by Stephanie

Ever feel like there’s a mass market for wrong information about men’s sex and sexual health? Do you leave a conversation with a friend or finish reading an article or website and wonder if what you’ve learned is the truth or one of those nasty myths? Just about any subject you’d hear about has them … and here we find no exception. Now Scarleteen’s taking the time to debunk some of the most common misconceptions.

We believe that all sex should be something anyone chooses for themselves, based on sound, realistic information. In order to do this, it is vitally important to be able to distinguish between the facts and the myths about what is safe. Do you know the facts about men’s sex and sexual health information, or have you fallen for some myths?

MYTH: Blue balls is a feeling or occurrence that only men experience.

FACT: The technical term for this condition is vasocongestion. Part of the process of sexual response is arousal – and during this phase the whole pelvic region fills with blood. This is why the penis becomes erect in men and the clitoris enlarges and vulva becomes fuller in women. If and when orgasm occurs, this pressure is usually released shortly after.

When orgasm doesn’t occur, men and women alike can feel a bit uncomfortable – men usually in the testes and women in the whole pelvic area especially localized in the vulva. Generally in about twenty to thirty minutes the discomfort will subside on its own, or if the pain is more pronounced an aspirin or Tylenol can help. From everything that’s known about men and women’s genitals, men don’t feel the discomfort more; men actually just complain about it more often than women do.

Check the research: Scarleteen: FBI Files: Vasocongestion, AKA: Blue Balls, Teen Health FX: FX Answers, Teenwire: Do women get blue balls too?.

MYTH: Blue balls is a real condition and because of this women should never deny a man sex when they’re aroused.

FACT: While blue balls – vasocongestion – does happen, it certainly doesn’t obligate any one person to bring another to orgasm. Just as you are not obligated to bring your partner to orgasm every time you engage in any type of sex, your partner is also not obligated to always bring you to orgasm. It’s not okay for anyone to pressure or guilt another person into performing any type of sex or to finish any type of sex.
It’s certainly fine for you to talk with a partner about the discomfort and the same for them with you – part of being in a relationship is being able to talk about things when we’re not happy. In the end, we always have our own two hands if that be the choice, either after your partner leaves or as mutual masturbation which many partners participate in.

Check the research: Discovery Health: Blue Balls, Scarleteen: Am I Blue?, Scarleteen: Is it bad for a guy to have an erection for an hour or two?.

MYTH: Circumcision is a practice mainly because of medical reasons, especially cleanliness.

FACT: There is actually no medical justification for the procedure of circumcision, and actually many don’t recommend the procedure be done at all. There are substantial risks medically aside from pain - infection, hemorrhaging, nerve damage, and loss of sensitivity can occur.

Some doctors believe that circumcision can help to prevent urinary tract infections, STI risks, and penile cancer. There’s not enough information to prove any of these to be true. It’s also not cleaner to be circumcised – a belief that many people hold. More often than anything it’s a religious preference, or the preference of one or both of the parents.

Check the research: Children’s Hospital- Westmead Australia: Circumcision, Circumcision Resource Center of Colorado: Circumcision: An Overview, Scarleteen: A Penis Shape and Size Lowdown.

MYTH: Condoms take away all feeling for men and thus ruin sex.

FACT: Condoms are a thin piece of material, either latex, animal membrane (such as lambskin), or polyurethane. Using thinner condoms is safer because thicker made condoms can create more friction and actually cause them to break. Condoms don’t cause men to lose all feeling during sex, the change is actually minimal. Using a drop or two of water based lubricant can create more sensation for men.

Many men actually state that condoms help them feel better during sex. Using condoms can help both partners to be more relaxed by reducing pregnancy risks. Many men are able to last longer during sex with the use of condoms both because of the change in feeling as well as the ring at the base of the condom working somewhat like a penis ring.

Check the research: Scarleteen: It's harder for him to orgasm with condoms, so what do I do?, Sex, Etc: What if my partner doesn’t want to use a condom?, Teenwire: Won’t putting a condom on ruin the moment?.

MYTH: Ejaculation color and amount should always look like it does in a pornographic film.

FACT: Anyone ever told you, “You can’t believe everything you see in a movie?” This is definitely an instance where this well-known phrase applies. Movies – as with many other sources representing sex in one way or another – often exaggerate sexual response and orgasm.

Every person’s body reacts differently, and because of this the amount, speed, and color will vary a bit from one to another. Pornography isn’t a bad thing, and nobody’s trying to say that it is – but really it’s a bad basis for learning about sex. It’s made in a way that people will want to buy it, not necessarily in a way that’s the most honest display of sexual response and orgasm.

Check the research: Men Stuff: Semen, Scarleteen: Looking, Lusting and Learning: A Straightforward Look at Pornography, Scarleteen: Penis Size, Ejaculation, and What Happens When You Try to Learn From Porn..

MYTH: Men are always ready and wanting sex at any given time.

