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Questions and Answers

Big divides in highly age-disparate relationship

Anonymous asks:

My boyfriend and I have been together about 6 months. We are very compatible in terms of interests and values (the outdoors, conservation of resources, frugal living, healthy eating, etc). I am 22 and he is 60. Both of us have had sex with only one other person in our lives--me, my ex-boyfriend and him, his ex-wife.

He wants more sex than me. Big surprise. He's a man. I understand that. I enjoy sex when we have it (1-2 times a week), but I don't want to push myself to have it when I'm not in the mood. My boyfriend is very understanding intellectually, but his body wants much more. We've been talking about this quite a bit, and the fact that he is willing to talk tells me he is a good man. I don't want any strife over this, so I was wondering if you knew of any coping strategies that might work to help us compromise.

On a deeper level, he acknowledges that he uses time with me as an escape from his worries, whereas I tend to bring my worries into the time we have (I'm a student, so I have to do homework on weekends, for example. I can't just forget about work.) He tends to be very goofy, knocking me onto the bed, tickling me, etc., and it gets tiring responding to this. He says, "I'm sorry I like you more than you like me." How am I supposed to respond to that? DUDE! He's old and I was knocked flat with desire the week I met him! I pursued him because I couldn't imagine letting him slip through my fingers.

He says he wants to live with me, and get married. I don't think that's a good idea if he uses my company to escape his troubles--we won't get through anything if he keeps using my company as an escape. Understand that he is a decent, principled man; he married the girl he got pregnant 40 years ago and stayed with her to raise the child. Consequently, he wants to be understanding of my needs and is compulsive about birth control. We simply have a conflict due to our respective sexes and sex drives. I wonder what we can do.

I orgasm during massage: am I alone in that?

ali asks:

I have looked extensively across the internet and can't find an answer to my bizarre situation. Almost every time I have a massage I orgasm. It seems to happen the most when they work on the lower part of my back. It is often unpredictable, occurring when I least expect it and am not even aroused. It doesn't matter when my masseusse is male or female either, it just happens.

They aren't necessarily intense orgasms, rather mini ones, but I've sometimes had up to 4 or 5 during a massage.
It has never happened with a friend or partner massaging me either, nothing even close. What is so peculiar about it is that I do not achieve orgasm easily when it comes to oral sex or masturbation. It is achievable, but I have never in my life orgasmed during intercourse and have often had even the most dedicated partners wanna give up trying. I myself put this down to medications, anatomical design and most likely having a few sex issues so am mentally unable to let go.
Can you tell me if i am alone in this? It bothers me in that I almost feel guilty getting a massage as if I was paying for sex, but I really enjoy my massages, orgasm excluded. Thanks for any advice you may be able to offer.

Will birth control pills regulate my periods?

rinny627 asks:

I've been off of the pill since June. I've been irregular. I just moved and now I'm not getting my period. My last period was for 2 days in September. I'm not pregnant either. I now have birth control pills to take. When should I take them and will it make a difference?

Why doesn't he like that I get wet?

chelcie asks:

Neither my boyfriend or I have engaged in sexual intercourse, with each other of someone else, but we do fool around quite a bit. We both perform oral sex on each other, but he says he doesn't like performing on me once I get wet. He tries his hardest to please me with his fingers but I think a full oral sexual experience would feel so much better. Why does he dislike this and how can we improve the experience for him?

When women orgasm, where does it come out from?

Confused and Uninformed asks:

Hi, I've been looking around some sites for a while and haven't found any information on what I'm looking for and maybe that's because it's so obvious, but the more I look up information the more confused I get.

When a woman orgasms, where exactly does it come out? And do you need to lose your virginity before you can come? Some sites referred to the clitoris as a gland, which made me wonder if it came out there, but that didn't seem likely... so as you can see, my research hasn't helped and now I'm just outright asking. Thanks for your time and sorry if this is really a stupid question.

Manual sex + pre-ejaculate = real pregnancy risk?

Lucy asks:

I'm 17 and my boyfriend (16) and I have been dating for 2 years. We have decided to not have intercourse, but we do have manual sex sometimes. The last time we fooled around was about 2 1/2 to 3 weeks ago. I had my period last week, and it was on time, but only red blood for 2 days; then it was pinkish brownish stuff. Today and yesterday I've been peeing nonstop. My boyfriend doesn't think he pre-cums, ever, but I did feel something at the tip of his penis--was it urine maybe? I'm worried that maybe he had pre-cum on his fingers when he touched me (he went in pretty deep) or that I touched myself with it using the bathroom. I'm really worried that I'm pregnant; please help.

Is intercourse a pregnancy risk if he's not completely erect?

Lauren asks:

About 3 weeks ago my boyfriend and I were messing around and wanted to have sex but he wasn't fully erect. He did however enter me and proceed to have sex. We did not use a condom. Three days later I had sex with him and used a condom. I've been stressed out since the incident and my period has not arrived. It usually comes every 2 weeks and 5 days and today is the sixth day. Could I be pregnant or is my cycle going to be off because of the stress?

What size are "normal" labia?

Amber asks:

hello, my name is amber and i have a larger than normal labia but is their any thing i can do to make it smaller other than surgery?

Can you continue having sex after ejaculation while using a condom if the condom doesn't break?

Anon asks:

If you continue having sex after ejaculation while using a condom but the condom doesn't break and there is hardly any semen in the condom what are the chances of pregnancy? Could the semen have seeped out? Is this likely???

