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Questions and Answers

Do I really need a pelvic exam?

Tori asks:

Why is a pelvic exam really necessary? I am sexually active, but my boyfriend and I have only ever done anything sexual with each other, and neither of us have anything. I've asked this question to other people and they always say that "You don't KNOW," or that I shouldn't just take my boyfriend's word for it. I trust him, so I'm not considering that part, so ignoring a possibility of disease (which I doubt there is any), why is it so important that I have a pelvic exam?

How can I make my first time special?

Sarah M. asks:

Having read several of your articles concerning "first time" sex, I understand that it may not (and probably won't be?) everything I'm expecting, and that you're "first time" isn't as big a deal as society makes it seem. But I would really like my first time to be special. Not necessarily perfect, but an event in my life I can look back on fondly. Is there anything I can do/should know that would make it more special?

By the way, I think this site and what you do here is awesome, and I am so so grateful that this resource is available. Keep it up!

What if he wants to have sex in 2 months?

lkjafkldffjaskj asks:

I have heard people talking about how they have had sex with their boyfriends after just 2 months and it scares me to think that my boyfriend will want it that soon because I'm scared to have sex, not just because of the risks but of what he'll think and all that stuff. We have only been going out for a week and I am not thinking of having sex with him or receiving/giving oral but I'm just thinking about 2 to 3 months from now will he want it? He has told me he won't force me to do anything I'm not comfortable with and he's a really nice guy so I'm pretty sure he won't but his last girlfriend had sex with him after 3 months. Do you have any advice for me?

He won't do anything sexual that's about my body: what can I do?

Jessica asks:

My boyfriend does not satisfy me sexually. He only lasts about 10 minutes, he won't rub my clit because he doesn't want fluids on his hand and he won't eat me out because he thinks it's nasty, but he thinks that I should give him head. We have been together for 2 years and now it's really affecting me. What can I do?

I can't orgasm from intercourse and we can't stop fighting about it!

Jade asks:

I can never orgasm when having sex with my boyfriend. Not with vaginal, anyways. I only have a couple times and that's because we were doing other things. But it takes me a looooooooong time, and I think he just gets tired after awhile even though I know he tries. And then I get frustrated with MYSELF, and I know that upsets him cause he thinks I'm blaming him and he gets mad at me and we get in a fight. Ugh. I can orgasm fairly quickly when I do it myself? I don't get it. What's going on and how do I fix it?

My friend is making terrible choices: how can I help?

Marie asks:

My best friend thinks its safe to have unprotected sex. She's sixteen (and has been for six months) and her boyfriend is fourteen (and will be for another three months). He thinks she's on the pill, so he doesn't ask her that they use a condom. Even though both of them were virgins, she was his first girlfriend while she had been "messing around" with guys as old as thirty four when she was as young as twelve. Her boyfriend is best friends with my boyfriend, and she is my best friend. Neither my beloved or I want to see this happen, but she acts like it's no big deal, and he yells every time we try to ask about it. She tells me I don't know what I'm talking about, since I'm a virgin and so is my boy -- and we intend to stay that way until we're in a truly committed relationship -- and says to just quit bothering her about it. If I didn't know for a fact that my best friend WANTED to have her boyfriends baby -- and soon -- I wouldn't stress nearly as much as I am currently. I don't know what to do, and was wondering if you could give me any advice... anything is helpful, I know she isn't ready for a kid and wish I could find a tactful way to convince her that there is no safe kind of unprotected sex. I've already showed her Scarleteen, and she brushed it off... so I'm out of ideas. Thanks much!

He's new to sex, I'm not, and I think his values are killing our sex life.

Anonymous asks:

I am 21 years old, and have a two year old daughter so am obviously no stranger to sex. My new boyfriend, however, is a 22 year old complete virgin. We have tried to have sex on multiple occasions but once we really get ready to go for the gusto he goes limp. All the rest of the time he is extremely erect. He and I both can't understand why he continually can't stay hard even though we have tried every position and possibility in the book. I think it has something to do with the fact that he and I are both Christians, but I think his conviction about having sex before marriage is so heavy it wont allow him to stay hard. Please help!!! It's getting to the point where he wants to try almost every night and I am so tired of trying.

