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Questions and Answers

I'm bisexual, so why don't I feel exactly the same about men and women?

nathanielthegreat asks:

I'm 17, male, and have considered myself bisexual for 2 years now. I find myself emotionally attracted to women and sexually attracted to men. I like women in a certain way, I like to be in relationships with them. I see myself having kids, many in fact. But I'm not feeling sexually attracted to them, except for a few but can't find myself to have sex with them. As for men, I like them almost strictly sexually. Even if I didn't enjoy the sex, half the times I couldn't get hard with men, I prefer it and don't feel scared to. But when I try to be with them emotionally, I'm just not that into it. I don't feel like I put any limits on myself, for I have tried.

What does this mean? I won't limit myself to one gender but I'd like to feel for them equally in order to find the right person for me. What do you think? Please help.

Did rape ruin my vagina forever?

Adrienne7777 asks:

I was raped about seven months ago and my vagina hasn't felt the same ever since: it has felt more open. My boyfriend and I just started having sex about a month ago. I asked him if I felt loose, because ever since the incident I haven't felt good about my vagina. He said that I am definitely not tight. I looked at my vagina with a mirror and noticed that the opening isn't completely closed. I tried inserting a small dildo and standing up but the dildo fell out. I can easily insert one finger with little resistance. I have tried doing kegels but still feel like my vagina is open and loose. I cry about this and feel really self conscious. Is it possible that because when I was raped the rapist was really rough with me that my vagina is broken forever? Thank you.

Why is one group of women so different than another when it comes to interest in sex?

P1990 asks:

I am a 19-year old male, and all the time I hear or read things about females that age or even younger getting into sex, including right here on Scarleteen. But just about every female around my age that I know has little to no interest in sex. What is it that makes these groups of people so different? I'm worried I might not find any partners that are interested in it. I'm not desperate to have sex, or want to base a relationship solely on it, but I do want to have a partner who enjoys it and with whom I can explore sex.

Is birth control safe? Are certain brands best?

Gwenaly asks:

I've been wondering if using birth control is safe? And is there a certain brand of birth control that I can use that will be the best to use?

How do I tell my boyfriend I don't think he's ready for sex yet?

erohwaremac asks:

My boyfriend and I have been going out for over five months now. In an emotional sense, we're a perfect couple. We love and respect each other, and get along incredibly. However, I am his first real girlfriend. I'm only the third girl he's ever kissed and done other things with. We "fool around" such as we make out, he feels me up and fingers me, and I go down on him, etc. However, I have essentially taught him everything he knows. He is a virgin. I am not. He tells me he is ready for sex, but despite the fact that I love and think the world of him, I know that he is not. Biologically he is raring to go, but emotionally he is not. I don't really know how to tell him this. I know it won't compromise the relationship, but I just don't want him to feel like I think of him any less. I just want his first time to be special and wonderful. And the only way I can let that happen is if he is totally emotionally ready. Deep down, he agrees with me, but his hormones are getting the better of him. I don't want to deny him, but at the same time I don't want to hurt him either. What do you suggest?

What's riskier?

Cayannagirl asks:

My Fiance and I have been having sexually active for about a year now, but we don't live together so we don't get to have sex that often, usually only on weekends if we're lucky and get my house to ourselves. We don't use condoms because the latex makes me break out and I haven't started birth control yet because I wasn't sure about what to use and because since both of us are Christian, we thought that if I got on birth control we would have sex more frequently which we didn't want to do since we were trying to keep from doing it too much and thus getting pregnant. Whenever we have sex he pulls it out before he ejaculates, but I've heard that some people still can get pregnant when doing that...is this true? Also, I'm really worried about gaining a lot of weight when I start birth control, because weight is a very big issue for me...is there a birth control that I can use that is effective, but won't cause me to gain a ton of weight?

How well will condoms really work?

Lary2211 asks:

I'm 19 years old. My boyfriend and I want to have sex. He is not a virgin, but I am. The only thing that I'm scared of is getting pregnant. We will use condoms for sure and as my boyfriend has had intercourse before, I'm assuming he knows how to use them. How effective can the condom be to prevent me from getting pregnant since I will be having sex for the first time?

