Skip to main content

Relationships Advice

Lying, and other kinks in relationship communication

Ashcann asks:

I caught my partner lying about his past. It was a few weeks ago and we "cleared it up" yet I still feel out of place. At first he told me that he was a virgin (I didn't really believed him since he was 24 and he told me his ex was "kinky") but as I continued to question him he said that there was penetration. I was pissed at that moment but I decided to ask him what is it to have sex to him and he told me he considered penetration sex. Yet he applied a few excuses and I can't find to believe him, could he be lying about more?

He likes it, I don't. What now?

turnwavesmile asks:

I don't feel anything at all when I touch myself. It just feels like nothing inside and doesn't arouse me at all. The only way I can masturbate is by rubbing the palm of my hand on my clit. When my boyfriend and I are together, he likes to finger me. But like I said before, I don't feel anything. It gets pretty awkward when he's just fingering me and it's not feeling like anything and it just drags on forever, while he has no idea. What should I do?!

I want to come out to my friends, but how do I make sure they'll accept me?

thatonequietgirl asks:

I'm bisexual, and I really would like to tell my friends. I mean, they seem pretty open-minded, being pro-gay rights and generally accepting. The thing is, they're being open-minded from afar. If they found out that one of their closest friends is bisexual, I'm not sure they'd be too keen on the idea of having a bisexual girl friend. One even has said that she wouldn't want to have sleepovers at a girl's house if she liked girls. I'm honestly not attracted to her or any other one of my friends (well, maybe one a little, but I'd never make her uncomfortable or anything) but they don't get that. I don't know how to tell them that I like girls but that doesn't mean I like all girls. I'm not sure they'd believe me. Help, please?

He said he'd wait, but he won't stop asking.

Staying_Pure asks:

I'm a 17 year old girl and have been dating this guy for a year and a half. I love him and know he loves me. For about the past six months I've been giving him handjobs. We started out slowly. (Through his pants, though his boxers, and then of course through nothing.) Well, recently he has been trying to convince me to let him fingering me. I told him "no" and he was pretty respectful of that. Each time we do something though, he asks for it. When I say no, he keeps saying 'okay, I'll wait for you" When he kept asking, I said wait till I'm in college and we'll see. Then, he said okay again. Once he asked me why I wasn't ready and I said because I was scared. When I couldn't explain why I was scared he got a little frustrated. He still keeps asking me for fingering and as I say no, he says "It's okay I'll wait for you." I just want to know though, how I can get him to stop asking, it kind of feels like he is pressuring me. I've tried to find a reason for my fears, but I can't place my finger on it other than I'm not ready. (It doesn't help that an old of crush of his- who is both of our friend- is telling him about how her boyfriend gave her first orgasm through fingering.)

Working It Out When Hooking Up Isn't Working

zebrastripes111 asks:

I'm 16. I've gone through 8 sexual partners in the last year. And 5 of them only in these past 3 months. I've only had one boyfriend in my life. I cheated on him. Twice.

I feel like I'm easy, maybe I am. I will tell myself that I won't have sex with a guy, and then I end up doing it anyways. In that moment I truly do want nothing more than to get it on. I am juggling two 'sex buddies' one of whom is a friend and the other is more of a stranger I sleep with. I suppose it wouldn't be such a bad thing except I only get sex when they want it. Frankly I'm a little fed up with this routine. I get horny too, but apparently that doesn't count. I enjoy sex, and I'm not afraid to say that. I can achieve an orgasm almost every time I have sex. But as soon as were finished I feel like shit. I don't really know why this is. I have inquired that maybe I use sex as a tool to make myself feel wanted and cared for. Or that I'm guilty to have maybe abused sex. Or simply that I am fucking... and not making love. I don't know what to do or what this is about. I don't know if you can console me, but any efforts and advice would be appreciated.

Having trouble reaching orgasm? Masturbation is your friend.

buddybuds asks:

I am 17, me and my boyfriend of two years had a spree of sexual intimacy. We did everything every day, couples times a day here and there. I read a lot about how masturbation can help to bring a woman to orgasm, I don't feel the need to, but doesn't it help that my boyfriend and I basically did every day? I have lost my extreme sex drive, I feel like no matter what it wont happen for me (orgasm). I love giving him what he wants, he tries to give me the same but it never happens? Is there any way past masturbation that can help for an orgasm and bring that sex drive back to my life?