How do I support someone coming out to me?

Anonymous asks:

How do I best support a family member who has come out to me? The person is 15 years old and says they are bisexual.

Labia, discharge, and no periods...oh my!

Crystal asks:

I'm 16 and have noticed for a while the extremely large size of my labia, because of it I refuse to become sexually active. Every time I get asked out, I turn them down because of the fear they will see it and find it disgusting. All my friends are or have been sexually active so I don't feel like I can talk to them about it because they don't understand what it's like to be so self conscious of that area. I have been considering surgery but again that involves talking to my parents about it and admitting I have a problem with it instead of living my life as it is at the moment, in celibacy. Along with that problem, I also discharge more than I think any woman should. I spoke to a nurse about it before and she assured me it was normal, but again this just makes me feel worse. Also, to top that off I don't get periods! Yes, it seems odd, but they were always irregular and after going on the 3 month course of the pill to fix it, they stopped completely. It's now been 6 months gone and I have to have a blood test tomorrow which I am very scared of. Ignoring the period rant, is there any way I can reduce the amount of discharge I have? And would surgery be a good idea to reduce the size of me labia and do you know what the prices are like? Please help me.

Why can't I let go of his past?

Audrey asks:

I am 21 years old and have been with my boyfriend for eight months. This is the first relationship I have ever been in; we had sex only a couple of days after we met and I have been with him since. Obviously I trust him and love him and we have a very healthy relationship, but I have known for a while now that prior to meeting me, he slept with 15 other girls. I have a history of depression and ever since he has told me I have started to feel really horrible about it all - I never thought it was something that would ever bother me, as I have friends both male and female who are promiscuous, but I feel so much differently about it now that he has told me. I feel that it upsets me a lot and I don't know why and I can't understand it. I have tried to talk to him about it a lot but he won't open up to me and I don't know what else I can do.

Is it racist to only feel attraction to my own race?

Anonymous asks:

A friend of mine told me I was a racist because I'm not attracted to people who aren't of the same race as me. I don't really know why this is, I'm just not attracted to them. My friends are from many different backgrounds so I don't think that I am a racist. Is it weird to only be attracted to people that are the same race as me?

Did my stepmother lie to me about my right to birth control?

Audrey asks:

I would appreciate a little light shed on my question, it puzzles me greatly. I asked a good while ago if I could start on Birth Control, and my father actually wouldn't mind, in fact, he supports it. My stepmother, on the other hand, doesn't seem comfortable with it. Despite the obvious discomfort, she said she'd call her doctor and see what she could do. Days later, she told me they won't take anyone under 18. This confused me. I know many teenagers on Birth Control. I hope she's not just saying that, although it wouldn't be the first time she did something rather similar to that. At first I got the feeling that she thought I would change if I was on the pill, like I was invincible and I could never get pregnant, so I can have sex whenever I want. The thing is, I'm not sexually active, I'm a virgin. I often get the feeling she thinks I'm a tramp. I would NEVER think in that fashion. So, my question to you, do you have to be a certain age to consult a doctor about Birth Control? And although I'm only 16, would that be my personal choice to take the pill? Or do they have a say in it until I'm a legal adult?

I'm just not interested anymore!

Anonymous asks:

Lately I am afraid of any sexual contact.

I'm in a wonderful relationship and have been with this same person for the past 4 years. We have been having sex for 2 years, and thus far it is always both extremely safe and mutually satisfying. We have never had a sexual encounter that felt unsafe, and we talk about sex really openly.

I have no idea why I suddenly am uninterested in sex. Mentally, I want to be intimate with him. However, for the past two weeks I have physically flinched whenever we try to do something. I am not experiencing any physical pain, I just get scared. I have not experienced any sexual assault or abuse in the past (to my recollection anyway) and I completely trust my partner.

What's wrong with me? How can I learn to feel comfortable being physical again?

