Misconception Mayhem: Separating Sexual Myths from Facts

by Stephanie

Ever feel like there’s a mass market for wrong information about sex? Do you leave a conversation with a friend or finish reading an article or website and wonder if what you’ve learned is the truth or one of those nasty myths? Just about any subject you’d hear about has them … but sex, many people would say, has more than its fair share of myths. Now Scarleteen’s taking the time to debunk some of the most common misconceptions.

We believe that all sex should be something anyone chooses for themselves, based on sound, realistic information. In order to do this, it is vitally important to be able to distinguish between the facts and the myths about what is safe. All of us, at one point or another, has firmly believed that something is true or real, only to find out later that it just isn't anywhere close to the truth. Here we present some of the most common myths about sexuality, and the truths lying behind them.

MYTH: All orgasms are "explosive, mind-blowing, and earth-shattering."

FACT: It’s actually very difficult to describe an orgasm and how it feels.

Orgasms are not exactly the same from one person to another, but can also vary from orgasm to orgasm in one particular person. The sensation can be described as a tickle or hiccup, but also like a heavy head rush or a wave of dizziness throughout the entire body. What is known is that it’s a release of pressure that your body builds up, mostly in your nervous system, but something you can feel the effects of in your genitals and other parts of your body. So, not only aren’t they always explosive feelings in all people, but not every orgasm will feel this way in the same person from day to day.

Check the research: The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality by Shere Hite, About.Com: How Can I Tell if I've Had an Orgasm?, Scarleteen: Sexual Response and Orgasm: A User's Guide.

MYTH: All women can experience orgasm just through vaginal sex.

FACT:This myth is common, and completely contrary to most women's experiences. The most recent and conclusive studies done to date say that most women do not orgasm from vagina-only stimulation. Whether we're talking about fingering--inserting the fingers in the vagina--or vaginal intercourse--penetration with a penis or toy, at least 70% of all women do not reach orgasm those ways alone. The vagina, all by itself,doesn't have all that many nerve endings, or pleasure receptors. The sensory nerve endings it does have are concentrated mainly within the first couple inches of the vagina and tend to be more responsive to targeted stimulation, where vaginal intercourse tends to provide a more generalized stimulus.

Check the research:
SOCG: Orgasm Myths

MYTH: First intercourse is always a very painful experience and causes a lot of bleeding.

FACT: The pain that any one person feels -- if they feel pain at all -- with first intercourse tends to vary from person to person. Some women feel a very slight pain that goes away rather quickly, and others may feel a good deal of pain. An important fact to note is that everyone has their own pain threshold, and there’s nothing wrong with not feeling pain and it certainly doesn’t mean that you weren’t a virgin.

If you’re ready for sex, aroused and relaxed, and taking time to become comfortable each step of the way then any pain may be greatly reduced or absent. If there’s a great deal of pain and you notice problems like not being able to use a tampon or insert a finger into your vagina then you may have a medical concern, either what's called an imperforate hymen or a pain condition such as vaginismus. A gynecologist can help with these concerns. It's also important to remember that tention in the vagina, which can slow or impede penetration, often comes from anxiety.
Know too that if you’re aroused and relaxed and your partner’s taking things slow you may have some bleeding but it should be minimal. You may find that it’s enough to need to wear a menstrual pad for a few hours afterward.

Check the research: Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 14, No. 5, Go Ask Alice: Painful Intercourse, Scarleteen: From OW to WOW!.

MYTH: If you’re really aroused, you shouldn’t need to use any additional lubricant.

FACT: Not all women’s bodies are exactly the same, and so while one woman’s body may self lubricate enough another woman’s body may not.

It’s not uncommon for a woman to be lubricated at the beginning of sex but to not be lubricated enough for comfort after some time. Some medications, for instance hormonal birth control methods like the pill, and health conditions also inhibit self-lubrication. For many women, the use of a good water based lubricant is essential with the use of condoms. Self lubricating without condoms is one matter, but the natural lubrication that a woman’s body forms isn’t made to work with condoms. Friction and dryness are the two leading causes of condom breakage – and lubricant is the way to ensure that these two matters don’t become a problem.

Check the research:

American Social Health Association: Your Safer Sex Toolbox

MYTH: Masturbation causes blindness, unsightly hair growth, etc.

FACT: Most surveys and studies taken state that 95% of all adults – which means 95 of every 100 people, have masturbated or continue to masturbate. So if we look at a group of 100 people, 95 of them would prove to have unsightly hair growth and be blind (not to mention the hunchback stance and shrunken sexual organs that is also said to be a result). Actually, the American Medical Association has long declared masturbation a normal and healthy sexual activity. As long as it’s something you want to be doing, masturbation is actually healthy not only sexually, but physically and emotionally as well.

Check the research:

MYTH: Men are the only ones that ejaculate.

FACT: Some people who have vulvas actually ejaculate sometimes as well. When arousal or orgasm occur the vagina produces more lubrication and vaginal liquid. This is not ejaculate, and is a different consistency, but is quite normal and helps to prevent vaginal tearing. Some women also find that certain sexual stimulus for them may result in a thin watery whitish fluid. This fluid is expelled from the urethra (the same place that ejaculation is expelled from men). Not all women will experience this, and not all that have will experience it every time. many women like how it feels when it happens, but some don't, and most that do ejaculate find that it happens most commonly with direct stimulation of the G-spot. A woman ejaculating also doesn't mean that she has had an orgasm yet.