Another issue that is freaking me out is what if the condom tears or comes off? Can I guarantee 100% protection and rely on my boyfriend's experience with condoms? I'm worrying a little bit too much, but I really want to experience sexual intercourse with someone I really love. I would really appreciate your help and advice because I'm in need of some.

Feeling lost in a long-distance relationship

aroplane asks:

I have been in a long distance relationship for a year now. We are in love, but he is a year older than me and is going to college this year. We decided a long time ago that breaking up would be the best option in order to avoid one of us cheating or having to break up on bad terms later on. The goal is to preserve our friendship.

The problem is we are still in love and so far we have been acting the same way that we did when we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. We still say I love you and talk every day. At first we decided to label our status as "broken up", however we then decided that since we weren't acting broken up that we should not call our status anything and ignore labels and just listen to our feelings and be honest with each other all the time. That sounds good in theory but now we are in this relationship limbo that seems so fragile and hopeless.

My friend told me that the best thing to do in order not to end up getting taken over by jealousy down the line would be to stop talking to each other all together and try to get over one another. There is one big big big problem with that idea and that is that we are in love and the thought of not speaking to him tears me apart. I want to know my "boyfriend" forever one way or another. He accepts me and loves me for who I am. We have so much fun together. When I'm with him I feel safe and beautiful. Nothing compares to it.

If we HAVE to break up then I do want to be friends if that is all we can be, but I don't know how to do that when I would rather be his girlfriend. I need him in my life. He needs me in his. What is the best way to handle this situation?

This is what sexual incompatibility looks like.

haiguyz asks:

My partner seems to pick and choose when she wants to fool around with me. Whenever I want to do anything, she doesn't, and if I get her to do anything, she complains the whole way through. When she gives me head, if I suggest things to do, she gives me an evil look, and tells me to shut up, like she's being humiliated. But just a few days ago, she took me into my room and gave me head without me even asking or suggesting in any way! She once told me she doesn't like for me to do anything to her or vice versa, but this just confuses me. I know it sounds like I'm pushing her to do these things, but I have nothing but the utmost respect for her. I just would like to be intimate with her more often. When I tell her this, she brings up that she doesn't really like intimacy. I'm so confused!

To shave or not to shave? Here's the answer.

soccerplayagirl asks:

To shave or not to shave? Rather a drama queen way to ask a question but there it is. My boyfriend wants to have oral sex with me, and I am fine with that, but he is asking if I can shave my hair down there. Now I thought that was a bad idea, because I remember hearing something about the hair being a ventilation system for you and helps prevent infection. However, I would like to do something but what? Trim? Or is shaving really not that bad? What is healthiest?

Are we addicted to sex?

cfishhyy2694 asks:

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 months. We had sex after the 1st month because we felt that special connection with each other. Ever since the first time with him, I keep wanting more. I think I'm addicted to sex with him. That is all I think about constantly. He is the same way but for my sake (he doesn't want to be a father yet, if you get what I mean) he tries to control himself as much as possible. He can't always though. To be safe I've asked him to buy condoms but since we both realized we are doing it too much, he says we aren't going to do it anyway so why have them. Well then he comes over and we wind up doing it without a condom. It was a close call one time where he almost ejaculated inside of me, but pulled it out just in time. Do you have any suggestions on how we can overcome out sex addiction and try and be safer? I'm not allowed to go on the pill and my boyfriend and I have a lot of time to be alone together. We are just teenagers. Thank you for the advice.

Should I be concerned about his sexuality?

pagangirl asks:

Although I feel a little ridiculous asking this considering I should be more openminded towards sexuality and experimentation, I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. I started dating a man 10 months ago. I'm 18, he turned 26 around three weeks ago. He was married before, and she left because of her claiming to have been bored in bed and in general. Since the beginning of our relationship, I stated that I am bisexual and have been as long as I could remember. I asked him about his orientation and he told me that he was straight. No rushed answer, no hysteria. So, I believed him.

Months later--two months ago almost--I mentioned that I had heard that one of his friends had had a gay encounter. He shrugged and told me that he himself had experimented when he was 16, and had sex with another guy from school. He had anal sex, oral sex, and watched straight and transgender porn with the other boy (claiming the transgender porn belonged to the friend). He told me he couldn't kiss the other guy, because he felt repulsed, yet was able to perform oral sex on him.

