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Sexuality Advice

I have a strong hormonal cycle and it's affecting my relationship.

jessie09642 asks:

Thanks so much for such a useful and honest site, it's a big help figuring this stuff out. I am 19 and in my first serious relationship. I seem to have a strong hormonal cycle, my body changes a lot from week to week. I have tried my best to explain this to my boyfriend, but he doesn't understand how things that feel good to me one day might not feel like anything, or hurt me, the next. For instance, he likes to squeeze and massage my breasts - sometimes I love this, but sometimes (usually before my period is due) it hurts so much I have to ask him to stop. Also, I'm usually really wet, but for a week or so after my period sometimes I don't really get wet no matter how turned on I am. He thinks I'm confused about what I like, or that if I say something hurts or I don't get wet it means he's doing something wrong or I'm not actually turned on or enjoying myself even when I am. It frustrates him that he has to ask if something feels good every time we do stuff together. Is there anything I can get him to read that might explain why this happens better than I can or in a way that he'll understand? Also, some women in my family have had problems with combined birth control pills and my doctor says I shouldn't take them, but if I took the mini pill would this stop happening so much?

My best friend really wants to have sex with me, but I'm afraid it'll ruin our friendship.

scarletbabe asks:

I'm a female and my best friend is a male. We're both virgins, he's 17 and I'm 16. He keeps telling me that he wants to have sex, and he's been touching my body more and more. We've kissed and made out recently, but he wants to go all the way. He tells me things like "I want to be your first, and I want to be your first." He says that he thinks sex will "strengthen" our best friend relationship but I'm afraid it might ruin it. What should I do?

If you didn't ask for it? Then you didn't ask for it.

LulaInTheOrangeBoots asks:

I'm an 18 year old virgin. A few months back, I was out clubbing with a friend, and she wanted me to make-out with a guy, because she does it all the time when we go clubbing. I started dancing with a guy, and we started kissing, which I DID want to do. But then he started putting his hand up my skirt, and then in my underwear. I kept pushing his hand away and telling him to stop and he kept putting it back. I managed to escape and didn't see him again, but I feel kind of violated, as he was touching me sexually. Is this my fault? I did want to kiss him, but I said not when he put his hand down my pants. Was this wrong, or was I asking for it, and is it just something that happens?

How do you avoid getting pregnant after giving a handjob or oral sex?

AprilBeatriz18 asks:

Assuming you are a woman, (and if you are not please ask one to answer this) what did you do when you were a teen to avoid getting pregnant after giving a handjob or giving oral? What steps did you take?

I wash my hands a lot before using the restroom since I know I'll be wiping myself down there and I don't want there to be any sperm on the toilet paper or I don't want to accidentally touch my vagina while I'm down there.

But the thing is that when I washed them I realized that there could be sperm still living on the soap or living in the water on the container that holds the soap (forgot what it was called) or on the towel if I didn't get them all off the last time I washed them if I washed my hands just a little while ago due to the same reason.

The only thing I might not be ready for with sex is what other people will say.

Aliciapash asks:

I truly think I'm ready for sex, I'm comfortable with myself and my partner and am not at all nervous for losing my virginity. I'm only 16 but people say that different people are ready at different times right? and I think I'm ready now, I've ticked off all of the checkpoints on your "am I ready" checklist but there is one problem. I'm worried about if people will judge me for it. My question is should I stop doing what I want out of fear of how others will see my action?

Should I tell potential partners that I am inexperienced?

StellaCadente asks:

I am 19 years old and a junior in college. I've never been kissed or had any sort of sexual experience other than masturbation. I know the time will come, someday, for me to start dating someone, and the odds are that this someone will be 19 or older and have a lot more experience than me. Neither my virginity or the other's experience is an issue for me, really, what is an issue is how I would be treated if I were to admit my lack of experience. I'm afraid I will stop being seen as desirable if they find out they are the first to ever want to kiss me (which is not necessarily true but is what one assumes). Even if they still find me desirable, I'm afraid I'll be treated like an immature person only because I haven't had that sort of experience... I want to believe that my life, so far, has been worth living, even if it didn't include smooching, and that I've grown as a person even lacking kisses. But I am afraid the person I trust with my first kiss won't think the same as I do and I'll be given a hard time for this. In short, should I talk about my lack of experience with future sexual partners?

How can I masturbate without my parents knowing?

saraflyy97 asks:

This may sound silly but I'm a 15 year old girl I want to masturbate without my parents knowing. The only opportunity I get is at night in my room, but I'm afraid because I don't want my parents to hear me or anything. Hopefully I won't make noise. Also, I'm worried that if I ejaculate (I think females can) it will stain my sheets or something, and I can't have my parents see that. Will ejaculation fluid stain permanently? What can I do to be able to masturbate, but keep my parents from finding out? I feel that masturbation should be private and not a family matter, so I just need to know how to keep it to myself. Thanks!

I trust him and I want him, but things are moving WAY too fast!

Emme6678 asks:

I'm only 14 and a freshmen and I've only been dating my boyfriend for about two weeks and we have been moving pretty quickly. We have been friends for a really long time and I really like and trust him but I feel like we are moving too quickly. He has already fingered me and I've given him a handjob, and he's been talking about sex. I think I am way too young and I definitely dont feel ready but when we're doing things and I'm really turned on I sometimes actually want to have sex. I am really curious what actual sex is like, and I want to try it. But I know in the long run I will regret it. How do I stop myself from doing something solely based off of my hormones? How do I explain to my boyfriend that I dont want to have sex?

I want to change up my sexual routine with my partner. Where do I start?

Chantelle asks:

My boyfriend are "sexually active" but it's always short, boring, and quiet. If I make a sound he'll think that he's hurting me which makes me have to contain everything. I want to try more positions with him, we've done normal, and doggy, how can I make things more interesting with out making it awkward? And how can I make sex longer?

Fear of pregnancy? Ready for sex?

Hannahcarissa95 asks:

I am almost 18. My long distance boyfriend is 22. I have decided he is the man I want to lose my virginity to. Seeing as he is 1500 miles away means that he is not going to be doing it anytime soon. However, I am going to where he lives for Thanksgiving and we are planning on doing it then. He is a very spiritual guy and has a strong feeling that I might get pregnant on the first time that we have sex. He thinks this due to the fact that I really want a baby and I always have. But I want one when I am married and able to support it and a family. I told him that the best that we can do is be safe and smart about sex and protection and if it happens it happens but I need some advice on what else to tell him. Could you help me? I also was wondering if you have any suggestions about what would be the best plan of action if I were to get pregnant? In my mind abortion is not an option for me. I asked him what we would do and he said that he would obviously support me with multiple jobs. we would get our own place. But we all know that things never go exactly how you plan them. What do I do to ease his worries and my own?

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