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Questions and Answers

Are condoms really necessary for oral sex?

Heather asks:

You say that condoms/protection needs to be used even during oral sex because of the risk of STDs. Do me and my partner still need to worry about this if neither of us has touched someone else sexually before?

Why do I feel like I want a baby right now?

Emily asks:

I'm 18 years old, going on 19 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years who is the same age. I lost my virginity to him and have never wanted any other person besides him. When we first started having sex, I was completely afraid of getting pregnant. I once thought I was pregnant and contemplated throwing myself down the stairs, though now I would never do such a thing. Now that we've been together for so long, and plan on being together for a long time to come, I've been having very strange thoughts.

I'll be in a store, and look at baby clothes or a book store and see baby books and think "Oh, it's baby stuff. I wish I had a little one of my own." Right now, my boyfriend and I live together, he goes to college and works part time and I just work. I have no clue what I want to do yet, so we decided to move and let him go to school since he had it all planned out.

He pulled out, but now I'm late

Candy asks:

Hey, I had my last period on the 8th of April. My boyfriend and I had sex on the April 21st, but he pulled out before he came. Now, I'm 2 days late for my period! I am freaking out big time, could I be pregnant? I checked the net for all the early pregnancy symptoms but none of them apply to me. I've noticed that the past week I've not had a lot of the usual discharge, but on the day my period was due I did have a lot of white discharge and the next day as well. Please reassure me! When should I really panic?

Is hand washing really necessary?

Jo asks:

Is it a valid concern to be worried about my boyfriend washing his hands before he fingers me? I know he should if he has semen or pre-cum on his hands, but as a guy he hardly washes his hands. You know how some guys are and if I tell him he still won't do it. Could I get infections or could he spread germs that have been on his hands this way? I know the vagina keeps itself pretty clean, so should I do anything about it? Thanks a lot.

What's wrong with my technique?!?

Honey asks:

I've read that the head of men's penises are very sensitive, or the vein on the underside. But my boyfriend doesn't seem to be affected by it too much. In fact if it wasn't for the fact that he thrusts into my mouth when I go down on him, I would think he was completely unaffected. Could it be my technique or is he just really unresponsive or maybe even a little hardened by sex after indulging (with the same girl) in the past?

How do you fix "dryness"?

mauiwaui asks:

I'm dry before my boyfriend and I are about to have sex. What can I do to fix this problem?

How can I have Chlamydia when he doesn't?

Ajay asks:

Me and my partner have been together for 5 months now. I have just recently been tested positive for an STI (chlamydia). My partner and I have never used condoms because I am on the pill. My partner went and got himself tested and his results came back negative. How is that possible?

She likes hard manual sex, but I'm afraid I might hurt her!

jackson asks:

My girlfriend likes being fingered really hard. She likes two fingers as far as I can get them then to push up and pull out as hard as I possibly can against the bone. I absolutely hate this. It scares me that I might hurt her. So is okay to be that hard? will I hurt anything?

Neither of us are reaching orgasm, but I need him to.

Frustrated asks:

I'm 17 and I have a boyfriend of 7 months, and we're both very much in love. We had sex 4 months ago and he didn't reach orgasm and I got the sense he was frustrated so we stopped trying until last weekend. We both really wanted it but the same situation happened where he didn't reach orgasm and I feel like it's my fault and that I'm just not hot enough for him. I never reach orgasm during sex but I always enjoy it and I want to have sex but the problem is I don't want to do it if he's not enjoying himself or feels frustrated and I also don't want to come off as though I want sex all the time because I'm his first girlfriend and he hadn't done anything sexual before me - not even kiss - whereas I was not a virgin upon entering the relationship, so I don't want to come off as if I'm a rushing things all the time. After all this, my question is: What can I do to make my boyfriend enjoy sex enough to orgasm? He has never finished during sex and I get the feeling he's frustrated with it and would rather I suck him off but I always want sex when we're fooling around and I love him so much I want us both to be able to pleasure each other at the same time.

We're abstinent, but we had anal sex and are scared to death.

Anonymous asks:

My boyfriend and I are being abstinent until marriage. We only had sex once, we aren't doing it again and want to be renewed as being abstinent, and we are doing that with my cousin and her bf, because they quit after doing it for months, too.