I think I have a UTI: what should I do?

ab asks:

I am a teenager and think I may have UI and that could be from a UTI but what should I do to treat it/make it go away as it is affecting daily routine? I have not visited any doctor as I am embarrassed to tell my parents about this possible problem. Do I need to see a doctor, if so how should I tell about this condition to my parents as I can't go on my own? What is the typical process during a doctor's visit for UI or UTI? Will it include a full body exam, because I feel nervous and sensitive to that, especially with someone else in the room with me (e.g. parents). What should I do about this? Can this be cured without need of going to a doctor?

Is my foreskin normal? How does it work?

mr-nemesis asks:

I am 16 years old: when erect only half of the tip of my penis shows. I was just wondering if this is normal? I thought that when your penis is erect that the entire tip is exposed, then when non-erect the foreskin retracts to protect the tip? Am I right or wrong? When will my full tip come out? Or do I have to pull my foreskin back during intercourse? Thanks!

Why am I so paranoid about sex?

alsexnikkah asks:

Mmkay I'm 13. I want to have sex really bad but I still don't have a boyfriend and blah blah blah. I KNOW how to not have sex with a guy that I JUST met. I like to go out with a guy for awhile before I do anything like sex. But when I do have a boyfriend for like a year I would like to have sex. But I am always freaking out about getting pregnant! But I can't wait if I find someone that I like for awhile and stuff! And like I would like to do oral. But I am scared if I will get herpes or something. I'm always so paranoid about this! :|

I need help finding a boyfriend because I go to an all-girl school

kk17 asks:

I'm 14 and haven't got a boyfriend. I go to an all girls' school, so there are no boys there. I really need help on what I can do to find a boyfriend because loads of my friends have got a boyfriend or have kissed a boy properly before.

It's just really depressing when they start talking about their latest boyfriend, and I just have to go away and sit on my own pretending I don't care. This isn't really a sex related question, but I really just need someone to talk to.

Thanks, but sorry for the lack of sex related stuff.

Should I stay or should I go? My boyfriend disclosed that he has sexually assaulted two kids...

mlti asks:

I am in an extremely confused state right now. I'm almost in the state of breaking down too and I just cannot accept the irresponsible fact that my boyfriend has raped a family member and a girlfriend's sister before who were both kids. It happened two years ago. He told me with all out honesty yesterday about it all since he didn't want to hide it from me as I am his girlfriend. He said that he is an overall changed person now...and he was really terrible to ever thought of doing such things, it was mainly because of his uncontrollably strong sexual desire and that it was harder to find a girlfriend at that time. He promised it will never happen again and he repented. I am very disappointed and terribly upset about this incident. But I weighed the good and bad sides of the problem. To me, it is beyond wrong to do such a thing and unacceptable to me. He also lost his virginity in that way and though guys are less skeptical about their virginity, I really didn't like him losing it that way. But there's nothing I can do about it now...what's lost is lost. On the other hand, he has every right to be forgiven too. This not only happened in the past, there was nothing of that sort after that and at the present moment. If he had repeated it, I wouldn't be so tolerant. He also chose to tell me the honest full truth even though he knows I was gonna be terrified. Furthermore, we are already planning a future together and we love each other very much. What should I do? Should I move forward, focus on us now and the future as well as forgive his past mistakes...or stop being with him? I really need some good advice.

Is it really illegal to sell me condoms?

ADistantPlanet asks:

This may be a bit of a strange question, but my attempts at researching this question have yielded very few results. I'm 16 years old, and the other day, I went into a gas station near my home in Michigan to buy some condoms. I'm on the Pill, but I use condoms every time with my boyfriend due to my paranoia of pregnancy. When I brought the condoms to the counter, the woman behind it informed me that there is a law that forbids the selling of condoms to those under 18. This didn't really sound plausible to me, considering that the age of consent in Michigan is 16 and it would be rather counterproductive to ban condoms for 2 years, however, the woman vehemently refused to sell them to me. Is there any sort of law (in Michigan or a national law) that forbids stores from selling condoms (or pregnancy tests, etc.) to minors?