FACT: You’ve been on a baseball team for seven years and absolutely love to play. Last night you didn’t sleep well, haven’t had a chance to eat anything, and in general are just having a bad day. Are you going to want to play a baseball game? Probably not. Sometimes – no matter how much you like something or how interested you are in it – you just don’t feel like it.

This same idea applies to sex. As with anything else, it’s normal to just not feel like having any type of sex at any time. It’s definitely a common misconception that men think about sex all of the time and it’s all that they want to do. Men and women alike have their moments when sex is something they want and it’s not something that they don’t want – and that’s completely normal.

Check the research: It’s Your Call- Making Sexual Decisions: Myths about Male Sexuality, Scarleteen: Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist.

MYTH: Men cannot become pregnant so birth control should be a woman’s responsibility.

FACT: The first part of this statement is true – because of physical make-up women can become pregnant and men cannot become pregnant. There’s really no fight to that, it’s a well known fact. Men can become fathers though, and becoming a parent – whether that be a mother or a father – is something that can change your life drastically.

In addition to the life changing experience of becoming a parent, both partners can be at risk of sexually transmitted infections. It’s as much a responsibility of the man to be sure that safer sex practices are being followed and that they’re comfortable with the level of protection as it is for the woman.

Check the research: Go Ask Alice: Who brings the contraception: Men or women?, Scarleteen: Birth Control Bingo: For Men, Scarleteen: Hey, Boyfriend! Male Reproductive Choices.

MYTH: Men should be able to get an erection any time they’re feeling aroused, and if they don’t then there’s something wrong with them.

FACT: While nobody wants to be told “Sometimes this happens to guys.” it’s very true. It can happen once every few years or once every few times you plan to have intercourse it’s still normal. Women can experience something similar where her clitoris isn’t enlarging the same as it would other times, or she’s not self lubricating much. This doesn’t mean that you don’t find your partner attractive or that there’s anything wrong with you.

There are so many factors at work to get and sustain an erection that to expect that every time you have any type of sex you’ll have an erection isn’t really very realistic. It’s normal to have problems with this more that once in a row because worrying about being able to sustain an erection can actually cause enough stress to block this from happening. Other factors that may cause additional problems include alcohol, drugs, illness, depression, and being very tired. There are really a lot of different kinds of sex and they don’t all require an erection.

Check the research: Go Ask Alice: Problematic erection and ejaculation?, Scarleteen: ED: Why You Don't Have to Get So Down About Not Getting It Up, Scarleteen: No erection four times now: what can I do?.

MYTH: Men should be able to last a long time with intercourse and ejaculating after a few minutes is bad because it’s premature.

FACT: Well guys in movies can last for hours at a time – can’t they? Most people have heard the phrase “you can’t always trust what you see on TV,” and in this case it’s definitely the truth. Sometimes men can last between 15 minutes and an hour sustaining an erection through intercourse, but most men (around 75% actually) reach orgasm within 2 minutes of starting intercourse.

This may seem like a very short amount of time, but it can actually feel like much longer if sex is enjoyable. And sex as a whole isn’t just about the genitals – but about the body in its entirety. Varying activities, slowing down the pace, using a penile ring, or masturbating before dates can actually help some men last longer. Ejaculating after a short amount of time though is typical - not premature.

Check the research: IntelliHealth: Premature Ejaculation, Medline Plus Encyclopedia: Premature Ejaculation, Scarleteen: I come way too soon and I just can't deal!.

MYTH: The size of a man’s penis flaccid is an indication of what size it will be erect and thus can be calculated easily.

FACT: If asked to describe what changes occur between a man’s penis flaccid to erect – many people will describe that it grows. This is only one of three changes and the reason that the size of a man’s penis flaccid isn’t an indication of size when erect. When a man has a penis that appears smaller flaccid than it does erect, people tend to class them as growers. Simply put there is a visible change with the growth of his penis with an erection.

Some men’s penis’s appear to be the same length flaccid as they do erect, and these men are usually referred to as “showers,” meaning what is seen flaccid is close to what is seen erect. Other men are somewhere between these two. All three of these changes from flaccid to erect are quite normal and healthy.

Check the research: The Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex by Jube M. Reinsch, Ruth Beasley (with),Go Ask Alice: Bigger penis promises: True claims or false advertising?, Scarleteen: A Penis Shape and Size Lowdown.

Take a Look At the Scarleteen Misconception Series:

• Misconception Mayhem: Separating Body Myths from Facts
• Misconception Mayhem: Separating Bisexuality and Homosexuality Myths from Facts
• Misconception Mayhem: Separating Pregnancy and Pregnancy Risk Myths from Facts
• Misconception Mayhem: Separating Relationship Myths from Facts
• Misconception Mayhem: Separating Sexual Myths from Facts
• Misconception Mayhem: Separating STI Myths from Facts
• Misconception Mayhem: Separating Women’s Sex 411 and Sexual Health Myths from Facts