What exactly is a "rim job?"

anonymous asks:

I was wondering if you could tell me what exactly is a "rim job?" Thanks!

How many times can you have sex until you get pregnant?

brittany asks:

How many times can you have sex until you get pregnant?

Is it unhealthy for me to swallow his sperm?

Lucy, 18 asks:

My boyfriend and I have been giving each other oral sex for a while now, but I have just started giving him blowjobs. Is it unhealthy for me to swallow his sperm? Will I get any illnesses from this?

Vaginal to anal to vaginal again, is this dangerous?

spike asks:

I'm a nearly 16 year old woman who needs help...A while ago and recently, my boyfriend fingered me vaginal to anal to vaginal, but not sex. I've recently read that you can get serious vaginal infections from passing bacteria from the anus to the vagina. Am I OK to leave it be because it wasn't sex, or should I still get it checked out, just to be on the safe side?

First-time sex with a friend: is that wrong?

Elizabeth asks:

Hi. I'm 18 years old (female) and I've been talking about having sex with a guy friend of mine. I'm very inexperienced and so I'm pretty nervous about this. I don't want to do it and then regret it later. So I have couple questions i was hoping you could help me out with. First of all, if it's going to be my first time but not his should i have him get a STI test(and should i get one)? I feel a bit awkward asking him to because we're not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - if you have any ideas on how i could bring this up to him that would be great. I don't think he has an STI or anything but obviously i can't be sure. Secondly, since I'm inexperienced in the sex department and I'm a naturally shy person anyway how can i make myself more comfortable during any kind of sex? Thirdly, am I going to bleed all over the place since it is going to be my first time? On your site you have said that the bleeding is pretty light buy I am just wondering. Lastly, is it wrong to have sex with someone you're not in a relationship with? I feel comfortable with him and I know if we had sex it would be because we both wanted to - not because anyone was feeling pressure. Thanks so much for answering my questions! I really love your site - it has such great information!

Can sex be a way of saying I love you?

Anonymous asks:

My boyfriend and I are both virgins. We have talked about sex and decided we are ready for it. Can sex be a way of saying "I love you"? How? What makes it such?

Why do girls bleed after or before intercourse is over?

nancy p asks:

I want to know why girls bleed after or before intercourse is over?

I stopped masturbating, so am I a virgin?

M asks:

I'm a 13-and-a-half-year-old male, and I masturbated around 6 times, and when I start to ejaculate I stop. I do not masturbate anymore. I just want to know if I am still a virgin. So am I still a virgin? Please answer for me. I'll appreciate it.

Skipping steps in sexual activity

Anonymous asks:

I really love this website, & I'm pretty sure I've read all of the articles on here (many twice). I still have a question, though.

I'm a 20 year old female who has had no sexual encounters, but want to be totally prepared whenever those opportunities arise. In a lot of the articles, you say in order to successfully move onto vaginal intercourse with a partner it is important to have participated in the precursors beforehand (i.e. cuddling, kissing, manual sex, oral sex, etc). This makes perfectly logical sense, and I agree with it, but I personally am shyer about manual and oral sex than I am about vaginal intercourse. Is that normal? How do I get over it?

Sex during period -- okay?

Peter asks:

Can I have sex with my girlfriend while she is having her period?

What the heck is this thing?

hoium asks:

Lately I've noticed at the front of the opening of my vulva, there is a round, gland-like thing that protrudes slightly from the opening. I didn't really think much of it at first, but it's really uncomfortable to touch, which makes sex very uncomfortable. It also seems to swell slightly when agitated, such as after intercourse. What is this thing? And why is it all of a sudden in my way?

Why is manual sex painful?

Zoey asks:

My boyfriend and I have been have been kinda sexual active for about 6 months. No sex, just playing with each other. Now since he is the first guy I've done anything of this sort with and with him I'm the first girl, I expected some pain and tightness when he first started out fingering me. However, now I've loosened up more, I still feel a slight discomfort type pain along with pleasure. I can try and ignore this but it makes me tense up and he accidentally hurts me more. We have tried most things like kissing during it, and many different positions but I still have that pain. I just want to know what this pain is and how I can stop it. Thank you for your time :)

Can she get pregnant a few days after her period?

solobogeyman asks:

I heard that you can have unprotected sex a few days after a girls period and not get her pregnant? I was wondering if that is true? Or if the possibilities of her getting pregnant are less?

Is it safe to postpone my period on the pill?

jess asks:

If I want to stop my period a few days early, is it safe to take my pill on Wednesday rather than Friday?

Why would intercourse feel good for women?

Anonymous asks:

I was reading about the female anatomy on your website and you said that the clitoris was the part that would be the source of pleasure for the woman. If the most sensitive part of a woman's anatomy is on the outside, how can intercourse feel good? Also, I don't understand how intercourse would stimulate the clitoris. From the diagrams on your website, it seems to me that the clitoris is quite far from the viginal entry. How can a penis entering the virgina have any affect on the clitoris? Thank you for your response!

She doesn't know much about her body: is that why deeper manual sex hurts her?

iN lOVE asks:

My GF and I have been together for 6 months. We are both virgins. I have fingered her quite a few times and she likes it best just rubbing the outside. She does like me to go in occasionally but not very far. Maybe just a third of my finger. She is very cute and innocent and doesn't know a lot even about her own anatomy. If I go in too far she says it hurts sometimes. Is this something to do with her hymen? Will this pain slowly wear away?

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.