, I'm afraid that's the same again. We can't make people be supportive if they are not going to be, but we can take the risk of trusting them and giving them the opportunity to show us they can be good friends to us... if they let us down, that is on them.
Does your school have any confidential help they can provide, like a school counsellor? You could ask them what their policies are.
I am curious, are STI’s common for teenage boys?Sam W wrote:If that feels like the best order of operations, and the one that ensures you still get the healthcare you need, then I say that's the process you should go for.
Are there other parts of this situation you'd like help or advice on right now?