There was only one incident that happened, that scares us both to death. I would never let him in my vagina because that would just ruin our relationship. We had anal sex. I was sitting on top of him, and the he pre-cummed in his pants. He wanted to just stick his penis in my butt, not my vagina, so he did and it hurt soooo badly. He said he cummed while I was on top. I'm not sure if he wasn't in my vagina, though, because I had a tampon in and when I went to the bathroom after all of this happened, I found the tampon all moved up inside my vagina. Then he cummed and took it out, and we stopped, and we both laid next to each other and he stuck his penis back in my butt again. He used lotion so it wouldn't hurt as bad, and it didn't go in far. After the second time lasted for a minute or two, we stopped and decided we should never do it again, because we weren't like that, being all "sexual." That happened on April 19, and it is April 29. We are both scared that I may be pregnant. I never eat a lot, but now I crave food a little more. We are just so scared to death. I never lost my virginity. I was just wondering if the second time he cummed, if it was in my real butt or not, because it felt different from a different position. I want to know if there is any risk at all that I might be pregnant. My period was the 16th-19th, and I really don't want to wait that long to see if I am or not, but I live with my nana and her new abusive husband would kick me out if I even had a pregnancy test so there is not really a good way to do that. I would just like to know all the information, if we should be worried or not, and anything you can tell us. Thank you so much!

Sex is no place to be dry.

Kristina asks:

How do you stay dry when having sex? I get so wet within 5 minutes.

Unsatisfying sex and transitioning to college in our relationship

Anonymous asks:

My boyfriend and I recently started having sex, we were both virgins. Making love to each other is amazing because we are in love but for me, I can't feel anything. I know theres a million reasons that maybe he doesn't know what to do and stuff but I was hoping if there were any suggestions to help. We are also kind of worried because he goes away to college in a month and a half and he is basically on lock down there. We can barely see each other for the first year. On an emotional level we aren't afraid, but sexually, could not having sex be an issue? A discussion came of of "seeing other people" but no relationship wise, more like hooking up just to get the needs met but we wouldn't discuss anything with each other. Someone said it would help us and in the end we would want each other that much more. I know I love my boyfriend and I don't want anyone else but him but because we are still young and haven't experienced anyone else, would it be smart to try things with other people?

What do you want to know about periods and sex?

Ellie asks:

If you're due to start your period and your boyfriend fingers you, can fingering stop you from coming on your period or make you a little late?

Do I really need a pelvic exam?

Tori asks:

Why is a pelvic exam really necessary? I am sexually active, but my boyfriend and I have only ever done anything sexual with each other, and neither of us have anything. I've asked this question to other people and they always say that "You don't KNOW," or that I shouldn't just take my boyfriend's word for it. I trust him, so I'm not considering that part, so ignoring a possibility of disease (which I doubt there is any), why is it so important that I have a pelvic exam?

How can I make my first time special?

Sarah M. asks:

Having read several of your articles concerning "first time" sex, I understand that it may not (and probably won't be?) everything I'm expecting, and that you're "first time" isn't as big a deal as society makes it seem. But I would really like my first time to be special. Not necessarily perfect, but an event in my life I can look back on fondly. Is there anything I can do/should know that would make it more special?

By the way, I think this site and what you do here is awesome, and I am so so grateful that this resource is available. Keep it up!

What if he wants to have sex in 2 months?

lkjafkldffjaskj asks:

I have heard people talking about how they have had sex with their boyfriends after just 2 months and it scares me to think that my boyfriend will want it that soon because I'm scared to have sex, not just because of the risks but of what he'll think and all that stuff. We have only been going out for a week and I am not thinking of having sex with him or receiving/giving oral but I'm just thinking about 2 to 3 months from now will he want it? He has told me he won't force me to do anything I'm not comfortable with and he's a really nice guy so I'm pretty sure he won't but his last girlfriend had sex with him after 3 months. Do you have any advice for me?

He won't do anything sexual that's about my body: what can I do?

Jessica asks:

My boyfriend does not satisfy me sexually. He only lasts about 10 minutes, he won't rub my clit because he doesn't want fluids on his hand and he won't eat me out because he thinks it's nasty, but he thinks that I should give him head. We have been together for 2 years and now it's really affecting me. What can I do?

I can't orgasm from intercourse and we can't stop fighting about it!

Jade asks:

I can never orgasm when having sex with my boyfriend. Not with vaginal, anyways. I only have a couple times and that's because we were doing other things. But it takes me a looooooooong time, and I think he just gets tired after awhile even though I know he tries. And then I get frustrated with MYSELF, and I know that upsets him cause he thinks I'm blaming him and he gets mad at me and we get in a fight. Ugh. I can orgasm fairly quickly when I do it myself? I don't get it. What's going on and how do I fix it?

My friend is making terrible choices: how can I help?