The only factor that I can identify as a possible explanation is that recently I tried watching porn a few times. I found it satisfying, then eventually got weirded out by how offensive it can be and the way it makes sex seem very public. I like sex to remain within my relationship, and to be very private. I felt guilty after the porn thing, and maybe that's why I'm still freaking out, but I don't know. I don't have any conscious guilt about that anymore and don't have it on my mind when we attempt to have sex. I therefore doubt that this is the real reason for my recent fears, but cannot come up with any other possibility.

Any ideas?

Can birth control cause dryness?

adele27 asks:

Can my birth control be drying me out? My boyfriend and I have tried to have sex 3 times and we can't get it in. Should I switch my birth control?

It's complicated, but I can't bear to see a doctor to get EC. What do I do?

Anonymous asks:

I am in my early 20s and recently had to stop taking the contraceptive pill because of a medical reason. Now that I am medically ok again, I planned to re-start the pill at some point this week. However, me and my BF of 2 yrs got drunk last night at a party and stupidly had unprotected sex. I am too embarrassed to go to a doctor and ask for a Plan B pill I have heard that if I take two contraceptive pills now (or asap) then it acts in the same way a morning after pill does...is this true?

Oral sex for him...but how?

Anonymous asks:

I'm 21 years old I've been sexually active since I can remember, and never was interested in getting or giving a blowjob. But now, I want to but don't know how to give oral sex in a way I know he will ejaculate. So I just open my mouth and then what?

Does 17 + 20 = JAIL?

Kayla asks:

Suppose a 17-year-old girl is with a 20-year-old guy and she got pregnant. Can her mom put him in jail?

Was my friend implying I brought my rape on myself?

Jessica asks:

I have been raped on several occasion throughout my youth. I am just now, as a 22-year-old woman dealing with these. My friend recently said to me, "Well since it happened to you once, then you are more susceptible to it happening again." It really offended me to hear this, and I wanted to know if it seems unfair to me to get upset. My whole thought process is, I already blame myself (and I know I shouldn't but what girl doesn't) why would you say something like that implying that I brought this on myself? Is that insensitive of me to feel that way?

He's my boyfriend, so how could it have been rape?

worried asks:

I was forced to have sex a few days ago and I'm worried I could have caught something. I have this itch that feels like it's on the walls of my vagina and I can't scratch it because, obviously, it's internal and I don't wanna make myself bleed. Does any infection have symptoms of an itch like that?

My boyfriend decided to take my virginity by force but can I call it rape? He is my boyfriend, but I didn't think I was ready for sex and he pushed it on me that night with a guilt trip. Please help.

Can I have sex while I'm receiving the Gardasil vaccination series?

Jill asks:

I am about to be vaccinated for HPV, and was wondering if I could be sexually active during the 6 month period that I am being treated for the virus? I am a virgin and want to have sex with my boyfriend, who is also a virgin but I have heard various things from different people and am apprehensive about the whole situation. I have heard that the vaccine is "more effective" if you do not have sex during the 6 month period you are receiving the shot; however, I have also that heard it doesn't matter if you do or not from other sources. I want to have sex but I don't know if it is safe or not. Please help!

Sounds like he's having second thoughts.

Anonymous asks:

My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time on his birthday. It was good, but we didn't orgasm and we used protection. After it he was fine, but the next day he was being all weird and distant from me. What's up?

What is the difference between PMS symptoms and pregnancy symptoms?

Miss Nicole asks:

What is the difference between PMS symptoms and pregnancy symptoms?

Is it true teens won't use condoms the way adults use them?

jess asks:

Is it true teens won't use condoms the way adults use them? And is it true condoms wont protect against AIDS?

When the family jewels are more like a solitaire.

Krystle asks:

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months, and I recently noticed that he was missing a "family jewel." Out of curiosity, I asked him why. He explained that when he was a child, it would slip back into his body; therefore, it was removed to stop the discomfort. It doesn't bother me. I just wanted to know if this would affect our ability to have children?

My BFF got a BF, and now I'm chopped liver!

Anonymous asks:

My best friend got a boyfriend, and now she's ignoring me. What should I do?

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