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I thought the "First Time" was supposed to suck!

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Every article and testimonial I read warned me; Sex the first time –or even the first couple times- would be painful and I probably wouldn't orgasm. You've seen the articles, and if you're reading this you're probably looking for information about what you're first time will be like, too.

This isn't your first time. None of those testimonials were your first time either. Your first time having sex will be your own. But, this was mine, and I wish that a few months ago someone would have had this sort of story to tell me.

I had been dating this boy (who for the purpose of anonymity we'll call James). James was a boy I had worked with for a year at a job we fairly enjoyed as fellow children-at-heart. I got a better job, and shortly after leaving I asked James to hang out. We quickly realized we were in love. Previous to this realization we felt like rather asexual beings. (He had a serious girlfriend a few months back. Other than that we were unusually un-sexual for 20 year old college kids.) An appropriate amount of time into our relationship it seemed obvious we were ready to have sex. I hadn't had sex before.

I researched sex. I researched virginity, and contraceptives, and everything under the sun, and then the sun.

I was a little paranoid. I knew sex could be good eventually but I was very disheartened in realizing that it would hurt, and it wasn't likely for me to orgasm (especially since I never really masturbated- successfully anyway. "Damn you asexuality!").

I talked to my best friend who was already sexually active. This was my turning point. I got to hear from someone who openly enjoyed sex, AND was educated about it. It was more therapeutic than educational, as all that we both know is readily available from websites such as Scarleteen and our physicians.

I had built myself up for the experience. I saw it for what it was; an experience. It was one of those tiles you get in the game of LIFE.

I wanted to have sex. I was ready to have sex. I just needed to overcome the first most likely painful act of sex whenever it happened.

James and I were at his house alone, as we had been many time before this. But, this time I was mentally prepared. When the moment came (at 5am no less) we finally got to take advantage of it. He put on the condom and I told him to "go slow," because my research said it would ease the pain. It did hurt when we first started; It felt like if someone had poked me in the stomach. It wasn't that bad, though; I could handle it.

When I said "Ow," he stopped. I told him he didn't have to stop, just continue going slow. Instead he took the time to -uh . . . make sure that I was fully aroused. By the time he started moving inside me again there was no pain: none. It felt good. We were in love and it felt right to be here like this together. Nobody mentioned it in any article and I wish someone had just told me; It feels good just to have someone you love inside you.

I did not orgasm that day. However, I had sex and I felt amazing (and a little accomplished). We went out and got doughnuts afterwards (it was about 8 am). We sat in a booth enjoying our summer Saturday morning and I felt like I knew everything in the world was gonna be really good for a while.

I hope that you get to choose your first sexual encounter. I hope your partner is thoughtful and caring and that you are both in love. I hope you have a good time.

Because, sex is good. Be careful and be smart first, but don't forget to have a good time.

written 30 Oct 2010 . updated 30 Oct 2010

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