Why aren't you psychic?
Sarah replies:I'm 21 and me and my fiance have been sexually active for quite a while now. He says that sex isn't boring, BUT (and the but is never good) he wants to be able to say "Wow, she is a freak!" when we get done. I don't know what he is looking for, but I'm up to try anything. He says he won't tell me exactly what he wants me to do because then it won't be a surprise when I do it. I just don't want sex to get boring between us, so I need some advice.
So in other words, he's expecting you to suddenly become psychic, right?
What your partner is asking for here seems more than a little unfair to me and I'm guessing that's something you're seeing here as well. It doesn't make a lot of sense to tell a partner that we want them to do something for us, but they're not going to tell us what that something is...but still they want us to live up to an expectation that we don't know anything about. Doesn't make much sense, does it? How are going going to be able to know what it is your partner is wanting if he's not willing to tell you (unless you suddenly become psychic, that is)?
Sounds like it's time to have a talk with your partner. You might ask him how he'd feel if you asked him to go to the store and get something for you. You've got something specific in mind that you want, but you're not going to tell him what it is. What he's asking is much the same and is just about as easy to accomplish. In any relationship, good communication is key to having a good relationship (sexual or otherwise). So if your partner is wanting you to do something during sex, then he's going to have to tell you what it is that he's wanting. That's not to say that you need a set of step by step instructions (i.e. first do this, then do that, finally do this other thing...), but you do need some idea more specific than to be a "freak" (who in the world knows what that means!). Just because we let a partner know what we're wanting, that doesn't mean that sex will be boring. In fact, it generally means exactly the opposite because our partner knows better how to please us and we know better how to please them.
If your partner is unwilling to tell you what it is that he's wanting you to do, then it's pretty unfair of him to expect you to read his mind and figure it out on your own. There are nearly endless possibilities when it comes to sexual activities and everybody likes something different, so it's pretty unrealistic to expect this of you. It may be a good time to step back and take some time to evaluate the communication in this relationship. Sexual activity makes it extra important for both partners to be open and communicate with one another and if somebody isn't willing to do that, then maybe it's a good time to take a break from sex until you can come to an agreement about communicating.
You may also want to check out the following links and maybe share them with your partner as well!
- Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
- 10 of the Best Things You Can Do for Your Sexual Self (at Any Age)
- Reciprocity, Reloaded
- Safer Sex...for Your Heart
- Sexual Negotiation for the Long Haul
- Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models
- Yield for Pleasure