Marie asks:

My best friend thinks its safe to have unprotected sex. She's sixteen (and has been for six months) and her boyfriend is fourteen (and will be for another three months). He thinks she's on the pill, so he doesn't ask her that they use a condom. Even though both of them were virgins, she was his first girlfriend while she had been "messing around" with guys as old as thirty four when she was as young as twelve. Her boyfriend is best friends with my boyfriend, and she is my best friend. Neither my beloved or I want to see this happen, but she acts like it's no big deal, and he yells every time we try to ask about it. She tells me I don't know what I'm talking about, since I'm a virgin and so is my boy -- and we intend to stay that way until we're in a truly committed relationship -- and says to just quit bothering her about it. If I didn't know for a fact that my best friend WANTED to have her boyfriends baby -- and soon -- I wouldn't stress nearly as much as I am currently. I don't know what to do, and was wondering if you could give me any advice... anything is helpful, I know she isn't ready for a kid and wish I could find a tactful way to convince her that there is no safe kind of unprotected sex. I've already showed her Scarleteen, and she brushed it off... so I'm out of ideas. Thanks much!

He's new to sex, I'm not, and I think his values are killing our sex life.

Anonymous asks:

I am 21 years old, and have a two year old daughter so am obviously no stranger to sex. My new boyfriend, however, is a 22 year old complete virgin. We have tried to have sex on multiple occasions but once we really get ready to go for the gusto he goes limp. All the rest of the time he is extremely erect. He and I both can't understand why he continually can't stay hard even though we have tried every position and possibility in the book. I think it has something to do with the fact that he and I are both Christians, but I think his conviction about having sex before marriage is so heavy it wont allow him to stay hard. Please help!!! It's getting to the point where he wants to try almost every night and I am so tired of trying.

How do I support someone coming out to me?

Anonymous asks:

How do I best support a family member who has come out to me? The person is 15 years old and says they are bisexual.

Labia, discharge, and no periods...oh my!

Crystal asks:

I'm 16 and have noticed for a while the extremely large size of my labia, because of it I refuse to become sexually active. Every time I get asked out, I turn them down because of the fear they will see it and find it disgusting. All my friends are or have been sexually active so I don't feel like I can talk to them about it because they don't understand what it's like to be so self conscious of that area. I have been considering surgery but again that involves talking to my parents about it and admitting I have a problem with it instead of living my life as it is at the moment, in celibacy. Along with that problem, I also discharge more than I think any woman should. I spoke to a nurse about it before and she assured me it was normal, but again this just makes me feel worse. Also, to top that off I don't get periods! Yes, it seems odd, but they were always irregular and after going on the 3 month course of the pill to fix it, they stopped completely. It's now been 6 months gone and I have to have a blood test tomorrow which I am very scared of. Ignoring the period rant, is there any way I can reduce the amount of discharge I have? And would surgery be a good idea to reduce the size of me labia and do you know what the prices are like? Please help me.

Why can't I let go of his past?

Audrey asks:

I am 21 years old and have been with my boyfriend for eight months. This is the first relationship I have ever been in; we had sex only a couple of days after we met and I have been with him since. Obviously I trust him and love him and we have a very healthy relationship, but I have known for a while now that prior to meeting me, he slept with 15 other girls. I have a history of depression and ever since he has told me I have started to feel really horrible about it all - I never thought it was something that would ever bother me, as I have friends both male and female who are promiscuous, but I feel so much differently about it now that he has told me. I feel that it upsets me a lot and I don't know why and I can't understand it. I have tried to talk to him about it a lot but he won't open up to me and I don't know what else I can do.

Is it racist to only feel attraction to my own race?

Anonymous asks:

A friend of mine told me I was a racist because I'm not attracted to people who aren't of the same race as me. I don't really know why this is, I'm just not attracted to them. My friends are from many different backgrounds so I don't think that I am a racist. Is it weird to only be attracted to people that are the same race as me?

Did my stepmother lie to me about my right to birth control?

Audrey asks:

I would appreciate a little light shed on my question, it puzzles me greatly. I asked a good while ago if I could start on Birth Control, and my father actually wouldn't mind, in fact, he supports it. My stepmother, on the other hand, doesn't seem comfortable with it. Despite the obvious discomfort, she said she'd call her doctor and see what she could do. Days later, she told me they won't take anyone under 18. This confused me. I know many teenagers on Birth Control. I hope she's not just saying that, although it wouldn't be the first time she did something rather similar to that. At first I got the feeling that she thought I would change if I was on the pill, like I was invincible and I could never get pregnant, so I can have sex whenever I want. The thing is, I'm not sexually active, I'm a virgin. I often get the feeling she thinks I'm a tramp. I would NEVER think in that fashion. So, my question to you, do you have to be a certain age to consult a doctor about Birth Control? And although I'm only 16, would that be my personal choice to take the pill? Or do they have a say in it until I'm a legal adult?

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