Will He Expect Me to Have Sex With Him?

LadyShadowlight asks:

I've been dating my boyfriend for about four months. I just found out yesterday that his ex-girlfriend, who I've never met, was his first sex. It made me feel a little bit awkward, since not only did I not know that about him, but I hadn't even considered having sex yet. Even though he told me he's not looking for that and he doesn't mind if I don't want to do it, I feel pressured to "outsex" her, since I've been rather jealous of her ever since I first heard about her. I'm pretty sure he would do it if I asked him, but my parents are very overprotective and they don't want me having sex this young (16), so I don't know where or when we'd do it. Since it would be my first time, I'm also a little worried that I wouldn't do it right, or that he would break up with me because I'm not experienced. I'm really not sure what to do in this situation, since I don't want to force our relationship too fast, but I really want to show that I love him just as much as she every did.

Girlfriend putting pressure on herself to lose virginity

nimpup asks:

My fiance and I are trying to have intercourse. But she can't do it, she's still a virgin and has her hymen. It's too painful for her. The most I can get in is about three inches and she has told me that's about how deep her hymen is. She really wants to give her virginity to me and I really want to be able to please her like that. We don't know why it's so painful for her but she reacts like she's being stabbed in the stomach with a sword. She told me that it feels like I'm killing her when I try to push past that three inches. I asked my older brother about this and he said that maybe that's just how deep she is and after that three inches I'm hitting her cervix.

I feel stuck! I'm 20, living at home with no job and no car.

iamlost asks:

Hello. I’m feeling very lost lately and need some help. I am 20 and got my bachelors degree in economics in the fall. I really want to be a make-up artist though and went to night school while at college and have a qualification and a small portfolio. I am now living back home in a real small town where I can’t even find a part-time job and I have no car to travel out of town to work. My dad won’t help me out and I spent hundreds of dollars on lessons but he won’t let me behind the wheel or even let me pay for insurance on his car. So I send my portfolio out but rarely get any work and if I do it’s unpaid! I stay in bed until noon and feel like such an embarrassment to my folks. I then get up to eat and pretty much go back to bed. All I want to do is snuggle up to my pillow where I feel warm and safe (almost loved as strange as it sounds) and cry.

I am a shy girl and find it hard to make friends, when I do I can’t keep them. I can’t understand why they’d find me interesting and won’t agree to go out partying in case I’d be a bore so my college friends all drifted away and I’m not in contact with anyone I went to high school with. I am alone with my folks in the house and never have anyone my own age to socialize with. Couple that with my shyness and I’m lonely. I’ve also never had a boyfriend for the same reasons, although no boy ever hit on me either so the opportunity never arose. I would love to have sex and find myself thinking about it all the time and masturbating twice a day, I’d also just love some affection/cuddles or to have someone to talk to.

How can I stop feeling so guilty?

chechelle asks:

I am 23. I started having sex with my boyfriend of 7 months at age 17. I was raised Christian, have stayed in the church until now but am seriously questioning what I believe. Ever since I first started having sex I have never been completely ok with it, always wondering whether I was doing something wrong or whether it was even ok. I would often feel extremely guilty once I reached the point of orgasm because it was like that was the time that I realized that I had given in to my desires and have done something wrong-again. (I had/have these same guilt feelings whenever I masturbate which I remember from age 12.) After the high school boyfriend I had sex with someone else a few years later but that one doesn't affect me nearly as much. A few years after that I met my now spouse. We started having sex after a few months and I always questioned whether what we were doing was ok or not, but I still wanted sex and I still enjoyed it. We got married a year ago and now I just cant enjoy sex at all. I just don't want to. When we do have sex it does feel good but not great and I feel like I am being punished for having sex before marriage. I also had a lot of pain starting close to when we got married and I eventually learned I had trich. So I don't know if I am now terrified of that happening again too? (even though we were both treated and I am supposedly cured) I have a great partner: he isn't pressuring me to get better and really wants me to be truly wanting sex otherwise he doesn't want it either. But I know he is getting anxious. How can I let go of the guilt that I have had for half my life? How can I enjoy sex again? What is wrong with me? I've discussed the spirituality aspects with several ministers and none of them think God is punishing me or that I have done anything wrong. I am also currently in counseling and we have talked at length about this sex issue and she is stumped too. I am ready to let go of this and move on but I just can't. Where should I go from here? Or should I just realize that there is no more sex in this life for me?

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.