I'm worried that partnered sex won't be as good as masturbation!

rose789 asks:

I have a question about the way I masturbate: it feels best when I am rubbing myself light and fast through a layer of clothing, like underwear or something, and tightening my inside muscles at the same time. I can orgasm easily like this, and have multiple orgasms if I keep going. I haven't yet had sex that isn't just me and myself, but I feel ready to do more physical things with my boyfriend, except I am worried that him touching me won't feel like it does when I masturbate. It feels really different when I touch my clitoris with bare fingers, not really good at all. Am I too sensitive? What is going on? I don't want him to feel bad about it. In fact I'd rather just not have sex with him at all if it won't be good for both of us. Please help, I am stressing out about this.

Putting the brakes on sex: How do I slow things down?

sofi52108 asks:

I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now and I have been very sexually active with him but now I want to slow things down and wait until I'm ready for marriage. I want to start everything over and just be a normal teenager. He doesn't seem to have any problems with this and I talked to him about it already, but I feel like there are problems. Our relationship is actually getting better but now he is more horny around me all the time and it tempts me but I don't want to give in. I want to have sex too even more now that I told myself I can't. Are there any methods I can use to calm myself from sex or just things I can say to my boyfriend to tell him to realize I'm not comfortable with him being horny and it really bothers me?

Why do I feel so bad later when it feels so good at the time?

nikita asks:

I am a 23 year old female in a serious relationship for the first time. I knew my boyfriend for 3 months and have seeing him seriously for 4 months now. The two of us are clear on no sex before marriage, but are physically intimate. I love to kiss him and cuddle up with him. But, when it comes to touching each other sexually, it feels good at that moment, but later thinking about it all alone makes me feel so guilty and ashamed of letting go of myself that I start crying uncontrollably. Initially I assumed that this must be because I have never been physically intimate with anyone before, but even after 4 months this guilt has not subsided. I am not religious or anything, but I have always wanted to be intimate only after being sure of the guy. I do love my boyfriend and he's sensitive and everything. I haven't spoken to him about this since I don't want him to feel he violated me in any way. Is there a way for me to get over this?

Enjoyment and Ejaculation: Inside and Outside

tammyj asks:

Is it true that an orgasm is more enjoyable for a guy if it happens inside his partner? Even though I take the pill religiously, I've always been afraid to let my partners finish inside me. I have them pull out and ejaculate their sperm on my stomach instead. No one has ever complained but I hate to think I'm robbing my boyfriend of pleasure. Any truth to this?

Is something wrong with me because I like BDSM? Can I like it and still be a feminist?

alice42 asks:

For as long as I can remember, I have been turned on my imagining my own pain and humiliation. I am going out with someone for the first time now, and we've been together for almost eight months. Recently we've started experimenting with very mild SM-type things--tying each other up, biting, spanking. I love it, and so does he. But is this normal? Should I be worried that this turns me on more than anything else we've done together? Is there something wrong with me? (I've never been abused). And can I still be a feminist if I get off on being dominated by men?

He Can’t Orgasm … Is Diabetes to Blame?

Amber asks:

I just stumbled across your wonderful site totally by accident and am really hoping you will be able to help me with a problem which is keeping me awake at night. I’ve been sexually active since I was 16. Since then, all of my male sexual partners have ejaculated during sex, but my current boyfriend is having a problem. This is affecting our sex life as I feel I must be doing something wrong. He has tried to reassure me he often hasn't been able to orgasm in the past with other partners and that he enjoys sex with me nonetheless - that he doesn’t have to come to be satisfied. But I don't fully enjoy myself knowing that he won't reach orgasm; it doesn't seem fair.

I know you recently answered a question in the same vein but I think my query is different as he is diabetic. I have recently heard that diabetes can affect sex and am wondering if this is true. He doesn't seem aware of the connection and I don't want to mention it without getting the facts first. Please help me, I love him dearly and in all other aspects our relationship is fantastic...but it doesn't fell right for me to be getting all the sexual pleasure.

I'm ready to go all the time but he never wants it...does that mean he is gay?

alluneedislove asks:

Later into our relationship my boyfriend and I (both 17) had a lot of disagreements over sex. He rarely was "in the mood" while I was often ready to go. When I talked to my friends, they just said he was gay for not wanting to do anything with me. Could there be some other reason why he doesn't want to do sexual things with me?

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