I been having unprotected sex with my girl for about 3 years and we never had a problem but I always finish outside. Is there a reason why she hasn't gotten pregnant? Is it that I'm infertile or that she is? I don't think I am because about a year ago I had sex with a girl unprotected and she got pregnant (this was during a break with my girlfriend, we got back together a month later). And until now we still do I was wondering do you think that she will get pregnant if I finish inside her?

Hello, Danny.

First things first; you have a responsibility to the women you're dating as a person in a sexual partnership, and that's to talk about preventing pregnancy and infection. One simples method which requires little discussion on anyone's part -- heck, casual sex partners have naught to do but toss one over to make a very clear, non-verbal "I don't want a pregnancy or an infection. Suit up." -- is the condom. That slip of latex can eliminate all your worries about pregnancy and illness in one easy-peasy-use-and toss-pass. I feel that it is your responsibility as a male sex partner to use a condom if you don't want to deal with an unintended pregnancy or infection, point-blank, and there's simply no excuse for foregoing usage without an agreed-upon, effective alternative method.

Why hasn't she gotten pregnant? You've been lucky: so far, withdrawal has worked for you with your current partner. But you've already found out the hard way that pregnancy happens as quickly as one time, with or without ejaculation, and you're now choosing to accept that risk. Withdrawal, practiced perfectly, has a failure rate of 4% annually -- 4 out of 100 women will get pregnant yearly using the method. Withdrawal is very rarely practiced perfectly, especially among younger people, so a better estimate is the typical failure rate of almost 30%. Full-on ejaculation, which you're suggesting, falls under the "no method" category, which entails a whopping 80% chance of pregnancy. So in short, yes, she can get pregnant now, and may become pregnant if you continue.

However, pregnancy is not the only concern here -- you haven't been monogamous, and have had unprotected intercourse with other women. This presents a serious health risk for both yourself and your girlfriend; were she to become pregnant and decide to carry a baby to term, a reproductive tract problem from an untreated sexually transmitted infection could cause serious complications for her health and her pregnancy.

So, step 1 for you is to get in for those STI screenings. Invite your girlfriend to come with you and do it together. Then discuss contraception with the clinic; I'm certain they will be thrilled to provide you with free condoms at the very least.

Now that you know the risks of what you're doing, there will be no excuses for not owning up to the consequences for not taking more responsibility for the health of yourself and your partner. It's time to step up to the plate. You can do it!

Why not get your girlfriend and read through some of our articles together?
Condom Basics: A User's Manual
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To
A Guide to Your Contraceptive Options
Testing, Testing...