I got HPV from my last sexual partner. I was wondering if I went to donate blood would I still be able to? My new partner doesn't know I have this and I don't want him to find out. By donating blood and getting the results back will they be able to tell I have it?

Whoah there, Gaby!

It's beyond uncool not to tell new partners about a sexually transmitted infection you have, particularly one like human papillomavirus (HPV) where condoms reduce the risks of transmission, but not as well as they do for other kinds of infections. Putting someone knowingly at risk of catching an infection -- and one that isn't yet curable -- from you without giving them a choice about if they WANT to take that risk is simply not okay. If your previous partner had HPV and knew (and it's totally possible he didn't: it's very hard to test men for in most cases) and didn't give YOU that choice, that is really low and very unfortunate, but it doesn't mean it's okay for you to do that to someone else.

HPV is a very contagious infection, and if you caught it before, you most likely still have it now, and your partner is at a high risk of contracting it from you if the two of you engage in any genital sex, such as vaginal intercourse, especially unprotected. If you aren't at all sexually active yet, and are just getting to know this guy, it's understandable and more than fine to wait to tell him until you get closer to that, but if you are getting to that point or already sexually active, you need to tell him. Choosing FOR him to take that risk -- rather than affording him the basic respect of making that choice for himself -- isn't fair, even if it's understandable that you wish you didn't have to tell him. Part of informed consent when it comes to sex is the informed part: one partner purposefully and knowingly keeping information from the other which puts their health at risk, and then having sex with that partner really isn't with a partner who can be giving full, informed consent.

So if you just can't deal with telling him, then you need to not be sexually involved with him yet. Wait for that until you feel comfortable enough with him to fill him in. If you already have been, not telling him just isn't an option in my book.

I know those are hardly easy conversations, especially with the crappy attitude a lot of people have about STIs, and with how ashamed a person can feel for having one, even though there's no more shame in having HPV than there is in having a cold.

But it's also one of the kinds of tough conversations we simply need to have if we're going to be sexually active, and when it comes to partners who we care for, and who we know care for and respect us, that conversation also really isn't likely to be awful. What it will likely result in is simply your new partner wanting to do some research before he makes up his mind about sex with you, including seeing what the two of you can do to reduce your risks if he does decide he's okay with that risk and a sexual relationship. And no matter what he decides, if he's a good guy who cares for you, he's not going to make you feel like a pariah about this. If he handles it like a jerk...well, then you've dodged a bullet.

HPV isn't transmitted through blood, it's transmitted by skin-to-skin contact. So, people with HPV can still donate blood. Too, people doing blood drives are not going to be testing your blood for HPV. If you haven't had a recent full STI screen (and if you've been sexually active, which it sounds like you have, that's something you need to do every year), you need to get those screens from your gynecologist, general doctor and/or sexual healthcare provider. Too, it's particularly important when you have HPV to get your yearly pap smears, because HPV can cause cervical cancer, so it's vital to have your doctor keep an eye on your cervix to be sure it has not for you.

(And if you have never had any of this healthcare, not only is it past time to start, it's also not sensible to assume you have HPV just because your last partner had it. If you think you do because you have warts, you need to have those treated. If you are just assuming you do because your last partner is, know it isn't guaranteed you got it: sometimes, the immune system can help keep you from catching an infection. if you've never actually been diagnosed, for all you know, you don't even have HPV.)

Here are a couple of links for you with more information about HPV, as well as another link or two that I think will help you sort this all out.

• HPV & Herpes: Why Safer Sex Isn't Always Safe Enough
• The STI Files: Human Papillomavirus (HPV)
• The HPV Vaccine FAQ
• Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
• Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To

- Heather Corinna - Scarleteen Founder, Editor & Advice-Slingin' Sister - Author, S.E.X.