Check the research:

MYTH: Sex is a failure if there’s no orgasm

FACT: Contrary to popular belief, sex is not about orgasm but rather about pleasure. It’s not abnormal for one or both partners to not orgasm from any type of sex for any given reason, even if they enjoy that sex. This doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with them or with you. If you’re mind and body are involved, and sex is something that you want to be doing at that point then it’s much more important that it feels good, physically and emotionally, than that it ends in orgasm. Communication can certainly help along the way in helping partners to understand what feels good. It’s certainly not unhealthy though and will not cause you any damage to have sex and not orgasm.

Check the research:

MYTH: Sex means instant adulthood.

FACT: Maturity and adulthood can mean many things including being on your own and the need to support yourself financially while doing so. Many places have age laws for drinking, smoking, voting, driving, living on your own and even joining the military. Having sex doesn’t make you any older or any more mature. It’s much more adult to realize that being ready for sex and everyone involved wanting it is more important than forcing it when you’re not ready to make yourself seem older. This also means being able to understand that sex comes with consequences and knowing what to do to protect yourself and your partner from any unwanted consequences.

Check the research:

MYTH: Using two condoms is safer than using one because if one breaks you’ll still be protected.

FACT: Actually, using two condoms rather than one increases friction between them during sex and can cause both of the condoms to tear or break.

Condoms by themselves are 98% effective with perfect use and 85% effective with typical use. If you want to take some extra precautions or don't feel that condoms are effective enough by themselves then it’s best to look for another good method of birth control and use condoms as your back-up method.

Check the research:

MYTH: Washing your genitals with Coke after sex can kill sperm and thus prevent pregnancy.

FACT: The belief used to be that warm coke and especially diet coke was an excellent spermicide. Directly following sex, the urban legend is a woman would excuse herself and take with her a bottle of the warm coke product and shake it well covering the opening with her thumb or finger. Once shaken the tip and neck of the bottle would be inserted into the vagina and the pent-up carbonation energy from shaking would force the liquid upward and out of the bottle into the vagina. It was thought that the carbonation and sugar would kill sperm but this proved not to be a good method of pregnancy prevention but more commonly the cause of a really bad infection. Some people later thought that to save infection from happening washing with coke was a better idea. Either way definitely not something that should be put near your genitals!

Check the research:

MYTH: When a girl’s hymen is broken you know that she’s had sex before.

FACT: It’s true that most women are born with a hymen, what we now call the corona, which is a very thin membrane which covers, wholly or partially, the vaginal opening. It absolutely isn't true that the hymen only changes because of vaginal intercourse.

By the time a woman chooses to become sexually active, the hymen may be almost fully intact, somewhat intact, or tough to find at all. Women menstruate and have vaginal fluids, which are both a normal healthy part of life and sexual development. Menstrual blood and vaginal fluids both need to have some way to exit the body, and thus small holes -- micro-openings -- are formed in the corona. Those openings widen over time, and other things like hormones, exercise and general daily movement, masturbation, tampon use and -- yep -- vaginal sex, also change the appearance and flexibility of the hymen, effectively wearing it away so that the remainder of the membraneusually just surrounds the vaginal opening and is barely noticeable.

Some people have what is called a "resilient" hymen: a hymen that has a tough time wearing away or, more rarely, not even having those openings needed for menses and vaginal fluids to be released. Women with a resilient hymen who try and have vaginal sex will often find that it's painful, or that vaginal sex just "won't work." Those women may need to have a simple outpatient surgical procedure, called a hymenectomy -- to remove that hymenal tissue.

Either way, we've long known that the state of a woman's corona can rarely tell us much -- and usually tells us absolutely nothing -- about her sexual history.

Check the research:

Virgin: The Untouched History By Hanne Blank
Scarleteen: And More With The Popping of Cherries
Scarleteen: My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known As the Hymen And the Myths that Surround It

User login

Scarleteen 101

googled

Recommendations

Recently Read

Last viewed:

you say...

tagadelic

Misconception Mayhem: Separating Sexual Myths from Facts

by Stephanie

MYTH: All orgasms are "explosive, mind-blowing, and earth-shattering."

MYTH: All women can experience orgasm just through vaginal sex.

MYTH: First intercourse is always a very painful experience and causes a lot of bleeding.

MYTH: If you’re really aroused, you shouldn’t need to use any additional lubricant.

MYTH: Masturbation causes blindness, unsightly hair growth, etc.

MYTH: Men are the only ones that ejaculate.

MYTH: Sex is a failure if there’s no orgasm

MYTH: Sex means instant adulthood.

MYTH: Using two condoms is safer than using one because if one breaks you’ll still be protected.

MYTH: Washing your genitals with Coke after sex can kill sperm and thus prevent pregnancy.

MYTH: When a girl’s hymen is broken you know that she’s had sex before.

Take a Look At the Scarleteen Misconception Series:

More like This